Tickory Tickory Tock, The Doc Forgot To Knock

Open my box, dear adversary, and assess its contents.

Scribble the imperfections in your crude clipboard and vomit them out to all, like a nauseous choirmaster. You are sick, not I.

 

This room, pure white (save the blue bruise of your presence),

is my afterlife. When you are here, you interrupt it like a cough in a funeral, a man spilling his mouthy bucket of phlegm everywhere he speaks. When you leave, I am alone with the loud tolls of the clock on the wall sending quaking tremors through my ears as I lay, waiting for your slimy hand to grip my door and enter again.

 

But how I love the scent of the ladies entering my room, wheeling in their gorgeous goblets of heaven and wielding syringes like tiny swords. Each day they fill my body with needles. I am their happy pincushion. The swords bring me pleasure no lover can, as I drift in space and float to the time kept by that clanging clock: 

tick-tock

tick-tock

tick-tock

Until the loud knock of my enemy wakes me again.

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews would be appreciated :)

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I'm 61 & I've only been in the hospital twice, but the last time was 4 years ago & I still remember vividly. You've captured it so well here. I've always wanted to write about that last horrible experience (2 weeks!) but I didn't want to come off like a whiner. In this piece, you've taken it completely out of the realm of complaining, but rather focusing on very outrageously-stated aspects of a hospital stay. There seems to be a little flip-flopping over whether this narrator is in the hospital or in heaven, but I don't think heaven would be this irritating. The title is clever & catchy. Parenthetical phrase, firstline/second paragraph = brilliantly-stated.

[Ethan]

Thank you very much :))

[A.K. Rohner]

This is the kind of poem that would be studied in an advanced English class. First of all, the fluency and word choice is flawless. Second of all, the entire premise of the whole thing is going to keep me awake all night, trying to decipher every hint and clue you've left for us to find. This is a good poem if I've ever saw one. Keep up the good work!

[Ethan]

Wow thank you so much

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Very Poe-like and eerily, surrealistically , exquisitely -penned. Macabre imagery evokes a psychiatrist perhaps invading a patient's "box"/mind and "vomiting" his findings to his fellows.Nurses (?)wheel in mind-altering meds in "goblets of heaven" and multiple syringes. Effective "Tick-tock"s repeated...a tortured mind numbing itself...Excellent.

[Ethan]

Wow, high praise! I wish I could be as good as Poe :P Thank you

[wordman]

the things that comes from ones mind,reality for sure

[Ethan]

Thanks wordman

[MsJewel]

Wow...your words are so powerful. This truly is fantastic writing...quite haunting actually! :) Julie

[Ethan]

Thank you MsJewel :)

[Najam Us Saher]

So descriptive. Every minute detail was perfectly written.

[Ethan]

Thank you.

[Najam Us Saher]

You're welcome. :)

[Maria]

This was just outstanding. You are a great writer. Keep it up

[Ethan]

Thanks maria :)

[Sofia]

Impressive! I liked it. Choice of words are so good. Keep writing :)

[Ethan]

Thanks as always Sofia :)

[Sofia]

Most welcome :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This has a sinister, surreal quality to it. A bit 'A Clock Work Orange' meets Lewis Carroll. The measured quality of your disdain and indifference to this perceived adversary is mixed with subdued, watered-down anger.

[Ethan]

Thank you John :)

[Dawn]

You have some very upfront and tangible word use in this. Great use of descriptor words I thought it was affronting in a great way.

[Ethan]

Thanks a bunch

[Summer Goldhawk]

While I was reading this, it was like I was there, like I smelt what you smelt, saw what you saw, and been through what you've been through! Very powerful Poem!

[Ethan]

Thank you :) nice name btw

[Summer Goldhawk]

Thank you!

[Ethan]

no problemmm