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Twenty-forth of December

The most painful thing in this world is not when the person whom you love, doesn’t loves you back, it is neither when the person whom you love, loves someone else.

But the most painful thing in this world is when the person whom you love dies helplessly in your arms and right in front of your eyes.

Two hard years have been passed now but for me, it just seems like yesterday. Every morning after waking up, her memories are the first thought which comes in my mind.  Often I think that her call will come to remind me about some important occasion or date. Sometimes I can even hear her voice calling me, I don’t know why but I can still feel her with me. But no one believes me, some people even say that I’m going out of mind, it just can’t be true, and she is no more here with me. But they don’t know one thing that she is still alive here, inside of me.

Two hard years have been passed now but for me, it just seems like as if time had stood still. I was there in the hospital sitting just near her, touching her hand. Suddenly, she opened her eyes abruptly and held one of her hands tightly to me, and one to her sister. Her sister asked if she was alright or not and she nodded her head innocently, but still she went to call the doctor. Gradually both of her hands held mine tightly and her nails even began to embed in my skin. I asked her “Are you alright?” but she left numb and after a silence of few seconds she said “I’m sorry…” , and then tears started to fall out her eyes. We were continuously looking to each other with endless tears which were flowing out of our eyes and our hearts. There was just something in her eyes at that time which I can’t explain in words, they wanted to say something which words can’t describe. It was the first time in my life when I found myself so helpless.

Finally, the doctor came and checked her, after a minute he said “I’m sorry for your loss…But she is no more…”

Two hard years have been passed now but, I’m still waiting for a new year to come. I was a party animal and used to party all night long specially on the occasion of New Year. But now, I’m no more that person and I know I can’t be back again. Every holiday I watch people celebrating Christmas and New Year, decorating their homes and buying gifts for each other. Yes, I also do the same but genuinely I no more feel that spirit here inside of me. I exchange gifts and greet everyone just to let them know that I’m perfectly alright without her but they just don’t know one thing that I’m so much broken and hollow from inside. Since some people who have so much of pain and sorrow inside of their hearts, that no Christmas or New Year can bring joy back to them.

Two hard years have been passed now and… I have started to smile once again. The time when she left me, an entire world of sadness crashed over me and that sadness completely changed me. It sucked the real person from right inside of me and made me who I’m today. I first began to hate this sadness but then I realized that I can’t beat it and then I started to live with it. And you know! When you are always surrounded by sadness from everywhere, a time comes when you will began to love that sadness and that is the best way to come out of it. I don’t cry from outside anymore, but inside of me there is such a huge ocean of sadness which can sink even the biggest ship of happiness.

Two hard years have been passed now,

And I’m still not making any sense.

The only reason for which I’m still alive is that -

It’s your blood which is flowing inside of my veins.