Bitter as sour cream

I don't understand your words when you scream

I hear your cries but they don't make sense to me

I don't see what you see, I don't feel what you feel

Your tears are salty and yet bitter like a lemon, sour to the core.

You used to have such a lovely smile, such a vibrant way to live

You brightened up a room as soon as you spoke

You used to have this spark in your eyes which followed you everywhere.

Now you grew up, you're a mere shell of who you used to be

Maybe it's not your fault, the world turned you into what you are

It beat you up into the ground in a bloody mess of broken memories and big round tears.

I wish I could save you from the world, from yourself

So I pray that someone will pick you up in its arms and wash all your sorrows away

Because I can't, I don't know how to

My job description doesn't read "mender of broken hearts and memories"

And sometimes I feel like if I tried I would only make it worse.

So I simply hear you, try to make sense of your thoughts for you

Listen to your troubles until you're satisfied and give you all my love even if in subtle ways

I sob with you even if you don't see or hear it.

I wish I knew but I don't know how to fix your broken heart, your ruined childhood

I hope one day you'll be able to forget this

And turn into the beautiful untamed butterfly that I know you will become

Until then I wish you know that I'm here even if you're too proud to ask

Even if I'm a coward who does not know how to make anything better

Even when I'm mean because I'm tired

Even when you're mean because you're tired

I'll be here for you.

Because I love you with all your grace and flaws

my dear beloved

Bitter sour cream.

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

Words of deep sympathy, of deep pain, the transformation of a soul from light into darkness. There is nothing so sad as seeing the life of one who once had joy becoming sorrow, the suffering of loss, of scars, of all that is brutal in this world. Your words of devotion, of love help lift the final lines to a place of hope, even in the shadows.

[Tiny Drop]

I keep being swept away by your words, Owl, it's astonishing, for no matter what, your words ring true to my ears.

This time there's no joy in my words however, for sorrow is one of the feelings I most dread, I have seen it too many times, it's a sickness that makes you rot from the inside out. It's like a parasite feeding of your mind, except it won't leave you. There is no medicine for it, no surgery to dissect it.
It starts tiny like a speck of dust in the wind, then it grows larger before your own eyes. Small things entice it, small actions that hurt your heart but that you don't give a second thought. Before you notice it, however, it has turned into a monster which fills your whole body and soul.
Yet, I think there's hope for it, even if there's no light which can vanquish it. There's just us. No outsider can eradicate a bug which lives in the heart of another. Only a person can kill its' parasite. For the outsiders there's only sadness for wishing to help and not being able to, regrets, a longing for better days, an emptiness, a will to fight even if we don't know how to.
So despair follows sorrow. And despair spreads the sickness. It's a vicious cycle. However there's always hope and I wish one day we'll be able to break this cycle that is bitterness and sorrow...

And destroy our little parasites with our own lovely pesticide.

[An owl on the moon]

Dear poet, I truly understand. There have been such dark, diseased pathways I've walked through. And being a gardener I have seen such parasites, such creatures that come to devour and destroy, to strip away all life if they could. There is no doubt these things live in our minds, in our souls, seeking to blind us from the light and to suffocate us if possible. May we be able to find hope and light with each soul that is cleansed from the suffering, who rises strong again, free again. This is my wish for you into this new week. Yes, find the beautiful pesticide to cleanse you, to wash away the death and despair, and find the deeper life that exists within. “There are ships sailing to many ports, but not a single one goes where life is not painful.” ― Fernando Pessoa

[Rye]

I truly love the ending, those last three lines, amazing and very vivid imagery. so nicely written

[Tiny Drop]

This is actually one of my favorites! It's probably the most sincere poem I ever wrote even if it may not be the most beautiful.
Thanks for your words Kami. They meant a lot :)