Gone

Why did you go away?

Where did we go wrong?

Weren't we ok?

We always laughed,

held hands...loved

How did we go from

There to here?

You left so that I can pursue

MY DREAM

But what you didn't realize

Was that my dream always

Included You!

Now that Dream is gone,

And I'm left with a memory

 

I'm so scared right now!

Scared of being alone

Scared of living without you

But living without you

Isn't really living at all

Now is it?

When I looked into my future

I saw you! When I saw myself

Succeeding, I saw you there helping me

Now I see nothing, it all went black

The only reason I knew I was going

To make it in this world, was because

I saw you helping me...loving me.

 

Now I don't know how I'm

Going to make it

How am I going to get through this?

You were the one I went to when I had a problem,

So who am I suppose to go to now?

I'm so confused!

I'm so alone,

Where do I go from here?

I don't know what to do

All I know is that you're gone

And you're not coming back!

Author's Note

Again can you please just review the writing and not give me sympathy. Thanks

Reviews

[H. A. M.]

What I like about it is the hoest emotion you put in this.
For me writing things that make me seem vurnerable to the reader is something I'm trying to get past. I just want to convey a thought even if I'm not feeling it at the time of writing.
IF ( said if) I read between the lines it's like someone wasn't really there for the other.

"You left so that I can pursue
MY DREAM" sounds like the one who's gone said " I'm in the way" or "I'm not getting enough attention so let me go do something like... join the marines."
Yes I'm building a story now.
They didn't die but just went out of state....maybe the country.
The rest sounds like longing regret because they just didn't see it coming.
That could happen.
Involved with the swim team or killing vampires or whatever this person did for fun and the one stable person in their life blindsides them and takes off.
Like what the...?
A case of didn't know what they had til it was gone.
Yes I feel that desperate panic at the end. That makes sense.
It has the emotion of a person afraid of the world now.
Hmmm... I haven't seen too many like this. Good how you can draw from someplace to put this out.
Very....emotional write.

[Tortured Skin]

I think you're getting sympathy because your writing is showing your raw emotions and that's a good thing. It shows that the readers are understanding the pain and hurt in your poem. I think the poem works well.
If I could simply suggest something that might help with your pacing is to move a few lines to the same line if that makes sense. Example: Combine lines 6-7 and 8-9. there are a few more along the way like this. It will help complete the thought for the reader better. Again, simply a suggestion, hope that helps.

[Veralily]

I'm speechless. That was very touching. Crap, there are tears in my eyes, lol. My favourite part is:

You left so that I can pursue
MY DREAM
But what you didn't realize
Was that my dream always
Included You!
Now that Dream is gone,
And I'm left with a memory
I'm so scared right now!
Scared of being alone
Scared of living without you
But living without you
Isn't really living at all
Now is it?

Wow. Very deep and honest. I love it. Dreams cherished and lost. Only memories.

Well done. Keep up the great work!

~Veralily

[The Viking]

It's crazy how I was drawn to this poem from the others, as I just recently broke up with my fiance for a year and a lot of the things in this poem were things she said to me. This poem sort of showed me what was going on in her head when it happened. I could hear the main character sobbing throughout the poem. There isn't any bizarre metaphor or set tempo, but the poem expresses well the emotion felt by someone whose lost their lover. Simplicity is often an overlooked medium. Well done, as far as I'm concerned.

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

Oooh... powerful. Intense with strong emotions of anger, pain, and sadness. Honestly it sounds like more of a rant or a break down rather than a poem, but I guess that's just me; maybe it's your own special style. ;) It's definitely realistic, I can tell you that much. lol. ^^

Nice job. Very believable; it sounded authentic. :)

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

Wow, this poem is very emotional. You've expressed your feelings so very well. This is a nicely written poem, great job!!!

Heather

[pal]

you expressed it all from deep with in..

love the ending as usual
I'm so confused!

I'm so alone,

Where do I go from here?
I don't know what to do
All I know is that you're gone
And you're not coming back!

pal

[Antony]

A very emotional write Claudia, there is no question that your heart is feeling pain. i hope things will be better for you in time. There is an emptiness in this poem that I can feel through your words, it is deep.
Antony

[Gary H]

This is kind of curious. In reading this I'm wishing that you were to do a spoken word as I think you could add so much emotion and feeling of turmoil as every word is passed. Of course the poem conveys all this. I'm just trying to think of a way you could draw some of the lines out to hit the reader harder. Mmmm. Of course you could change some colours or size of text?

I'm so scared right now!
SCARED OF BEING ALONE
SCARED OF LIVING WITHOUT YOU
But living without you
ISN'T REALLY LIVING AT ALL!

One line I wasn't keen on - 'Now I don't know how I'm, Going to make it?' - have to say 'going to survive?' would be better in my view.

Hard to write an emotional poem. You've done a very good job here on this.

[Fantasyfairy]

Beautiful writing, lots of emotion that bring the poem to life. Well written with feelings here. Xx

[Megan Wylder]

I loved it. It shows the emotions of something almost all of us have to go through unfortunalty.