An Ode To A River

Grant me your wisdom, O river lady.

I wish to be a flowing stream.

For nothing lives longer than things like she.

A dying brook has not been seen.

So how does one become like you,

A celestial nymph, creature of light?

Through darkness and gloom, a being of blue,

Subtly sparkling in the night?

“My dear man, give your wish more thought”,

The goddess whispered to me.

“Rivers are many things, but happy they are not.

We live endless cycles of tears, longing to be free.”

Author's Note

Reviews would be greatly appreciated :) Also, in case there's any confusion, cycle of tears refers to the water cycle.

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

Yes I got the water cycle. My only tiny problem with it is that this is a natural process that brings life and health to all of us, one way or another. Isn't this a laudable achievement? Wouldn't a river with a heart and soul like your goddess see this as a job well done and satisfyingly worthwhile? So I like the whole thing. I like giving personality to the river and streams. But I just can't equate unhappiness with the water cycle.

Regards
Nigel

[Ethan]

Yes, in the broad sense, rivers and water are good things. Hence the line "Rivers are many things". She merely tells the man that if he thinks being a river will be fun and fulfill his desires, then he is wrong. Sort of like Atlas holding the sky up. It's necessary for the survival of the entire planet, even praise-worthy, but his punishment is completing the task forever. You're correct though, I don think I express myself as well as id like in this

[Saumya]

Wow! This is one of the most beautiful odes I've read this far 😊
As curious human, we often wish to have the depth of patience, understanding and superficial beauty like that if a river, but we almost can never know how painful it is to be a river...Maybe because we are human and that's a river.

I loved the ending stanza of your poem, that's the most special thing which makes it a wonderful read for me😊

"My dear man, give your wish more thought”,
The goddess whispered to me.
“Rivers are many things, but happy they are not.
We live endless cycles of tears, longing to be free.”

Thankyou or sharing it here:)


-Saumya

[Emily L]

Beautiful but saddening. I know when I look at a river I can't help but feel the same way as anyone else would I suppose. Who wouldn't want to be an admired flowing stream? But we don't realize the eternity of crying the same tears over and over again.This poem flowed so well just as a river would.Your different view of a stream is one to truly think about. Very nice job, I loved it!

[Ethan]

Thank you :P

[Bala Gorthi]

Hi, my first visit to your work !
I wish we all can get the wisdom.
I loved your work and the thought behind those last four verses. Would love to read more of your work.
Thank you for sharing

[emipoemi]

I like the concept of this, but couldn't quite follow at certain moments. For example: "....things like she" (in line 3), is the poetic "I" speaking to this river lady by this time or what? It feels like it was only thus phrased for the sake of rhyming (which in poetry is considered a faux pas). Line 4 - "a dying brook" - seems a little contradictory to "nothing lives longer" in line 3, which adds to the confusion. Each line has power and profundity worthy of poetic praise, but they don't seem to paint the same picture. There are ways to incorporate such lines and still maintain the same integrity they bear: simply expand on those ideas. Feed the power like you would feed laughter after a good set up for a joke. Keep it going until that power has been exhausted until stale so we can really wallow in the poetry that it's creating. It's not particularly necessary to spell everything out (going cryptic and profound is good and fun for both the reader and writer), simply tweak it so we understand what lines are referring to which entity...etc. Lastly, this is just something to think about, it doesn't necessarily need to be dealt with in the same fashion: the last two lines extend the metre a bit too much, but seeing as they are somewhat of the same length, it's not too bad - like a break in the metre for the finish. Pretty good. But play with those lines in the consistency of the metre and decide which sound better (and which have more power). This has potential. Good start!

[Ethan]

Well the river lady is a lady, which is why I used she. And yes, the poetic "I" is speaking to the river lady from the very beginning, I just declined to include quotation marks because I don't like it when poems start with those. This includes all bodies of water, the character is just speaking specifically to a river goddess. So "a dying brook has not been seen" implies that brooks are immortal just as "nothing lives longer than things like she" implies that water goddesses are immortal as well. I understand your points though. Also, the faux pas would depend on whether or not the author chose words for the sake of rhyming, yes? I'm sure you have a good answer to this but I'm confused as to how one writes a rhyming poem without choosing words that rhyme. Are you just saying that I could have chosen a different rhyme scheme? Im a bit confused. Thank you very much for your feedback though, I love negative criticism lol

[emipoemi]

good rhymes tend to flow naturally with the rhythm and poem itself. Rhymes for the sake of rhyming feel forced....like the poet was desperate for a word to rhyme with another, and just picked one because it seemingly made some sense. And I'm not saying choose a different rhyme scheme, I'm merely saying give the reader a bit more clarification as to what things mean - not a wide open extended explanation, just a tad so we know which words are referring to which things/entities. That's all. This has potential, but it's not worth much if just the poet knows what everything means. The reader should be able to decipher the code. For now that you mentioned it, "dying brook has not been seen" is now clearer....I had read "that's" instead of "has" given the phrasing of it. Don't be afraid of using "ne'er" (you go archaic already by saying "....things like she", why not play around with the language, so even the cryptic imagery becomes clear as to what it's painting. For like I said, they're all splendid lines.....most just don't seem to flow into one another in a clear way (maybe the periods are misleading?). Anyway, they're just some thoughts to think about and play with.

[Ethan]

Oooo I like ne'er a lot. It's been so long since Ive written I completely forgot about that word. Thank you

[emipoemi]

I also forgot to mention, the reason why "things like she" is confusing is because you are addressing the River Lady, and the third person is not used in the vocative.

And you're very welcome. Any time

[Ethan]

things like she refers to the stream (female). Does that change anything?

[emipoemi]

nope....for that's not as clear, given you don't quite specify that the stream is female, so the she directly points to the River Lady, and thus adds to the confusion about what lines refer to which entities.

[Ethan]

Ah I see thank you

[emipoemi]

my pleasure. Always happy to help.

[Alfred Kukitz]

I listen to the river's sound it's enchanting voice leads me to a place called home. If I should never hear it's sound I'd be lost in the language of words.

Beautiful!

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, if we were to become a stream a brook, running water...we would be never ending...i wonder if that would be better or worse...knowing how ephemeral life is, we may be better off enjoying each day to the fullest, knowing it will end...we don't take life for granted that way.

[Ethan]

Yes indeed. If only the answer were easy

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Love your style I'll. return to read again some more

[Ethan]

Thank you!

[CMC]

This is a powerful poem. What I like most is how the River Lady is so considerate of the person wishing and how she does not want them to have her burden. Well-penned.

[Ethan]

Thanks Chris :)

[CMC]

You are welcome :)

[Taylor]

This is beautiful. I adore nature and this view of a river only made me love it more. So much emotion is put into the river/"goddess"' heart and it brings out much sympathy in me for nature. Definitely shows nature's point of view with misery. I would definitely enjoy reading more like this. Thank you for sharing, Ethan. (:

[Ethan]

Thanks ❤️ 🙂