Invisible Ink

"... Maybe I wrote in invisible ink Oh I've tried to think How I could have made it appear..." -Aimee Mann

I turned myself to stone
my heart, hard and cold
so I wouldn't feel a thing

I fortified my walls, strong
and surrounded by moat
deep and cavernous

no flags unfurled
no drawbridge down
in fear of enemies

I bolted my gates tight
manned by battlements
and retreated to the keep

In invisible ink
I wrote my battle cry
"                           "

Reviews

[H. A. M.]

I get this. You turned off your emotions and you don't feel anything now...And I guess you don't let anybody in so you don't get hurt. ( I like the metaphor.) I would say at the end if you wrote your battle cry in another color just to off set it from the rest or even italicized it it would have brought it all together. Good stuff.

[RCS]

I dig it the most.

[Angel's Lady]

I never think of anything as written in invisible ink because if only one person learns, the lesson is not lost - if one person hears the message, there is hope.

Good job. Your message in the bottle was found.

[Cliff Rhodes]

Yes, this is very strong, but that is the real problem. It is bottled up too tight. There seems to be no solution in the adventure in that it dies in action. In the beginning you start to talk about feelings, ("so I wouldn't feel a thing") which maybe is the final solution. However, that is not evident in the last line which states emphatically, ("I wrote my battle cry") There needs to be that third line or rather the line missing before the last. This might close the circle and refer back to the feelings, or maybe the emptiness and entropy of zero feelings. Eventually, we run out of action and energy when we are totally alone.

Beautiful writing..... Now I see the empty quotation marks in the last line.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

I LIKED IT! IT WAS! TO ME IT STATES ONE TRYING TO REMAIN INVISIBLE TO THE PAIN!

[Invisible Ink]

This is not very strong, but I think it could be. Suggestions? Thanks