Knowing and believing

In spite of all the knowledge, your heart has its own rules.

How often did I fell asleep, 

wrapped in that blanket of anguish, 

longing for tomorrow to save me. 

And when I woke up,

I embraced the new day with despair as a castaway in distress, 

almost about to sink. 

I wish I knew then... that tomorrow is an illusion.

I wish I knew then... that yesterday does not matter.
That everything is decided in the Now, 

this immense sheet of Eternities, without borders, or ages, 

scattered all over the Universe.

Then I would know that falling asleep and waking up are trips of infinity,

that can transport this thirsty spirit of mine

 in the wings of imagination. 

Then... I would know that I have in my hand the power to transformation!

But ... it's not enough to know.

You have to believe.

Today I know that the present moment is a mirage created by projection.
However ...

I still wake up in a distress, 

when fear speaks louder, 

and I'm a prey of restlessness.

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

I have a tendency to follow interesting reviews and I enjoyed your review of Emma (one of my favorites in this forum) so the bunny hopped over to read you:) the sentiment in this writing is a wonderful testimony of truth. I meditate often one of my mantras is just that but in different words “please don’t let me, lose me, again!” Mindfulness isn’t very full if we don’t have the conviction of presence and belief love your worthwhile lines! Nice to meet you:)

[Shandra Sun]

Thank you bunny for taking the time to give me feedback and finding my lines worthwhile. Writting is a way to release some intricate registers trapped in my being. Nice to meet you too.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Shandra... the restless wind keeps us going. During the night it rained with thunder and lightning.
I opened an upstairs window with no screen and felt the awakening of possibilities. Everyday is an omen
of the unexpected... flowers in bloom... a pretty tune to whistle all day. Your poetry is quintiessential and
I find music in your heart and soul with Cellos and flutes. truly, Pat

[Shandra Sun]

You make me shy. Thank you for such generous comments. Yes, the restless keeps us going. Life is a paradox. I love both sides. Thank you again.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This poem has so much pathos. I could feel the yearning to be free to simply accept life and be happy set against the struggle inside saying 'not worthy, not worthy'. You express fear in believing in a tomorrow (an illussion) and rightly put yesterday in the past (although there is learning in yesterdays!). Living for today is an aspiration as we also have to plan to do so tomorrow, then yesterdays become meaningful too.

[Shandra Sun]

Thank you. Those are moments. Sometimes they take too long to go away and I have to express what's going on.

[emmajoy]

How I'd love to take your hand and skip you across a field of daisies and buttercups on a brightly breezy day. finding a yesterday puddle which reflected bunny white clouds.. and laugh as they change shape! Then, Shandra. you just might find that there are simple this and thats to nudge smiles instead of tears and dread from deep inside a sad heart. It's easy to see the colourless picture ahead, but closing eyes, inhaling deep, we can find hope in patience. Happiness isn't instant.. can't be taught, learned, expected.. but it's there. Present and waiting.

If you can write such beautiful poetry, you can do and feel anything, my friend - you want to, I know you do.

[Shandra Sun]

I do. I do indeed want to feel and do so much. But... there comes the "but". I almost had a tear in my eyes because this revieuw of yours is a beaitiful poem in itself. Do I deserve this kindness? I hope so my friend. Thank you for making my day brighter.

[emmajoy]

Of course you deserve it.. and more. It's to easy on and offline to gather negatives.. best ignore them, yes?

[Shandra Sun]

Yes. Thank you.

[barleygirl]

This is one of the most beautiful expressions of how I try to approach living in the moment. Even tho you start out with a bleak outlook, your poem also offers a remedy to futile seeing, & I love a story in a poem that goes thru a transition from dark to light. Another thing I love is that, even at the end, you show that getting it right is always a work in progress. I hate it when inspirational writing says "look at life this way" (as if it would be so easy). Inspirational writing is much more relatable when you admit that you struggle with the very concepts you're trying to learn & share, as you do here (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Shandra Sun]

Yes. Exactly. It's a never ending proces with brief moments of bliss. Thank you for understanding. it makes me feel blessed.