A bothering dilemma

A short excerpt of my 12th book "ON BOTH SIDES OF THE ABYSS".

On that very night when ken fell asleep long afterwards embracing her body, and she felt his regular breathing caressing her nape; Nour could not sleep despite the feelings of safety, while cuddled like a little child in Ken's strong arms. She was home sick and had terrible guilty feelings. She missed her loving mother and her father that cared for her so much and surely hates her now, since she cut off her ties with her family; during her fourth year of studies when she moved to Murad's apartment. Six weeks after her parents haven't had a word from her she stopped sending them letters and stopped calling them; her father travelled to London to look for her; he neither knew Murad's address nor her class mates, but he was told that she lives with a man without being married to him. Samira the Algerian her best friend told her how frustrated and angry he was.

Well that's an unsolved problem that I'll have to live with, they'll never forgive me, not just for refusing to marry father's business associate, but having lost my virginity to some dubious adventurer. Who would marry me now except Ken, if he'll keep his promise…? What am I supposed to do if I'll return from a trip in Syria, and I'll find another smiling face waiting for me; and telling me that he's Ken's replacement…? It can happen in fifteen months from now, at the end of my training, which in fact may end much earlier due to my quick progress in learning the Turkish language, while the Tunisian lingo I speak fluently after hardly five weeks of watching the Tunisian series on TV. What am I supposed to do in such a grim case, if Ken promises will turn out to be just sweet words? Should I turn to the Syrian embassy and give myself up? No, I might be stuck at the embassy's premises, and they'll have difficulties to send me back to Damascus, and if I'll try to reach Damascus in one of my inspection trips to get in touch with Abdul… Oh yes that might be my only way to survive, if Ken would betray me? If some other woman waits for him in his country. If he has ties with some other woman in the embassy or he receives letters there and talks on the phone with some other woman, I can't know a thing of he's doings there, and I'm not allowed to put my foot there.

'Aren't you asleep my love?' Ken asked her softly.

'I've just dozed a bit,' she said and turned around to him. I shouldn't think these desperate thoughts he loves me. She reproached herself and kissed his lips.

© Haim Kadman November 2013 �" all rights reserved.