Second Thoughts

Experimental writing.

Wanting. 

Feeling wanted. 

That was what she wanted. 

She'd waited too long for this moment to arrive. But now, when it was finally there, that she was finally going to do it, she'd started having second thoughts. For tonight was the night that they were going to try. Her second thoughts weren't even because she doubted him. No, she felt sure. He was the right one for her. And she'd waited far too long to let this moment pass. "Get a grip!", she told herself. 

"What was it?", she asked herself. Reflecting on her inner thoughts, she probed for the answers that were making her restless. Incompatibility. That was the word that sprang in her mind when she searched herself. They were compatible enough when it came to ideas and opinions. Nearly agreed upon everything. But whether they would be compatible enough in bed, that was the question. Or rather, whether she would be compatible enough. "What if I mess it up?", she couldn't stop herself from thinking this even now, when she knew they were going to do it anyway. But she was afraid for after. "What if he realizes we can't get along fine?", thoughts came creeping in. She was much too agitated and that was when he entered. 

He was much too relaxed, and threw a casual smile towards her which she tried to return, her mouth now completely dry. She bowed her head, while eyeing his every move from a sideways glance. He'd started taking off his shoes. His tie. She couldn't believe herself that it was now, that at this time she was faltering. She put on a brave face, plastering a smile on her face and got up. Facing him. It was now or never. At least she would know. 

Some worries are better left for another time...

                                                  

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Reviews

[LazerRays]

Aye, this reminded me of those short stories they make you read in high school (oh, yeah. Even in this genre. Tells you a lot about America)
anyway, one of those stories from high school reminded me of this. The woman and man are fighting. The whole story is a play. Instead of words, it was tone. Like this
woman: exaggerated speech, question?
Man: defensive answer, childish insult.

With only those words we could tell the story! Thus proving that tone was more important than the words. This was one of those stories. The tone was the most powerful thing in here. And... Haha, this was the most innocent tone ever, ironically. Considering what this story was preceding. Hahaha. Nice job yumna!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Well, seeing as the writer of this piece is as innocent as ever, of course ;) lol jk
I think I wrote this piece in an attempt to analyze whether I could be good at fiction writing but I still haven't reached a conclusion. Although that's always the option ;)
And yes, I do think the tone matters a lot.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here and for liking this piece, Sarah. Always appreciated. x

[GwenLark]

I very much enjoyed this, well done

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you. Glad you enjoyed 😊

[Nigel Newman]

Yumna Hi. I've only just happened upon this for some reason even though there are comments from 5 months ago. (My technical relationship with WC leaves something to be desired ...)

Well everybody else has said all the things about insecurity vs bravado, and I totally agree with that. However, I'm slightly perplexed about the apparent nothing to everything transition, when there are oftentimes a few intermediate stages which 'test out' compatibility. I note the reference to his tie - is this perhaps a wedding night story set in a culture where pre-marriage 'courting' is closely supervised? And if so, should the apprehension extend to married life as well?

As far as the writing itself is concerned, I LOVE the opening 3 lines. Very clever. Very apt. Succinct but they say so much. Bravo!

Thereafter I found a couple of proof-read things
- far too longer (?)
- sprang up her mind (?)
- while eyed his every move (?)
- some worries are better left off (?)

It's interesting that once we're past those first 3 lines the whole story is about apprehension. Given that you've called it 2nd Thoughts this makes perfect sense. And yet I wonder if the desire they presumably feel for each other (i.e. beyond thoughts and opinions) should at least be acknowledged.

I hope these comments are helpful and that I'm not offending or being too base - sorry if it seems so.

Regards
Nigel

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Oh that had nothing to do with WC, I decided to repost it again today having worked on it a bit. Clearly needs more improvement, so I'm glad I did :)
As for your reference to the tie, no, it wasn't written as a marriage night thing. Thank you for pointing out the proof errors too.
As for the acknowledgement, well, I didn't mention it but this piece is actually part of a scene of a novel I'm currently writing. I decided to post this to see if I could do okay in the erotic genre.
Your comments and appreciation are highly valued here, Nigel. Thank you for reviewing 😊

[V]

Erotica with a thoughtful attitude behind it. The uncertainties before doing it with someone you entirely adore. Understandable somehow. It's softly erotic, not raunchy just nicely capturing how it is. I liked the first part a lot, the contemplating part. Maybe because I always do so too but in general. I'm the emotional type though, uncertainties might be washed away in the moment similar to your ending. I also think you'd expand on that.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

This is a mixture of reality, imaginations, fantasies. That first part is really more like me. I've been working on this piece for about a week now so yes I'll be expanding it although it's too long lol

I think contemplating it is better than regretting afterwards. Tbh I've never gone past the contemplating phase lol

Thank you for the thoughtful review on this piece, Vanessa! I appreciate your words 😊

[V]

Oh I knew that it's just you ;) I thought so about the erotic part because of your culture and so on..

But if you never try out you'll never know either. But I know here the cultural part and perceptions of moral mingled with religion etc kicks in..

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahaha I've read enough to know about it 😉 might have once strayed towards but only just held back...
Don't worry I'll try 😛

[V]

Ok but reading is at times just an overdone and trashy description of the real happening but I certainly don't want to rid you of your lovely illusion :P Still nice though and oh yeah you'd def be missing something if you didn't.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I don't have a lovely illusion at all! I know sex is an over rated thing 😉

[V]

Haha sometimes it is but it can be really nice too ;)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Lol lol now you're spoiling it, Vanessa 😛😂

[V]

Noo abs not. I can tell by experience 😛😇😏

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Haha I know you can 😂 😛

[V]

Good. I'm glad I can, actually. Lol.

[Giulia King]

Make it longer, Yumna! I flows beautifully, my friend :)

[Tony Jordan]

Make it longer...make it bigger...make it glow in the dark...you women are never satisfied...
(just kidding Gullia - lol - hi)
;p

[Giulia King]

HAHAHAHAAHA

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahahah yeah I'm working on this one, Gullia! Thank you 😊💜

[David R Gonzalez]

This was a fun read and a nice expression of emotions.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, David! I'm glad you liked it ☺

[Jibey]

A wonderful description of the nervous anticipation of coming together intimately for the first time...

It's a salutary reminder to we guys that most girls need a lot of reassurance and gentle foreplay to relax them and help them to enjoy the moment...

Sometimes we guys feel very nervous and inadequate too!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for your thoughts here, Jibey! I feel as if both sides are misunderstood in this aspect 😉

[Tony Jordan]

Boys/guys feel exactly the same way when that time comes around. They have bragged so much in front of their mates and spoke like experts but they are afraid in many instances.
I think you captured a universal truth - those myriad thoughts assailing, very well and conveyed it very well to the reader. No wonder the first time is mostly a fumbling more than anything.
I'm sure this will be relatable to most Yumna.
Well done my friend :))

Oh and may I add that you really conveyed the differences between the characters in terms of experiences loudly but subtly and skilfully.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

While I must say that sex is an exaggerated thing (in my opinion) it's thoughts that come before doing the act is what troubles the mind..
I couldn't focus on the guys' thoughts having no idea how that species minds work lol but I do know that's how most girls think 😛
Thank you for your thoughts, Tony! I'm glad I was able to convey what I wanted to ☺ and I'll be expanding it too ☺😉

[Tony Jordan]

I think sex itself - the physical aspect gets better the more its done because the mind and the body often are 'out of sync' but once they are calibrated, so to speak then sxe can be actually transcending.
I appreciate how difficult it must be to visualise the guy's POV.

I had written in my original review that I thought you'd stopped earlier than I expected but I then thought you were leaving the outcome for the reader to imagine, so I deleted the original review.
You're welcome Yumna. :))

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hmm well I think it's easier for you to say because it's more about experience which counts lol..read moreHmm well I think it's easier for you to say because it's more about experience which counts lol..
Even I felt that I finished it earlier that's why I mentioned it's a work in progress.. I was going to write an erotic piece but felt too lazy 😛

[Tony Jordan]

Yes I agree.
I think here you've went beyond a 'merely' erotica - and when I say that I don't mean to demean erotica - but you took it (or it took you) into the realm of...idk...the human condition?
This is bigger than the sum of it's parts.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Err right.. ☺

[Tony Jordan]

haha - let it sink in...
xDD