Why you left me?

Why you left me?

A Poem by Raj Sahu
"

The poem is based on the separation of two loving souls.

"


Why you left me?
Was I wrong?
Why you didn't saw,
That I cried all night long?

Why you left me?
Was there any misunderstanding?
Why you did this?
Was our relation not outstanding?

Why you left me?
Had I ever hurt you?
Why you didn't complained,
And didn't even given me a clue?

I wish that may you return back,
Every day my heart receives an attack.

© 2017 Raj Sahu



Author's Note

Raj Sahu
What is your recommendation to both the souls?

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I love this piece. I think the subject is great and there is feeling in it! A very relatable piece.
There are a few words I switch around and a few I'd add for a smoother read and for understanding purposes.
Example: "why (have) you left me?"
"Why (did you) do this?"
A few words just need switched, but then a few like the one about crying has a tense problem...instead of saw maybe see..."why didn't you (see) that I cried all night long"...
I think this is something you are already working on...but these few adjustments will help the reader a bit with understanding the power behind the poem...because the feeling is there!!
Great job on the subject and emotion!
Tabby

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

5 Months Ago

Thank you very much dear. 😊



Reviews

A great read. Maybe add a few words for better understanding but otherwise shows emotion, confusion. All relative feelings.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

2 Months Ago

Thank you. 😊
Such an emotional and heart stirring poem! I really liked it!

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

3 Months Ago

Thank you so much. 😊
Anjali

3 Months Ago

You are welcome
'Why you left me' a very emotional poem...I loved it

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

4 Months Ago

Thank you. 😊
When people part away, they do so due to some reasons behind it....it may either due lack of understanding or due to dominating behaviour , or may be other reasons.....but the pain it leaves is unbearable....that unbearable pain you portrayed it very well, i enjoyed it, Raj.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

4 Months Ago

Thanks a lot dear. 😊
Priyanshi

4 Months Ago

My pleasure, Raj.
very emotional. this is very raw and emotional and i love it

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

4 Months Ago

Thank you. 😊
I like this piece. You are expressing the feeling of loss. At the same time it blames the other. My recommendation for both the souls, and for each writer is; to observe others we connect with and seek to understand how we appear to them by the way they react to us. In this way, we shift our attention to their way of perception and what matters to them. At that point we may validate, for them, a reason to continue toward a relationship with us. When we write, readers do not concern themselves with how we feel but rather how we make them feel. The same holds true with the people we encounter in this life.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

4 Months Ago

Thank you a lot dear. 😊
Bear was so gracious to give us this fabulous link: www.grammarly.com
This piece is lovely but grammar can kill the most beautiful piece.

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

5 Months Ago

Thanks. Yes, I am agree with you.
I love this piece. I think the subject is great and there is feeling in it! A very relatable piece.
There are a few words I switch around and a few I'd add for a smoother read and for understanding purposes.
Example: "why (have) you left me?"
"Why (did you) do this?"
A few words just need switched, but then a few like the one about crying has a tense problem...instead of saw maybe see..."why didn't you (see) that I cried all night long"...
I think this is something you are already working on...but these few adjustments will help the reader a bit with understanding the power behind the poem...because the feeling is there!!
Great job on the subject and emotion!
Tabby

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

5 Months Ago

Thank you very much dear. 😊
I agree wholeheartedly with Bear's critique. The poem has a good message but it is kinda smothered by the improper word choice and structure. You have to be careful with that because that will tend to turn the reader off. Grammar is just as important as style and plot. Bad grammar overshadows a good plot, especially if it's frequent throughout the piece. But I liked the message it sent and it causes one to ponder over the struggles of love and relationships.

All in all, like the message and style but I would fix the grammar issues :)

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

5 Months Ago

Thanks for your suggestions. I appreciate them.
Conclusion of third line of first verse I would have put 'see' rather than 'saw' -a well written piece with an excellently c hosen image

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

5 Months Ago

Thank you. 😊
George Coombs

5 Months Ago

Your welcome

First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

358 Views
18 Reviews
Rating
Added on May 17, 2017
Last Updated on May 17, 2017
Tags: Love, Separation, Sadness, Cry, Life

Author

Raj Sahu
Raj Sahu

Burhanpur, Madhya Pradesh, India



About
😊😊 Hello everyone. Myself Raj Sahu, a 16 year old boy who is a servant of the God till his last breath. I write poems and thinks that in future I will try other writiings too. I also l.. more..

Writing
The Teacher The Teacher

A Poem by Raj Sahu



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Today Today

A Poem by Saumya


Broken Mirror Broken Mirror

A Story by pia


It's Time It's Time

A Story by Joey Nizz