The Girl from the Gap

The Girl from the Gap

A Poem by Raj Sahu
"

The poet warns the readers against this heinous phantom.

"

She stares
from the hellish dark
beneath the chair
longing to
tear apart
whosoever stare.

Beware!
She's there
looking through
black edge
like a lurid lion
she waits for you.

Don't cast your eye
upon her
O my friend!
Unless you desire
to taste the
hotness of the hellish land.

© 2018 Raj Sahu


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Featured Review

I think there's a lot of story here that never made it to the page. And because the part that didn't is in your head it makes perfect sense as you read. But that, and your intent, never make it to the page, and the reader, unlike you, must make do with what the words suggest to them, based on their background, not yours. So from a reader's viewpoint there are addressable issues:

• She stares from the hellish dark

She? Any particular she? She must be pretty small to fit beneath a chair that has a cover making it dark there.

And: why is the darkness under this unknown chair "hellish while the rest of the place isn't?" If I don't know that how can I even guess at WHY she's staring, and at what?

• longing for tear apart whosoever stare.

Honestly, no matter how I parse this it makes no sense. Especially, given that the "she" you're talking about is the one staring. I'd suggest taking more time to edit before releasing your words into the wild, and editing from the viewpoint of a reader who knows only what the words suggest to them.

Sorry.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

3 Years Ago

For chair, the Girl from the Gap lives under furniture, bed or gaps. I wrote chair because while com.. read more
Raj Sahu

3 Years Ago

I wrote in the short description above that author warns the readers against the heinous phantom. So.. read more
JayG

3 Years Ago

•"I wrote in the short description above that author warns the readers against the heinous phantom.. read more



Reviews

Really well written! Loved how you pulled us in, gave us just enough to let our own imagination take over and fill in the vast blanks and let us make your piece our own, to haunt us in our nightmares. Very Poe-ish and impactful. Really great job!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much.
The image and poetry inspire a sense of fright, so good job with that!
My only critique is that there are a two or three grammatical errors here, and that I wish there were more meaning behind it. The poem seems to be 'flat', if you know what I mean. I read it, and I didn't walk away from it feeling impacted in any way.
This is just my own opinion, though. Keep writing, my friend!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

3 Years Ago

Thank you.
Damn, that picture really scared me lol. I love how dark this poem is! Great job!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

3 Years Ago

Thank you.
This kind of freaked me out. Not completely sure if that was what your were trying to do but great work. When I first read the title. I thought it was about a girl shopping at the Gap Haha.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

3 Years Ago

Yes, many felt like that. But it is a horror poem. Thank you.
Nicely done! The picture sets the creepy tone really well :D

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much.
Scary, I loved the imagery this created for me, a haunting write

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

3 Years Ago

Thank you dear! 😃
I came into this piece expecting it to be about someone falling in love with a girl they saw while shopping at "The Gap". That is NOT what I got.

This is quite the piece. Well written, and I loved the "Ju-On" pic.
-Richard

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

3 Years Ago

Thank you very much.
Oh! I never ever knew such a ghost. The girl from the gap is a nice work of yours.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

3 Years Ago

Thank you.
The girl is too terrible to behold. Horror indeed.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

3 Years Ago

Thank you.
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
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Quite interesting is this a story for kids to be scared or...?

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

3 Years Ago

Comprehend it in anyway. Thank you!

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1212 Views
28 Reviews
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Added on April 18, 2018
Last Updated on June 4, 2018
Tags: Horror, The Girl from the Gap, Dark, Fear, Hell

Author

Raj Sahu
Raj Sahu

Burhanpur, Madhya Pradesh, India



About
Myself Raj Sahu from the historic town of Burhanpur, Madhya Pradesh, India. I had completed my high schooling with flying colours from Choithram School, Indore in Humanities stream and was first in or.. more..

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