Transforming (A Heartless Torture)

A Collaboration With Gwen Goad

Transforming 

(A Heartless Torture)

Such a laugh I’ve had toying with your mind

pretending I’m a nice person 

whilst transforming all the time

being there for you obtaining your trust

allowing you to confide in me,

your feelings now crushed to dust

I built up your confidence

knowing I was always there

little did you know I never really did care

I told you to be at the same place every single day 

talked to you for a week or two

and then just went away

leaving you to wonder,

leaving you in tears,

leaving with no real answer

death among your fears 

As I slowly corrupt your mind 

you're staying awake all night

I know I’m torturing your heart

my darkness shades your light

will you ever catch on you gullible little s**t

I won’t stop until I know

your wrists have been left cut

I want to destroy your perception of love

so all you feel is hate

read my words of wisdom

lock your f*****g gate 

Author's Note

The Second collaboration With Gwen Goad Its been a long time coming read her poem "lived through the darkness" please read and review both honestly

Reviews

[Tony]

This sounds like something Gollum would say, if he could do poetry with his teeny warped mind.
From start to finish, the most exquisite examples of human obscenity.
From the pretense that 'i never liked you anyway', into the exposure of this lie, through a need to brag on dirty deeds done. And then terminated with the ultimate destroyer of reason, Empty and Unwarranted threats.

Repulsive personality, The Ripper, without a mind.

Within the bones of a fairly normal seeming person, this voice is that of the raped child, never healed, but further damaged by 'protective institution or entities', then the scabs picked and miserable of thought. I would say a meth addled tweaker might fit the bill, but only if the person was reduced to a barely perceptible shadow before submitting to a n even darker angel.
This smells strongly of Fear and Hate, borne of Comparison.
Pretty well written though, I am thinking it would make a good metal tune.

[Liza]

a wolf in sheep's clothing for sure here; unfortunately good hearts get taken advantage of; the mind of a sociopath it seems - one that has no feeling or has been ripped of their innocence and in turn does the same to others....

a complimentary collaboration - i can't tell where the style begins or ends....

[Willow]

I'm not big on emotion-bent poetry, but this is beautifully written, less a few spelling errors. The cadence was next to perfect, only reflecting minor flaws, and only one typo stood out (your use of the incorrect "you're" in the 18th line). Symbolism is, again, correctly used, and the same with your metaphorical message behind "gate." All in all, a wonderful poem.

[They.Call.Me.Mo]

Beautifully angry! I love it. It makes the reader feel the emotion from the very start.

[{A}shley {B}lack @-;-]

typo corrected thanks Tommy much appreciated

[John Knowles]

I'm going to assume this is from a fictional perspective to make a point about the narrator being an a*****e. If that's that case, very nice. At first the constant rhyming got to me (more of an opinion on rhymes. Doesn't really reflect on your writing.) and then I found the rhythm and it worked out better on my second time through. Very great work. I really like the first three lines the best. The profanity works out well because it's placed where it would make the most effect instead of randomly.

[Tommy]

You know I think the hard part with collaboration is trying to make it feel like one set of thoughts, and I think you two did very well with this! In line eleven down there is a typo, I think you meant [you] instead of "Your." I always find myself doing just the opposite and typing you for your, and it drives me crazy. lol.

Nice Write!
RLG,
Tommy

[Deactivated_BurningDemo..]

Dark and well written. Another Black piece. I never tire of your work.

[EmpressPoetess]

very ugly content. Dark and mean, but well constructed, clearly written.

[Sunni Davis]

Its very dark but also very well written. Very compelling work.

[Dilan Gray]

You are just way too fantastic Ashley! You never cease to amaze me with your writing. You did so well. Great poem, I love how mean it is.