As I Write it Down

As I Write it Down

A Poem by Emo_Cat

My pen bleeds
As its ink seeps
My words cry
The seer weeps
I keep scrawling
Until my pain recedes
Walking on my way
Where my lament leads
Crumbling to bones
Changing to fit the needs
My frailty drives me
As nothingness breeds
In madness I did
Those fearful deeds
Now I'll have to pay
The price of my greed
Making me suffer
My demons succeed
In the garden of love
I feel like a weed
I am looking for my way
To the flowery meads
Where the chains will be shattered
And then I will be freed

© 2018 Emo_Cat



Author's Note

Emo_Cat
Hello everyone!
I know I haven't published anything is a long while. My next poem that I will be publishing will be, in a way, explaining why I've been m.i.a.
I would really appreciate it if you would leave a review. Perhaps with some constructive criticism.

My Review

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Featured Review

I like this quite a bit, E-C. I like the rhyme scheme. One thing I would consider would be to remove some of the filler words By tightening this up I think it would be more impactful.
i.e.
My pen bleeds
the ink seeps...

scrawling until
my pain recedes
following where
my lament leads...

frailty drives me,
nothingness breeds...


These are only suggestions of course, it is a good write.








Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is rather well conceived, and has some stunning lines. I disagree with Ted, about the frailty line. I find it to be lovely.
The only curious line for me, was, I feel like a weed.
But, I enjoyed this.
Cheers, K

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Emo_Cat

1 Month Ago

The line that you referenced tied into the one above it,

In the garden of love
read more
This is a really power piece of work! You did an awesome job of conveying such raw emotions and struggle
I really enjoyed it!

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great visualization! I can't really think of anything you could add to this simply because this is your signature kind of poem, where the reader feels both out-of-body and there with you, as you, kind of experience. It shows a sense of resentment for past actions yet at the end, shows despite the corrosion you will still be free, you won't be darkened by it as well. Affected? Yes. But never caged.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Good use of words that are impacting and direct. Good poem. Great read.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Can't find anything to criticise here Emo. (except that you obviously couldn't find a way to work the word "peed" into your poem) Well writ my good man!

Posted 2 Months Ago


Emo_Cat

2 Months Ago

Thank you, and I'm female, not male
David O Whalen  (O Haolin in Celtic)

2 Months Ago

Mea culpa my good lady!
Writers can get through any situation in life by writing about it. I am convinced of that. Good expression in this one and the staccato lines are effective. I liked the rhyming. Lydi**

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very nice poem dear friend. Writing is the way the writer's bleed. I liked your thoughts and words shared. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 2 Months Ago


This is a beautiful poem. As spoken word, a proper actor will bring out the deeper level of meaning within. I shared it as Poem of the Day on Coffee Poem on Twitter and Facebook today.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i like the choice of words, the metaphors and of course the rhythmic pattern

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the rhyming that threads through this writing. A nicely written, introspective piece.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on October 10, 2018
Last Updated on October 10, 2018

Author

Emo_Cat
Emo_Cat

Reedley, CA



About
emo, shy, loves music. I typically keep to myself, and am not very expressive. But when I write, it's like I'm some place else. "Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls .. more..

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