Without You

It seems that you have said something through your eyes

life seems to complete without sleeping

soul is there but my breath is stopping

 

I know that you didn't need a support

I am here only for giving you my side

 

Everytime i met you

It seems that your eyes want to ask something

 

Travelling through a long distance i get a doubt

It seems that your eyes are seeing me

 

It seems that moments of my life are going to stop

It seems that life is moving so fast

so fast away from reach

 

I always think about you

like all my breath i take is for you

 

Like something you hide from me

It seems that your eyes want to see me

Life seems to complete without sleeping

Soul is there but my breath is stopping

 

i am here but incomplete Without you. . .

Reviews

[kelly]

Much better than the other poem you had! This seems a bit like a song. I would recommend a few changes to strengthen the meaning. Take out 'that' and a lot of non-native speakers tend to use 'are -ing' rather than the simple tense, although
in the case of stopping, sleeping and moving- the -ing works well and structures the poem.

Try changing the flow a bit "It seems you have said something with your eyes"
"It seems that your eyes see me"
"It seems that moments of my life are going to stop"
""Like something you hide from me"

[trainwreck]

This is a nice poem. I like the last line the most.

[kyrie]

I like this. Your flow seems a little stilted, but in a way it works, since you are saying you are incomplete without them.

[Mauricio Montoya]

Great choice of words to describe those inner feelings one can have for another. I like how this comes together. Excellent write.

[Marie Harrison]

Very romantic to me. So much emotion in this poem. I'm glad that I read it.

[♥Kaitlyn♥]

I like it
It was very good :)

[Nat.]

I love the idea of questioning eyes :)

[jessica Wray]

awwwwwwwwwwwww

[Richard Williams]

A good poem, sincerely moving.

[RJM]

Seems like you are drawing this from somewhere deep, hope your fortunes change and as always great write

[Ashley Myers]

awwwww so sweet