Kill Me.

Kill Me.

A Poem by AleyshaRosa

Love me dreadfully

Kiss me violently

Love me so terribly

So absolutely filthily

 

Kill me so passionately

So we can f**k pitifully

And gnaw with snarling

Lips and biting teeth

 

Hate me baby

Don’t you dare save me

Kill me baby

Run your tongue over my teeth

And the slip the knife from my back

 

© 2013 AleyshaRosa


Author's Note

AleyshaRosa
I feel like it's a little raw, but let me know what you think

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Reviews

Oh wow! This is really awesome. I enjoyed the intense passion and desire in this poem . Nice job and thank you for sharing.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Definitely passionate.

Nice work:D

Posted 6 Years Ago


Holy s**t. I loved this. I don't usually like profanity in writing, but I did in this one, it seemed to really call for it. Every line was strong and seemed somehow meant to be there. It was definitely raw; raw, descriptive, and passionate.

...it also worries me a bit at how much I enjoyed this poem.

Posted 6 Years Ago


I love that. The second stanza in particular grabs me, it's appropriately raw and more intimate each time I read it. This isn't just a poem about sex.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Hey, Rosa-Dosa ..

Don't say "Kill me violently" I hate seeing someone as beautiful as you get hurt ...
I'd say .. if you really love killing yourself by someone then please say this "Kill me Smoothly"... I really hate those who treat you violently but love those who treat you happily as same as a flower ... Hey .. i think i should write something for you about this site .. i've modified your this poem ..

It was a your way to think to write on the concept of "KILL ME" now please have a look at my way to write on the concept of "KILL ME" ...

Love me peacefully
Kiss me Smoothly
Hug me tightly thereby ..
I could feel you Warmly ..

Kill me lightly So ..
We can f**k Wildly
Bite my lips heartly
I want to be feel you luckily

Love me, hug me, feel me baby ...
Don't you dare to hurt me
Just Save me & Help me, Baby
Run your tongue over my teeth
What I want is just to feel your breeze.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Raw in a good way! It reminds me of the song "Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words, killing me softly with his song"...

Posted 6 Years Ago


AleyshaRosa

6 Years Ago

Absolutely! I never thought of the Fugee's when writing this song, but that's a great comparison!
Its the work of the angels ... to persistently persuade a person to give up and surrender ... and then ... and only then ... will the knife slip away.

Posted 6 Years Ago


i love it. passion, yes. i also like the rhythm, especially kill me so passionately, so we can f**k so pitifully...and hate me baby, don't you dare save me, kill me baby.

the last line, is the word the supposed to be before slip?

Posted 6 Years Ago


AleyshaRosa

6 Years Ago

Thank T for your always amazing reviews

And yeah, I just realized that. Haha it Is a ty.. read more
This piece has an interesting flow because of the adjectives tacked onto the line ends (especially in the first stanza). However this being said, I feel that the overuse of adjectives focuses more on "telling" as opposed to "showing" the reader the intense passional/raw feelings behind this piece. By focusing more on how the "other" lover in this piece can "love dreadfully" and "kiss me violently" I think you will arrive at a more real, intense, and profound place poetically.

On a side note, the repetition of "love" in the first stanza does seem slightly unnecessary, unless you plan on distinguishing between the different in "loving dreadfully" and "loving terribly"!

Keep up the excellent writing, I look forward to seeing what you can do!

Cheers,

VK

Posted 6 Years Ago


AleyshaRosa

6 Years Ago

Thanks for the feedback, VK
Much appreciated, I'll definitely look into your review suggestion.. read more

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387 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on November 23, 2013
Last Updated on November 23, 2013
Tags: love, hate

Author

AleyshaRosa
AleyshaRosa

Abbotsford, BC, Canada



About
Canadian, eh? I've been writing since I was 13 (I'm now 18) and have recently started back up on writing a novel that I'm now half through. I mostly write prose poems and short stories with a tonne .. more..

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