Amaranth

Too soon she is taken form your loving arms,

Too soon she is forced to leave.

The mother, the wife, the friend we all knew,

Was left to rot away.

 

I watched the glitter melt from her eyes.

I watched as she faded away.

The mother, the wife, the friend we all knew,

Was left to die that day.

 

The future I saw, and hopped to stop,

The future we lived today

I’m sad to say are one in the same

As your love fell dead that day

Reviews

[Wolf_Lord]

Whether this is fictional or real, the sentiments expressed in this poem are fantastic. To be able to write of another's pain is a rare ability. The fact that it is from the viewpoint of an character make that much more special. On the poem I give you 100. On the Technical 85%. I have taken the liberty of cleaning it up and added a couple of flourishes of my own. These are just suggestions but you are welcome to use them if you wish. Wolf_Lord ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

Too soon she is taken from your loving arms
Why is it she is forced to leave?
The mother, the wife; the friend we all knew
Was left to slowly rot away

I watched the glitter melt from her eyes
I watched as she bit by bit faded away
The mother, the wife; the friend we all knew
Was left behind to die on that day

The future I saw; and hoped to stop
The future we lived in now and today
I’m sad to say are one in the same
As our true love fell dead that day

[Zoë]

This poem is 100% fictional, and it's inspired by some of the characters in my story. In that sense, my protagonist wrote this for the husband of her friend who was recently killed in battle. They'd all been friends for a long time, so I'm glad that sentiment came through.
I like your suggestions, but I don't think I'll use them. That's a lie, I might steal parts from them because I like how you rephrased some things :) But, over all, I like the flow of my original and I feel like some of your changes disrupt that flow. I don't want people to get caught up in the words, I want them to be able to read it easily. But I do like your suggestions, and I will take them into consideration :)

[Taino]

You can feel the pain of the person in the poem. The emotion can be felt in each line. Awesome work!

[Hannah Grace]

I will say I teared up reading this. Whether or not this is fiction or nonfiction, you have done a great job at the description of the emotional way it is to see or watch someone we love dearly die such a brutal death. Thank you for sharing!
~Hannah Grace

[Zoë]

I'm glad that you liked it Hannah, sorry if I made you cry at all :)

[Elmarie]

Hi Zoe

A truly lovely poem that says a lot. I loved this part "The future I saw, and hopped to stop,
The future we lived today" It suggests to me a hint of vision or clairvoyance, But then we are all at liberty to read into it as we see. Very nice Zoe keep up the good work. :)

[Zoë]

You are absolutely correct to suggest that it's hinting at clairvoyance because ot totally is. The best friend of the character that 'wrote' this poem has futur vision and often warns her of coming trgedys (which the character then tries to prevent), this was one such instance.
But hey, to each his own, right.

[Zoë]

It instead of "ot" and future instead of "futur" sorry about those spelling mistakes XD

[Elmarie]

No worries remember you can always hit the pencil icon at the bottom of a post to edit it. Nice day :)

[Elmarie]

MMM maybe you can't do that with comments sorry :)

[Zoë]

I think you can on a computer, but I'm on my phone :)

[Kuro]

This would be very nice for a eulogy except for the word "rot". Was there someone in particular you wrote this for?

[Zoë]

It was actually written as a eulogy, but rot was the best word I could find for that spot, so it is a bit weird. I didn't write it for anyone in particular, but it is inspired by some characters from a story I'm writing

[avant security guard]

liked it

noticed by someone else, is the typo

hopped

instead of hoped

maybe if you were writing about beer

hey, I like the dots over the "E'

[Zoë]

Thanks for pointing out that typo again, I completely forgot to fix that. I'm glad you liked it :)

[Usman Muhammad]

Amazing poem and at the same time it is very sad too. Battles have caused humans an irreparable loss, but we as humans, as the most intelligent specie on Earth have never ever came close enough to realize
that how much horrible are the effects of war. Last stanza is my favourite pick.Keep on writing.
Regards
Usman

[Zoë]

Thanks a lot! The last line is definitely my favourite as well

[H.L. Cerveise]

I liked it; however, there are some incorrect words, change those, and it will be great. Here is how I changed to fix those things. I tied to make those changes but not change what you are saying.

Too soon she is taken from your loving arms.
Too soon she is forced to leave.
She was the mother, the wife, the friend we all knew.
It was left to rot away.
I watched the glitter melt from her eyes.
I watched as she faded away.
The mother, the wife, the friend was all knew.
It was left to die that day.

The future I saw, and hopped to stop,
The future we lived today.
I’m sad to say are one in the same.
As your love fell dead that day.

[Zoë]

I'm glad you liked it! Yeah, I've noticed a few spelling errors as people keep reviewing this. I'll fix those up as soon as I can :)
While I like your suggestions, I probably won't use them. It's the same with Wolf_Lord's suggestions, I feel they may mess up the flow or disrupt the meaning. But I will definitely take them into consideration :)

[A Humble Poet]

That was beautiful! Such sadness and passion, I loved every line of it!

[Zoë]

Thanks a lot! I'm glad you liked it ^^

[Savannah Shippy]

excellent I don't exactly understand what it means though

[Zoë]

I'm glad you liked it. The easiest way to explain it is that one of my characters died, and this a poem that her friend wrote from the character's husband. That's why she's saying "your" love instead of "my" love :)