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Too Late

Too Late

A Poem by CRZ

Hey. You seem happy today, I'm glad you're feeling'
the feeling of peace. 
I need a piece of your mind for a minute.
My soul is happy and since your happy, I'm hoping you can put some in it.
Hey. I guess you don't hear me, I'm friendly no need to fear me.

Hey what's up, are you sad? are you feeling down?

I'm here if you need a ear or maybe two
I've been here for you for about two years.
You never pay me attention, I guess is because 
you're sad and you don't want anybody bothering
you or is it just me. I'm here but I need to jut breathe

yooooo, are you mad today ? you looked heated?
You need help with anything? I have your back if anything
hello? Can't understand my words. This silence isn't cute
I know you're mad or whatever but don't put this voice on mute.
okay, whatever. I know this can't last forever. I'll sever who ever
but then again who am I to you?

Today, I am just walking. Walking with no particular location
I started walking and I heard someone screaming from behind me


sounded like it was saying " Jello , Mellow , Fellow or Yellow"
I don't know it was something like that, oh well.
It was too late.

© 2013 CRZ



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Featured Review

Dear CRZ,

How are you today? I saw this poem in my news feed and the title caught my eye because I surely can identify with that title. I must point out that in the first stanza, third line, change "your" to "you're." I'm supposing in same line, the word "some," refers to the peace the narrator is talking to. This line right here seems loose, "I'm friendly no need to fear me." I feel like that stanza can do without it, but that's my opinion. Overall, this stanza to me reminds me of a poisonous relationship in where there's so much giving, very little receiving.

In the third stanza, in the first line, change "a" to "an." In the third line of that stanza, remove the word, "is," as it is idly there. The last line, change "jut" to "just." The second stanza reminds me of someone being invisible and imprisoned by another's emotional episodes.

This line was a tad awkward, "you looked heated." This is awkward too, "don't put this voice on mute." There's no structure rhyme scheme from the beginning so no need to make anything rhyme now.

Anywho, the feeling is definitely something one can relate to trying to help someone, but not being able to. I liked the meaning and indeed was a good read.

Sincerely JazzSoulKeke,

God bless



Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Tionge Rosalie Johnson

3 Years Ago

I have to say your feedback was the best I've read on here. So, I'm going to have to agree with what.. read more



Reviews

A recent ex-friend is just that because she took my existence for granted. This poem is painfully poignant for me right now. It smacks of a lost soul, just all to willing to maintain their own private, silent hell. Most excellent work!

Posted 3 Years Ago


I need a piece of your mind for a minute.
My soul is happy and since your happy, I'm hoping you can put some in it.

great lines ! liked the write a lot !
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Posted 3 Years Ago


I really like the beat of this poem. Good job

Posted 3 Years Ago


i like the build up in this poem and the conversational style you chose... nice piece

Posted 3 Years Ago


Wow, this was such an amazing powerful piece. It's easy to close up on people and push them away. But then when you need them most, they disappear because everyone has given up on them. That's why it's important, not only to let your feelings out, but also not to give up on people. This was a wonderful write, and I'm glad I got to read it. Keep up the good work!

Posted 3 Years Ago


Ahh I know this feeling quite well. It hurts, it sucks but you know it isn't your fault. You've tried to do what you can and if it isn't enough, then it's time to let go.

Posted 3 Years Ago


So many faces to life, so many travel with us...you leave no rock unturned and have created a mind blowing poem...the visuals I have to this are one wandering, internal thoughts persevering to intrude...life is such an art of balance...wonderfully done x

Posted 3 Years Ago



I love how you write every single word from your poem! =)) thumbs up!

Posted 3 Years Ago


Never take anything for granted... It will eventually not be there. Very nicely done. I loved it. On a side note there are a couple words here and there missing a letter or misspelled. But it did not take anything away from the feeling... Even had a good flow. I can hear this being done aloud. Do you do any spoken word? If not you should find an open mic nite somewhere and floor everyone. Well done.

Posted 3 Years Ago


An interesting poem. A poem that can fit into many scenario's very well. It is very well written and I glad that I clicked on it when it showed up in my newsfeed. It is a marvelous poem and I am glad that I read it. To me it's almost a friendship in which one is always giving something expecting something in return but it never happens, and this poem reminds me of that. This is a good write.

Posted 3 Years Ago



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Added on June 20, 2013
Last Updated on June 20, 2013

Author

CRZ
CRZ

New York, NY



About
Poet & Artist Thou shall not rest until I make my whole fam rich more..

Writing
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A Poem by CRZ



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