Transforming (A Heartless Torture)

A Collaboration With Gwen Goad

Transforming 

(A Heartless Torture)

Such a laugh I’ve had toying with your mind

pretending I’m a nice person 

whilst transforming all the time

being there for you obtaining your trust

allowing you to confide in me,

your feelings now crushed to dust

I built up your confidence

knowing I was always there

little did you know I never really did care

I told you to be at the same place every single day 

talked to you for a week or two

and then just went away

leaving you to wonder,

leaving you in tears,

leaving with no real answer

death among your fears 

As I slowly corrupt your mind 

you're staying awake all night

I know I’m torturing your heart

my darkness shades your light

will you ever catch on you gullible little s**t

I won’t stop until I know

your wrists have been left cut

I want to destroy your perception of love

so all you feel is hate

read my words of wisdom

lock your f*****g gate 

Author's Note

The Second collaboration With Gwen Goad Its been a long time coming read her poem "lived through the darkness" please read and review both honestly

Reviews

[Tony]

This sounds like something Gollum would say, if he could do poetry with his teeny warped mind.
From start to finish, the most exquisite examples of human obscenity.
From the pretense that 'i never liked you anyway', into the exposure of this lie, through a need to brag on dirty deeds done. And then terminated with the ultimate destroyer of reason, Empty and Unwarranted threats.

Repulsive personality, The Ripper, without a mind.

Within the bones of a fairly normal seeming person, this voice is that of the raped child, never healed, but further damaged by 'protective institution or entities', then the scabs picked and miserable of thought. I would say a meth addled tweaker might fit the bill, but only if the person was reduced to a barely perceptible shadow before submitting to a n even darker angel.
This smells strongly of Fear and Hate, borne of Comparison.
Pretty well written though, I am thinking it would make a good metal tune.

[northern monkey]

This is so dark but so compelling - careful who you share it with!? Powerful, uncomfortable, real - your writing skilfully speaks the unspeakable.

[Val Val]

I'm not thrilled with this style of poetry. I don't enjoy the subject or the delivery. Certain word choices and phrases irk me. Like whilst and 'death among your fears'. Aside from that it is okay. I suspect if I was more in a mood to review people I don't know I might find something more uplifting to say but you solicited this and asked me to be honest. So there it is.

[jessica Wray]

it is good but some words could get fixed

[Ashleyx]

The overall tone of this piece speaks to me as more of a song than a poem. However the rhythm is a little off, so if may suggest, tighten up the rhythm just a bit? Also i think some good visualizations would enhance it as well.
Otherwise you have the concept of a "heartless torture" down, you just need to work on the execution.
Happy writing!

[tynamite]

This is evil in words. It's harsh. I can feel the coldness in the person, reading this. It's very good.

[Patches I'm not so new..]

very dak very mean spirited you have gotten the point across magnificently
A deamon wrote this someone that laughs in glee over hurting people particularly women if I read this correctly. The poem is actually good but one cravat I dislike like the use of vulger language in a poem or story. It is my contention that the English language is versitile enough and euridit enough that such language isn't needed. outside of that you have a very well written piece here.

[Grace Catherine C.]

Powerful, mean, angry, and I adore the last line, great job!

[A Risen Heroine.]

This is very well written!
Great job.
I like it!

~A Fallen Heroine~