The Inner Child

(for those whose childhood was far from happy)

How can an adult reconcile

their feelings with their inner child?

Not all had early days of glee

within a loving family.

Some lived their lives in abject fear

with hostile action lurking near

from those intent on causing harm.

How can you calm the frightened souls

of children caught inside a storm,

where waves suppress their bouyancy

and they can barely keep afloat?

Their little sail boats wrecked at sea

where all they know is misery

and love an island they can't reach.

How can you drag that young child back

to face your adult self full on,

without you breaking into tears?

A fountain fall for many years

where they have tried to wade through clay

to find direction when it seems,

their compass stuck on broken dreams.

Reviews

[Stella Armour]

this hit a still very raw nerve Chris, some people shout about their hurtful childhoods from the rooftops whist some of us prefer to bury it and move on otherwise it will destroy our future. You have to let it go even if it keeps trying to re-surface.. displaying angst only fuels the memories.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you for your honesty Stella. Not having been in this situation I have often wondered how
adults do cope with hurtful childhoods.

Chris

[Stella Armour]

it's sink or swim, drugs or inner strength if you like.
all this posting about angst and deprivation of love sometimes makes me angry so i try not to comment too much. No one but yourself can improve your life, so why keep sympathy seeking?
it's gone... yes it wasn't very nice... so as soon as i could i improved my thinking and looked at the good things i had however small and even now i still do it...little things make me so happy even seeing birds playing... all those things are healing

[Chris Shaw]

You have a very positive outlook on life Stella, and I am a firm believer in keeping life simple. Much pleasure comes from little things and nature has always helped me and does with you too.

[Stella Armour]

yes, i remember one night as a child when i was utterly miserable and thinking i had wallpaper in my bedroom with a lovely pattern on it and every night for ages i comforted myself that the only thing i loved was that wallpaper. maybe that was when i started looking for small comforts .. i don't know, everyone handles it differently.

[Chris Shaw]

Concentrating on the one thing that gave you comfort. I can understand that Stella. How difficult for you.

[Stella Armour]

Well yes, but at the time and as an only child i did not know any different , i thought that was how lif ewas.I think it hurts more now inwardly looking back to what i missed than it hurt then. Lol... i can remember wishing they would send me to boarding school i was so lonely and not allowed to have friends. Anyway i survived mentally somehow ... must have a stubborn streak i think.

[KWP]

THis is the million dollar question.

I have a friend who is Bi Polar as well as a recovering addict as well as someoen who suffers depression. I love that girl, she is so strong but she puts herself through the ringer of life. If I think of the staps she has walked and know she is still here to tall the story, I stand back simply amazed. She fights on - through her terrible childhood, through everything, she fights on.

Your writing is difficualt for me to, hmm I'd like to say understand but I know what you mean. I guess what I am trying to say is - my childhood was far from perfect, but also far from imperfect. The in-between has beeb totally perfect for all the learnings that have bought me to this point. BUt I cannot comment on anything for those who have suffered, but instead wonder how and if I would be different today if my childhood had of been different.

It's quite intense, It makes me think - well done X

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you for your interesting perspective KWP. I appreciate your visit and your response. I was asking the question how? I haven't got a clue as I haven't experienced this myself, but like you I have seen others and wonder where they get that strength that inner resilience to rise above it. I know some that have done just that, but also others that haven't.

Chris

[Onlyme]

Exactly and so very true.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Dee, if you see truth here, then I am happy I wrote what I did.

Chris

[Onlyme]

So glad you shared how you felt. And made us stop and think.

[Davidgeo]

Not every case of PTSD or severe anxiety and depression is from war or a single traumatic event. Some kids that grew up in a horrible situation end up emotional wrecks or anti social in adult hood. And because they never had that one traumatic event every knows about and because a lot of people don't want to ever talk about their abusive childhood openly when they grow up... other's assume they're just s****y people or insane for no reason. And that kind of thing creates a negative feedback loop that makes a hard situation so much harder.

There is a lot of truth in this poem.

[Chris Shaw]

That you see truth in this poem, makes me pleased that I wrote it. Thank you

Chris

[emmajoy]

I've felt guilty about my childhood, it was warm and loving, we seven learned how to be by example, we were encouraged to become part of our community, the world and.. whatever. Knowing that, when i came across friends whose lives were different, at first hidden to me, i was amazed. Took me into my early teens to realise that SOMETIMES silence in a friend was due to waiting to be slapped for speaking out of turn. That always washing was due to a list of different humiliations. And so on. As an adult, i know that everyone has her/his own way of dealing with hidden pain. Some people need time to express what's hidden; others talk too much about it because they need be empty of it, in order to feel worthy.

Sorry, said too much. I just know that there are too many who deny there is anything wrong.. but..

This a remarkbly empathic post, Chris.

[Chris Shaw]

It is good to try and put yourself in another's shoes from time to time Em. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

Chris

[emmajoy]

People should try to stand in other people's shoes at last now and again, is the best way of calming a would-be arrogant heart!

[barleygirl]

I was very interested, reading your poem & then the back-and-forth between you & Stella. Your poem seems to suggest that most every child who grows up in a bad situation is likely to feel such pain for a long while. I wonder if Stella wasn’t (in a roundabout way) responding to this apparent assumption? What I find to be the missing link about your poem – some abused kids turn out fine, maybe even stronger than many others . . . & some who grow up knowing only good treatment can turn out pretty yukky. I do not believe you were trying to draw a line between cause & effect here. I just suspect that some who survive & thrive do not want to be lumped together with whiners. As a victim of longterm regular raping & beating in my youth, I have to say that it really doesn’t matter “how bad” a childhood may be . . . it’s all in the love & understanding that a child finds along the way (despite bad parenting) PLUS the basic fabric of a kid’s fortitude. But not everyone can be tough old birds like me & Stella, so I don’t like to see the broken ones criticized. Your insightful poem incites discussion, which is a very good thing! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Margie. It's good that poems generate debate. There will always be an opposing opinion to most poems written. Maybe a poem now needs to be written for the children who suffered abuse who did manage to survive and thrive? As you say you and Stella have shown great resilience, you are both tough and have fought hard to overcome your dreadful start, but there are many who haven't got your backbone. Opportunity for a poem there I would say. Fondest to you Margie (( ))

[barleygirl]

I have been asked numerous times to explain how I survived. I still need to do that! *smile*

[Chris Shaw]

You my dear are in the best possible place to tackle it, as you now feel that you are healed. It would be a brave write, but I know you could create a belter. Caveate, when and if you feel ready.

(( ))

[Paul Bell]

The most important years in your life.
Good or bad, you should never hide from it.
I suppose the adventure lasts a lifetime.

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Paul, thanks for reading my efforts and for leaving a response.

[LKBillips]

This reminds me of a speech I recently saw from Terry Crews the actor about his childhood. It is crazy how much a child can endure. It is the one's that don't repeat the cycle I think have serious strength within them. Very powerful poem Chris.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you LKB. Your response appreciated.

Chris

[Mrudula Rani]

I see children struggling in the refugee camps and wonder what sort of scars these young lives will carry for the rest of their lives?
What is happening to asylum seeking immigrants' children in USA is heart breaking.
Child hood lays the foundation to grow into healthy happy humans! What a thoughtful and wonderful writing about those who were not fortunate enough to have a happy childhood.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you M. Having had a wonderful childhood makes me appreciate it so much when I hear about the misery that some children have to endure. It is heartbreaking.

[Akash gaikwad]

That young child is on his or her journey to find that. I think when they find love they express their inner child them. Thanks for this lovely poetry it has touched my heart and reminded of my inner child.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much for your response Akash gaikwad. Your comments appreciated

Chris