Veracious words and the Framed Photograph (First Chapter)

"What the hell?!" Anne exclaimed loud enough for the neighbors to hear. "You just uploaded your picture a minute ago and you already have like, 20 likes. You rock, girl. You rock."

"That's because I'm perfect." I said with a smirk.

"No, dear. You made yourself perfect." Anne replied, envy evident in her words.

"What do you mean?"

"Look," she pushed me towards the mirror, "You had blonde hair, you got them dyed. You have applied foundation and base, and lip liner in a way that makes your lips look thicker and better than they actually are. You wear contacts. And you’ve got a nose job. So, honey, your 'perfection' is not real, you've just cov-"

The shrill voice of a bell echoed through the cherry walls of the enormous room, interrupting Anne. She reached forward to receive the call while I stood there, dumbfounded by the truth behind her words. She was right, my beauty is fake, it's artificial.

"Uh oh, I got to go, Mike is here. Bye! Wish me luck with my date!" She bid me farewell as she left for a date with her soon-to-be boyfriend, or so it seemed. After she was gone, I went back to my room and stood in front of the mirror of the bureau that held my cosmetics and styling products.

A girl with light blue contact lenses and mascaraed thick lashes stared back at me. Her lids were lined thick with black eyeliner that made her eyes look appealing. She had plush, thick lips and straight, crimson red hair. The light shade of pink that had been used as a blush-on and perfect contouring on her skin made her look like the epitome of absolute beauty. I viewed my reflection carefully, examining every detail and checking for any flaw that could be found despite the heavy, yet natural-looking maquillage.

I walked over to my bedside table and pulled the knob of the drawer, revealing the framed photograph of a sixteen-year old. She had blonde hair, blue eyes and pale skin. Her thin lips were curved into a smile and her nose was a bit too large for her face. Sheer happiness was visible in her eyes as she beamed at me, showing her braces. Despite being prettier than my old self, I wasn't happy with what I had done to myself. A wave of emotions passed through me as I stared at the photograph. It was a secret that had to be hidden, a confidential object that no one should know about. It had the power to snatch the pride and reputation I had worked so hard on building; the pride and reputation for which I messed up with my natural features.

It took me back a year, where all the insecurities and insults coupled up and attacked me. That was the time I decided to change myself, the segment of my life where I spent thousands of dollars just to get rid of their insults. Though I became popular really quick when I shifted to another school in a foreign city permanently with my new and fake appearance, I still missed the time when I had been the type of not caring about what others thought about me. But when insults were thrown my way every day, they eventually broke the shield I had used to protect myself and made me vulnerable to every petty comment made on or about me like stones and pebbles being thrown towards an object manufactured of delicate glass.

Author's Note

Do leave comments! Thanks for giving it a try!

Reviews

[WriterGirl247247]

Interesting. I like your concept a lot, and sadly it's all too real. The bantering at the beginning is interesting. You start off the chapter with Anne sounding supportive, but then flip it to make her look two faced. Maybe more interactions with her will show her true face? We'll see.

You touch on the backstory of why she changed herself. Hopefully we see why soon.

The chapter kicks off with a bang and continues, but the ending feels a little abrupt. Maybe think of a way to help wrap up cleanly without leaving any loose strings? Just a thought.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

[WanderingDavid]

Here are a few thoughts. The chapter starts out very strong with vibrant dialogue and interesting banter. There are some weak spots, like this sentence, "She greeted me farewell as she left for a date with her soon-to-be boyfriend, or so it seemed." (How do you greet farewell -- maybe "bid" farewell would be better? And, for the life of me, I'm not sure what the "so it seemed" means). Anyway, that's quibbling. Last comment: I didn't like the last paragraph. Show me, don't tell me. Take me back to that year and show me.

[H]

This is really good, I enjoyed your exploration on the theme. One tiny edit suggestion:
instead of "you got them dyed," instead put "you go it dyed," I don't know why but referring to hair in plural pronouns is... Other than that this is perfect.

[AnayaJ.]

Thanks so much! :)

[Chris]

Backstory, emotional growth, and personal appeal. We make conscious choices over unconscious perceptions. A lot of people have the "late-night" questions of just where we went as we walked our paths. So many do question the morality - personal and otherwise - of our choices. Facade over natural over what really does make a shyt within our minds ...and hindsight really isn't always 20-20 afterall.

[AnayaJ.]

I am so sorry but I don't get what you're trying to say. :D
Is that an advise? Do reply if it is so I will definitely try to work on it :)
Thanks for reviewing :)

[Chris]

I am saying you provided good "Backstory, emotional growth, and personal appeal." The rest was a comment TOWARD your expressed thoughts.

[matrixmark]

Change this... You wear contacts. And you’ve got a nose job.
To this...You wear contacts, and you've got a nose job.


Change this....So, honey, your 'perfection' is not real, you've just cov-"
To this...So, honey, you're perfection is not real, you've just cov-"

Change this...Her lids were lined thickly
To this...Her lids, lined thick with.

Really, really imaagery of a girl looking at herself in a mirror A great sense of sadness when the girl looks at a past picture of herself. A nice little touch with the braces beng added into the imagery.

Once again, good work.

Mark.

[AnayaJ.]

'You're' is a contraction of 'you are', so 'your perfection' is correct. Thanks for the review though! :)

[matrixmark]

Yes...you are correct..my bad....my eyes are starting to see things....too much time looking at my screen.

Mark.