August

August

The strangled grass of August

bends low in its' dormancy

conversing with the brittle earth.

Their talk is coarse and wan

and self indulgent.

Wasps look for water

in the eyes of flowers

for the heart is all tapped out.

Like sucking stones, their disappointment

turns them sour.

What is real in this haze

of humid air and the sun's

intimate gaze?

One loving look

and we are blackened by the brush

One loving look

and we are put in  our place.

Dry cars, lope down dry streets

kissing the hot road with their rubbery smell.

People walk and wander aimlessly

lost and floating

from their heated dreams of sleeplessness-

senseless and un-driven

in the day.

L.Blackwell

8/14/2010

Author's Note

this needs a better ending. I like the last line but it needs something either before it or after it... any ideas??

Reviews

[the_stoic]

"loving look of the sun .. kissing the hot road with rubbery smell" .. where do you bring up such vivid imagery from !! it seems you don't quite like the august season ..

the ending will always leave room for more as in you can still keeps on adding bits about the season and its effects . just get back to edit in case you hit upon another imagery . keep writing

[Satchmo's Gal]

...wow.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

how wondrously you've imbued the inanimate with animus throughout the stroll with this seasonal beauty~

[Ed Hart]

i think you could end it (seeing how you're thinking of a different ending) without the last two lines...one of those less is more kind of things...either way, it's a fine exposition of a state of mind

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

You are a very gifted writer Lydia.You have a unique way of expressing through your words which immediately moves the reader.There is o much in this write that i like.The part about dry cars loping dry streets...i think it was very original...Yes..everyone is just lost and floating..floating and lost is all...
Very well written Lydia..i will be looking forward to more of your writing.

[Cheyenne]

I like this it almost reminds me of the last day of summer!

[Michael X]

wow, you never cease to amaze me wth te picture your define so well with details that really take your work to the next level, as being a pure and
punctuated metaphor and flow, this poem captures the the August sun
and all its glory, heat and trepidation, i loved it, poetically envisioned lydia

[Joy]

I like the ending, I think it suits the poem. You talk of how the wasps search for water and are unsatisfied, so it somehow mirrors that emotion. A well written poem has the ability to draw the reader in, making them want to go back & experience it again or feel something the way the writer did. This was a well written poem. Good job! :)

[little lily Bride of Ch..]

was bit dark but i think i understand this August is a very very hot season so this fits quit well

[Ladysue]

I like the ending...i think it is perfect for those days of August...this flowed wonderfully with good imagery...nicely done...