Missing Heart

This is my first attempt in this style (villanelle), thanks to Mark... I hope it works...

Dreams of embraces are miles apart.

We shared our youth on that first fateful day,

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

We traveled, tasted, and tried to be smart.

April has passed and cascaded to May.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart

 

Trestled and leaf-like, we dared to restart.

All the good deeds and desires would stay.

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

Touches and kisses that dare to depart;                                  

will soon be alerted and find their way.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart.

 

Palpable landings and paths will rechart.           

Nothing can act like a miracle play.

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

Sculpted, molded, and painted fine art;

remembering moments beyond display.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

April 29, 2013
Photo: Siesta Key, Sarasota (January 20, 2013

Reviews

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Hey, Allen. I like Villanelle. I have also my first attempt in my piece "Come to the Dark". It's really awesome, isn't it? It's like a chant because of the use of the refrain in all the verses. It made this poem more romantic, and I like it.
Great attempt. :)

[Allen Smuckler]

Glad you liked it dhaye...but isn't Great attempt an oxymoron ... I'll certainly check your attempt at this art form...I'm always excited to learn...
thanks for reading and taking the time to offer feedback and insight. It is always welcomed and appreciated...
allen

[Becky C Strukamp]

Allen, This is an outstanding poem! It was the gentle calm of this write that touched my heart. Each stanza a poem in and of itself. I can feel the emotions of each of the well chosen words throughout. Beautifully composed! I read it over several times just feel the sensations lull my mind into a peaceful state. Another fine write from a talented poet, author.

[Allen Smuckler]

I wish I thought of that Bec, Then I could have posted 6 poems....who knew?
Of course it wouldn't have been a villanelle, but you can't have everything.
Thank you, as always, for your kind, heartfelt reaction.
allen

[Becky C Strukamp]

You are welcome Allen. At times when I am composing and recording my thoughts before I forget them...lol...I end up with more than one because the ideas of where I desire to take each line seems to have a mind of its own...lol

[Allen Smuckler]

you gots that right...

[Raven Starhawk]

Love either distant or close can be welcomed or unwanted...but nevertheless it builds who we are. I believe that and your writing is wonderfully composed to make me remember that.

[Allen Smuckler]

Thanks Raven,
Love is a "many splendor thing", no matter when it comes or however much it is welcomed or unwanted...we all need it and thrive on it..I'm so glad you took something positive away from this write...thanks you for sharing your thoughts.
allen

[Holly Mason]

very nice style for you
you have written this well
love the pic , I miss home so darn much
and not just the style you write endearingly of love and not all can do that(me for one)
thank you for sharing

[Allen Smuckler]

Thank you Holly...perhaps I should write another...others too, have said I wear the villanelle well..but the next style I'm going to borrow is e.e. cummings....I love his lack of "style"...and it makes me free to be...
sorry you're so homesick and you figure it out how to get back...at least for awhile...
Always appreciate your feedback, Holly...thanks
alllen

[Leslie Philibert]

this works, written with style, I think this is a good style for you, you managed it here
very well !

[Allen Smuckler]

Thanks Leslie for your feedback. I enjoyed writing this for a number of reasons. I think changing styles and forms keep us fresh and alive....and creative. I appreciate always you reading and commenting.
allen

[Sunni Davis]

It definitely works :) I like the repetition; its like a sonnet or a song and gives it a nice cadence. Its lovely and a bit sad but I like that. It appeals to my helpless romantic side.

[Allen Smuckler]

Thanks again Sunni...I'm so glad you're back. I always enjoy your reviews and feedback...
The repetition is part of a villanelle ... that's what makes them easy to write and also what makes them hard to write... but I liked doing it...I'm glad you liked it.
allen

[Sunni Davis]

Oh, thank you. Its good to know I was missed.
I didn't know that. I don't know much about poetry styles because when I write a poem, I just write it the way it appears in my head. I'm not much for the technical part of it. I think this is one of my favorites from you. I keep rereading it.

[Allen Smuckler]

I know what you mean Sunni, I usually write with the flow...but I like playing with different styles and formats..It's a good way to discipline yourself and really focus and concentrate on cadence, rhythm and style while keeping the message intact.

[Sunni Davis]

That makes sense. I should try exploring styles and learning more of the technical point of poetry.

[Stella Armour]

Perfect in every way, i love to read and write Villanelles. If this is your first attempt you can be very proud of yourself....

[Allen Smuckler]

perfect is great....Thanks so much Stella for your kind words...
and yes,I am proud...
allen

[Stella Armour]

well it is going into my library, so i can read it again...

[Allen Smuckler]

Thanks Stella

[smilempsn]

Your first attempt came out nice .. :)

[Allen Smuckler]

Thank you smile...
for reading and commenting
allen