Three

            I woke up the next morning still in my clothes from the day before, lying on my fully made bed. I sat up and stretched, feeling the tight pull in my stiff muscles. As everything from the day before rushed back to me, I reached under my pillow and pulled out my poetry notebook.

            Forty five minutes later, I headed down the winding staircase and walked into the kitchen, my fluffy slippers squeaking on the white tile floor. I stuck a piece of bread in the toaster and sat down at the island, waiting for it to pop.

            I heard a yawn from behind me, and my mom shuffled into the kitchen. She picked up her cup of coffee off the counter, and said, “What are you doing up so early?”

            It was just like her to forget about our argument from the night before. Of course she wouldn’t want to sit down and talk it out with me; she would just want to pretend it never happened.

            I looked at the clock above her head. It was 10:27 on a Saturday morning. I was pretty sure that wasn’t early, but I just shrugged in reply.

            “Okay, well, I’ve got a lot of work to do. I’ll be in my office. Try not to bother me.” And with that, she left the kitchen, coffee in hand. I heard her office door shut, and I shot a dirty look in her direction.

            “Morning,” Ray said as he entered the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of juice and stood across from me at the island. “How’s it going?”

            I shrugged again, not really in the mood for talking. I wasn’t a morning person.

            “Was that mom?” he asked, looking past me to the hallway where she’d just disappeared.

             “Yep.”

            “Did you guys work everything out?”

            “That’s never going to happen, and you know it. Mom doesn’t treat me the same way she treats you.”

            Ray sighed. “She hasn’t been the same ever since dad died. She alienates us.”

            My father had died four years before in a car accident. It was an early winter morning, and he was driving down a back road on his way to work. A car was coming fast the opposite way, and my dad moved to the side to put more space between it and his vehicle. What happened was, he hit a patch of black ice and went spinning out of control. His car went off the road and hit a tree head-on. He died instantly.

            “She alienates me more,” I pointed out, sighing.

            Ray shook his head disapprovingly. “Mom loves you, but it’s just hard for her to be around you. You’re so much like dad. You look like him, you talk like him, you even use the same facial expressions. It’s saddening, yet comforting in a way. It’s like… there’s a part of him still here with us. He lives in you.”

            I said nothing as tears filled my eyes. Ray gave me a comforting pat on the shoulder, and left the kitchen.

            My toast popped then, but I no longer had an appetite. I yanked it out of the toaster and tossed it into the garbage.

 

{   -   -   -   }

 

            I spent my Saturday avoiding my mom by hiding away in my room. Around five in the afternoon, my phone began vibrating. I picked it up and saw that I had a text from Ray. It said to go downstairs because the pizza had arrived.

            I descended the winding staircase and walked into the kitchen, the smell of pizza filling the air. As soon as I stepped into the kitchen, I stopped dead in my tracks. Sitting at the island alone with a plate of pizza in front of him was Ethan"Ray’s friend.

            “Um, where’s Ray?” I asked, being completely rude.

            Ethan looked up at me and smiled, clearly undiscouraged. “Hey there, Heidi.”

            “Hi,” I said shortly.

            “Want me to grab you a slice?” he asked, gesturing to the box on the counter.

            “I can manage.” I walked over to the marble counter and grabbed a plate, tossing two pieces of pizza onto it. I turned around to face Ethan, leaning against the counter. “So, where’s Ray?”

            Ethan shrugged. “I think he said he was going to talk to your mom.”

            “Oh,” I said, turning to leave. As I began to walk away, Ethan spoke up again.

            “I’m Ethan, by the way.”

            I slowly turned to face him, taking a bite of my pizza as I did so. “I’m… Well you already know my name. Wait"how do you know my name?”

            He chuckled. “Ray,” was all he said.

            I nodded. Just as I was about to leave for the second time, Ethan patted the stool beside him, gesturing for me to sit. I hesitated for a minute, before slowly moving across the room to sit next to him. I set my plate down on the island and took another bite of pizza.

            “So, you’re a junior?” he asked, making conversation.

            I gulped down the chunk of pizza in my mouth, and said, “Yeah, I am. And you’re a… senior I’m guessing?”

            Ethan nodded.

            I smiled, and forced myself to look away from his startlingly handsome face. I had to admit"to myself at least"that he was extremely good-looking, even better up close.

            At that moment, Ray came into the kitchen and grabbed himself a plate of pizza. He scooted me off my stool so that he could sit beside Ethan. Instead of sitting down on the other side of Ray, though, I picked up my plate and left the room.

            I went into the living room and sat down on the sofa. I set my plate in my lap, but I didn’t turn on the TV. I just sat there, nibbling at my pizza, thinking.

            Brent was a jerk, and he dumped me. Dallas liked me, and I wasn’t even sure if I was capable of feeling that way about him. And then there was this new guy, Ethan. He was a mystery; and that was what scared me the most.

            I tried to push the fact that Ethan was sitting right in the other room out of my mind. I finished my pizza and left my plate on the coffee table, not wanting to go back into the kitchen.

            I raced up the stairs, taking them by twos, and ended up smacking face-first into Ethan. I tumbled backwards and landed hard on the floor. Ethan just stood there, an adorable crooked smile plastered on his face.

            He chuckled as he asked, “Are you okay? You were going pretty quickly there.”

            I didn’t look at him as I took his outstretched hand and he helped me up. Then I mumbled, “I’m fine.”

            “Are you sure?”

            I had to look up at the sincerity in his voice. I hadn’t realized how close he was to me, and our faces were nearly touching. His eyebrows were pulled together in concern, and his head was ducked so that he was looking me in the eyes.

            I took a step back and said, “Yeah. I’m good.” Then I escaped to my room.

            I heard Ethan chuckle again as he descended the stairs, and I silently closed my door. I sat down in my beanie bag chair and"unwillingly"began thinking about Ethan. He made me so nervous; that was just the effect he seemed to have on me. I didn’t understand why, but whenever he was near I felt a sense of danger, and I felt the need to escape his presence.

            Or, I was just being paranoid. Maybe I was subconsciously categorizing all guys that I didn’t know with Brent. Brent had been such an idiot; I just couldn’t imagine knowing another guy like him. He was a huge mistake. I obviously hadn’t seen that in the beginning though, because he was never like that before.

            But, I knew that all guys weren’t like him. I just couldn’t take the chance of meeting another Brent, and getting hurt again. Besides, something was telling me to stay away from Ethan. I didn’t know what it was, or why, but I was planning on obeying. Ethan seemed unsafe.

            I pulled out one of my old books and opened it to the first page, taking in the dusty book smell. I loved that smell. But before I could begin reading, there was a tap on my door and it opened, Ray popping his head in.

            “Want to watch a movie with Ethan and me?” he asked.

            “No. Reading.” I lifted my book into the air, justifying myself.

            Ray gave me a weird look. “You’ve read that book a billion times.”

            I shrugged. “So? I like it.”

            Ray stepped into my room and walked over to me. “What do you have against Ethan?”

            I looked up at him. “What? I don’t have anything against him. He seems… nice.”

            He snorted. “You’re a terrible liar. And I don’t know what you have against him, but I think he likes you. So come watch a movie with us, maybe get to know him a little, and I guarantee you’ll change your mind about him.”

            I shook my head. “That’s okay. I’m not really up for a movie right now.”

            Ray sighed. “Fine. But he’s a good guy, Heidi. I’m not asking you to date him or anything, just get to know him. He wouldn’t hurt you the way Brent did.” And with that, he left my room, forgetting to close the door behind him.

            I stood up to close my door, when I heard mumbling out in the hallway. I stayed behind the door as I strained to hear.

            “She won’t leave her room.” It was Ray speaking.

            The sound of feet shuffling, then, “Is it because of me?” It sounded like Ethan. “I feel like she doesn’t want me around. Did I do something to offend her?”

            “No, no,” Ray replied instantly. “It’s not you. She’s just… she’s a little depressed.”

            “Oh,” was all Ethan said. He didn’t pry. He didn’t ask why I would be depressed. I pursed my lips in thought.

            I heard more feet shuffling as they went back down the hallway to Ray’s room. I plopped back into my beanie bag chair and let out a frustrated growl. Why did this boy have to come along? Not to mention at the worst possible time. Nothing seemed to be going right for me lately.

 

{   -   -   -   }

 

            After getting changed into my pajamas and getting into bed, I discovered I was no where close to being tired. I lay in bed and stared into the darkness, seeing nothing. The glow of my digital clock caught my attention, and my eyes drifted over to it"11:52 pm. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed myself to go to sleep, but I couldn’t get Ethan out of my mind. The fact that he was just down the hallway from me had me up and alert. I knew sleep wouldn’t come for a while yet.

            I sighed and rolled over, slipping the covers off as I left my room and went into the living room. I turned on the TV, and lay down on the couch, getting comfy.

            Eventually, I drifted off into a deep sleep.