Chapter 6-The Void

Letter to the Lover.

Dear, Dearer, Dearest,

After a long time I wish I need to write this. After that accident, now almost more than one year. I didn’t call you. My disabilities that left me on a bed forever, pretty bad scars on my face that even frightened me to look in the mirrors that hold me back from you. These days I was living on memories that left in me. Its hurts and really hard to live in memories. I’m alive but also I’m dead. Why God is so cruel to me at the same time he gives me the best happiness of my life. It was you dear- my world, my life and my happiness.

I’m alone in my home, I never went out of my bed. I’m living my life on my bed, daily she is" my home nurse -taking care of me. I didn’t see any faces even mine for this long. One think I know is that my face is scary and now my scars are covered with my dirty beard. May be I will be the ugliest person in the world now. But still I am happy.

I can’t invite you back to my life again. I can’t be the same person that you loved. I know I hurt you so much. I didn’t contact you so far. I have my own reasons and explanation for that. I Love you so much, so I didn’t like to bring you to my life for sharing my sufferings. I left you only because I love you. I hope you know that. Did you find someone? I hope you are living a beautiful life with someone better than me. I always pray for you dear. Every second on my life, I am thinking about you only. 

Wish I could see sunshine again, stand under a rain and hug you tight, walk with you for a thousand miles, hold your face with my hands and stare at your eyes that puzzled me, listen to your beautiful voice again, lay on your lap and see stars glittering in your eyes, Normally everyone in my situation will think that death will be a relief. But I don’t. Because I am afraid that I will lose you. If I close my eyes I can see you and feel you. I don’t want to be empty. You filled my voids and let it be there forever. Even your memories are hurting me, I found a happiness in that. Those memories I treasure the most will dissolve with me.

I’m writing this to tell you that, if you love me, consider this as a request and once you read this forget me and forget all forever and live a beautiful life. Its hurts me if you are hurt because of me. Just know that I’m here alive and happy because you’re happy. Wish we never met again and my prayers for your happy life.

                                   

     With Love