Written in letters...is a memory

I don't understand. I don't understand why I can never seem to stay focused. I don't understand how to turn off my brain long enough for me to just think. I don't understand how I can spend an hour in the same place staring at the same wall only to snap out of it after what felt like a few minutes. I don't understand why even though I try so hard, it just isn't enough. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of feeling less adequate to my peers. I'm tired of everything being too loud. Everyone always sounds like they are shouting. They probably are, but I don't care enough to focus on them. I'm tired of being tired. I have so many words to describe what I feel, but I can never put them on paper. They don't sound right when being written. My parents have always told me that I should keep a diary. I tried it once or twice, but I lost interest. My young self would not understand why you should write something if no one is going to read it ever. I think I understand now though. A diary is where you can write stuff down even if they don't seem right to other people. It would seem right to the writer and that is all that matters. I guess you could call my writing a diary of sorts. When I'm writing, I feel focused on one thing. My mind can drift off and I would unknowingly put it on the page. Then when I look back at my writings, it is like opening a book of memories. Some good and some back. Writing is like a life line that I grab on to in order to bring me back and save me from my mind swallowing me whole. My writing is by no means professional and they usually don't have a purpose or a story line, but they are from my own mind and that is good enough for me. It gives me something to be proud of if nothing else. And it brings my focus to the page. Writing is my art created by my thoughts. 

Author's Note

Thanks for reading :)

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Has the sound of some kind of attention disorder. I highly approve of keeping a diary, because it does give one something to focus on. As the writer notes, if it sounds right to you, that's all that matters.

[Coyote Poetry]

I need writing and reading to keep my sanity. I use meditation also. My mind is always running at a 100 miles per hour. I believe we need to rest our mind. I use reading to relax my mind. Take me away from the problems of life. Always a pleasure to read your words. Have fun and be safe dear Emily.
Coyote

[Cherrie Palmer]

Journaling is very effective, a very nice entry.