No sharper edges wrought to cleave those bindings;
locking the pain with loss and despair
another had won her love.
disregard replete; he moves
one to another, another; and another
now in bliss, remiss of those memories,
he weds while broken stems alter Sunrise
no longer kissing their lips
hands only brushed the pearl of their veils now
fingered shards, shred them to shrouds
three to cover each.
03/10/2019
E.
*the first two verses were one of those "flash inspirations" one has the tendency to think they are genius, only to throw them out when read later ..i know you all know what i mean ... but i didn't throw them out because it "felt" right .. so i added the second two verses ... trying to say the same thing in a bit different way ... would love to know your thoughts on them
Dear Mr E. I found your poem moving. It also brought a memory back of an aunt by marriage I was very fond of. She really cared for me at a time my parents were 400miles away. I was young. She said to me to hang on to my man and look after him because there were other women round every corner waiting to prise him away. She wasn't wrong there, that's exactly what happened.
That loss is incredibly difficult to deal with, there was much pain and I sensed that in your lines you yourself understand that loss. Loving someone who doesn't feel the same way about you sucks. Sometimes you may meet someone else, but that broken trust shatters the heart and it takes one hell of a lot of glue to stick it back together.
Do not bin this piece. You have much to say here. This reader fekt your words on an emotional level.
Chris
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
1 Year Ago
oh no Chris ... as i started to read your review i thought it would be a more happy story with your .. read moreoh no Chris ... as i started to read your review i thought it would be a more happy story with your aunt (i had several nearby when parents were miles and miles away;) but i am so sorry for what happened to you ... no matter how long ago it never goes away .. i lost my wife to cancer when she was only 30 yrs old and working through that i often thought how much more difficult it is for those divorced and/or abandoned ... because they are still around .. and friends and family take sides .. so the emotional support given is not nearly sufficient .. many times makes things worse i think ;((( thank you so much for your very encouraging review ..i have been pretty insecure in posting and keeping it as is ... truly .. i very much appreciate your words, Chris ... God bless you and big hugs girl ... (if that's ok)
E.
1 Year Ago
Hugs very gratefully received. I am so sorry for your loss. Your words have a universal appeal. Loss.. read moreHugs very gratefully received. I am so sorry for your loss. Your words have a universal appeal. Loss however it comes as a result of being abandoned or through death is life changing and difficult to deal with. Your poem reaches out to those who have suffered loss. Please post more if you are able to. Sending you all good wishes and a hug from me to you.
Chris
Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5
Time Keeping.
A short story about portals, cats, cows and the keeping of time.
Dear sir , very effectively you have portrayed love , and loss in your poem .. the first to paras hit hard ..reminded me of a guy , who was in love with me 2 years ago ..he loved me so insanely and dearly and I just couldn't love him back .. i tried .. i swear I tried to love him .. but I ended up breaking him and hated myself for it ..i miss him but hadn't thought about him for months now ..your words brought his love ..i think the honesty of your work did ..
keep safe and have an amazing day :)
Posted 2 Months Ago
2 Months Ago
one of the best reviews we can get is one whose own life experience is brought to mind .. yes .. we .. read moreone of the best reviews we can get is one whose own life experience is brought to mind .. yes .. we can love ferociously to no avail ... but I would not feel to bad about not being able to love him back .. if he is a stout hearted and kind man .. he learned a whole lot feeling such passion ...and brokenness is one of our best teachers of all says i ... thanks so much for finding this one and taking your beautiful time to review ... love on ya .. love and peace and joy!
E.
Funny how a person comes across these older writes
You wondered about people's thoughts.
The number of readers that responded to this should give you an awfully good indication
Posted 5 Months Ago
5 Months Ago
thank you Dave .. i appreciate the time you took finding it and letting me know your impressions .. .. read morethank you Dave .. i appreciate the time you took finding it and letting me know your impressions .. glad you enjoyed sir!
E.
hi friend the heart is the voice that remains unheard though has to be listened that is what makes affairs of the heart so complex to understand but then nothing beats the power of love
Posted 5 Months Ago
5 Months Ago
isn't it just so Sette? crazy untamed and sometimes quite destructive .. love your comments .. peace.. read moreisn't it just so Sette? crazy untamed and sometimes quite destructive .. love your comments .. peace and joy!
E.
Quite right not to throw them out Sir E, as we do know and feel what you mean, but i would get rid of the "thinking they are genius, only to throw them out later" part of your explanation, as we know you are, so there! 😀
I can still feel that dark, heavy ache of being second best and losing, where even standing up feels like too much, yet I have also known the occasional win from time to time and don't recall giving much thought to whoever took second place that time.
Your versions sound so eloquent, where mine feels petty and envy filled. As I said, genius 😀
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
1 Year Ago
you are kind Lorry .. thank you so much! you put yourself into this one .. made it your own .. i can.. read moreyou are kind Lorry .. thank you so much! you put yourself into this one .. made it your own .. i can not be more gratified .. its what we all try to offer ain't it!? yes... being the loser cuts deeply ... and i agree .. when we have won .. that's all that matters ... what a thorough and sensitive read sir .. you felt me all the way through .. couldn't ask for more! peace and joy brother!
E.
Your poem is very encouraging. It shows that if you don't treat someone with love and respect they will sure leave you one day. But also if you aren't fast enough to catch the woman be prepared for another one to have her.
Love doesn't need to be hurried. But sometimes if you don't hurry showing your feelings it will just be too late.
Just like a flower who needs care and love .If you don't water it every day it will die.
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 Year Ago
yes..love is funny that way isn't it ... one must be tuned in me thinks ;) thanks again for visiting.. read moreyes..love is funny that way isn't it ... one must be tuned in me thinks ;) thanks again for visiting and leaving your review .. how else do we know how we are doing if no one tells us ;) love on ya
E.
:( no fun to be on the loosing end of love for sure :( i am so happy you are checking out me poems k.. read more:( no fun to be on the loosing end of love for sure :( i am so happy you are checking out me poems kescha ... i do hope you re-open your pages and share here at the Cafe'
E.
I love the contrast between the style of the first two stanzas and the second two. It’s like you have a poetic intro and then lead in to the life application of the aphorism. There’s something Shakespearean about it, but more the plays than his poetry. Perhaps a lead in to a tragedy.
Great rhythm, too. It feels like it’s written metrically, but it’s too early for me to track it, haha. Maybe you think in iambic. It certainly feels smooth in the reading.
I really liked the two first stanzas. They set the tone and I think the understanding of the overall concept hinges on the information given there, so I’m glad you decided to keep them.
Another enjoyable poem from you.
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 Year Ago
thanks so much for your thorough reading of this one .. i have a strong music background that may he.. read morethanks so much for your thorough reading of this one .. i have a strong music background that may help with rhythm .. it wasn't a focus so i am really glad that it came through for you .. thanks again .. top o' the mahrnin' to ya! :)
E.
love your "inspiration" Benita! its a perspective of one who lost the game eh!? thanks so much for s.. read morelove your "inspiration" Benita! its a perspective of one who lost the game eh!? thanks so much for sharing ...
E.
1 Year Ago
Thank You my friend
Seems all my poet friends
Inspire me.
So sad hearts living lost, and your piece does convey thIs.
I’m glad you saved the first two verses, they are a great lead-in, and since you asked, I think less cluttered thought than the last two.
hi Renee! what a treat when you visit and review my stuff ... and thank you for addressing the issue.. read morehi Renee! what a treat when you visit and review my stuff ... and thank you for addressing the issue i was unsure of ... i will take another look at trimming the "expanded" version in the last two verses ... thanks so very much for your honest opinion!!!
E.
1 Year Ago
Greetings E.
Please don’t change it on my account. But if you do, first keep an original co.. read moreGreetings E.
Please don’t change it on my account. But if you do, first keep an original copy. ( ;
Side note:
Those “flash inspirations”, I find they’re from our soul. ( ;
1 Year Ago
yes...they can be for sure ... having the experience is part of why we enjoy writing isn't it?! than.. read moreyes...they can be for sure ... having the experience is part of why we enjoy writing isn't it?! thanks again for your thoughts Renee .. so nice of you to stop by :)
Excellent work with "Affairs", Einstein. I too have thought on such disasters as follow lowly humans around like lost puppies. You nailed it. For every happy heart, another succumbs to heartbreak. Life and love come with no guarantees -- so many people never learn that. I finally dropped out of the world's favorite pastime. Anything worth having hurts too much to leave behind. But, my own disappointments have helped polish up my metaphors for WC. Fav line: Sunrise could not find him in heart's shadow. This is a keeper. -- Doug
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 Year Ago
thanks so much bigfoot! you are very encouraging ... i appreciate it .. and so happy this struck tha.. read morethanks so much bigfoot! you are very encouraging ... i appreciate it .. and so happy this struck that cord .. tho pain is there .. you might think you have left it behind ... but i think love has a way of sneaking up on people such as you .. i would rocket of that cliff again anytime .. i lit the retro-rockets and sped at a terrifying speed to the jagged rocks below .. and i love her still .. for afar .. as good friends .. a rare thing in such circumstances i think ... plus Norma and i have been together now for about 11 yrs. .. top o' the mahrnin' to ya sir! ..and the rest of the day as well :)
E.
1 Year Ago
It is wonderful to have someone you care more about than you do yourself -- I've been there. Bleakn.. read moreIt is wonderful to have someone you care more about than you do yourself -- I've been there. Bleakness of creature comforts -- or surplus someplace else -- tends to scatter the best of loving hearts. Can't blame them.
"What arbitrary assignments! .. What arbitrary differentiations! What one-sided preferences, first for this, then for that property of a thing! ... with words it is never a question of truth, never a .. more..