Nine

            The next two weeks went by quickly. Brent avoided me completely, thanks to Ethan. I spent most of my time with Dallas and Angela, like always, but I also talked to Ethan a lot. He offered to drive me home from school a few times, and we even ate lunch together in the library one day.

            I could feel myself opening up to Ethan, day by day, and there was no longer anything I could do to prevent it. I eventually realized that there was no reason to try and prevent becoming friends with Ethan. He wasn’t going to use me, he wasn’t going to turn against me one day and decide I was no longer worth his time�"he wasn’t Brent.

 

It was a Friday evening, and the sun was just fading. Ray was at some party, and my mom had herself locked away in her office again, doing who-knows-what. I could only hope that she wasn’t drinking. As this thought occurred, I decided that tomorrow, I would talk to Ray about my mom’s issues, and we would figure out some kind of solution. She couldn’t live like this anymore, and neither could we.

            I realized that I really didn’t want to spend a Friday night alone, in my huge house that always felt so empty.

            I grabbed the phone and called Angela. Her mom answered on the second ring.

            “Oh hi, Heidi!” she said, sounding perky as always.

            “Hi, Mrs. Hughes. Is Ang there?”

            “I’m sorry, honey, she’s not. Mr. Hughes took all the girls out for dinner and a movie. They wanted to give me some time alone to relax,” Mrs. Hughes explained happily. Angela had three younger sisters; Becca was twelve, Mae was ten and Ellie was four. They drove her insane, but she loved them nonetheless, and she looked out for them. Whenever Mrs. Hughes wasn’t around, Angela acted like a mother hen.

            After I hung up with Mrs. Hughes, I dialed Dallas’s number.

            “Hey, Heidi,” he answered.

            “Hey. What are you doing tonight?”

            “I’m going to work in half an hour. Why?” Dallas worked as a pizza delivery guy, and he always got the late shifts.

            I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice. “Oh. I was just wondering, because I was going to ask you to hangout tonight. But, I guess not.”

            “Aw, Heidi. I’m sorry. I would�"you know I would. I’m sorry I gotta work,” he said sincerely.

            “I know, I know. It’s okay, don’t worry about it. Just keep me posted on what your plans are for the rest of the weekend, ‘kay?”

            “Will do. I’ll talk to you soon.”

            “Alright, bye.”

            I flopped onto the couch, frustrated that everyone had a life besides me. I usually worked Friday nights, but one of the other bartenders switched a shift with me, so I was going to be working the Saturday night shift instead. That meant that I had to find some way to entertain myself for the night.

            I decided that I would see if Ethan was busy. Except, I didn’t have his number.

            I picked up the phone again and called Ray. I heard him pick up, but I couldn’t hear him say anything over the noise of the party. There was screaming and cheering, loud music and guys talking in the background.

            “Ray?” I said loudly into the phone.

            For a minute all I could hear was noise, then the sound of a door closing, and finally, silence.

            “Hey, Heidi. Sorry about the noise. This party is getting wild.” I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

            “It’s fine. I was just wondering, what’s Ethan’s number?”

            He was quiet for a few moments. “Why?”

            I sighed. I wished I didn’t always have to explain myself to Ray when it involved Ethan. Although, Ethan was his best friend, so I guess I understood. “Dallas and Angela are busy tonight, and I don’t want to be home right now. Mom is in her office and the house feels really lonely. I just want to see if he’s doing anything right now.”

            “Okay, I’ll give you his cell number,” Ray replied, and gave me Ethan’s number. I wrote it down and said goodbye.

            I took a deep breath, working up the guts, and dialed in the number Ray had given me.

            “Hello?” came a gruff and tired-sounding voice.

            “Ethan?” I asked, not recognizing the voice on the other end.

            He cleared his throat. “Yeah?”

            “Hey, it’s Heidi,” I said, not sounding as confident as I would’ve hoped.

            “Heidi?” he sounded surprised.

            “Yeah.”

            There was a pause. I was starting to regret calling him.

            “How did you get my number?” It didn’t sound accusing, or rude. He sounded simply curious.

            “Ray gave it to me. I’m sorry, is this a bad time?” I only asked because he seemed reluctant to talk to me.

            “No, no, no,” he replied quickly. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude. I’m just… not feeling very good.”

            “Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t have called.”

            “No, it’s okay Heidi. It’s fine, really.”

            More silence, and I was beginning to feel even more awkward.

            “So, why’d you call?” he asked.

            “Oh, right. I was just wondering if you had any plans tonight?” I answered, trying not to sound too hopeful.

            “Umm…” He hesitated, then finally he said, “No�"no plans. Why? Did you have something in mind?”

            I thought for a moment. I hadn’t really planned on where I wanted to go, I just wanted to see someone and get away from the house for the night. Then I got an idea.

            “Hmm, well since you brought me to the cliffs, I think it’s my turn to bring you somewhere,” I said, trying to sound mysterious.

            He laughed, but it sounded muffled. Then I heard him gasp, and groan loudly. He sounded like he was in pain. He began breathing heavily�"almost like he was panting�"and quickly said, “Meet me at the baseball field in an hour,” and the line cut off.

            I just stood in my living room, frozen. Whatever I’d just heard made absolutely no sense to me. First he was laughing, and then he began groaning and panting… Why had he sounded like he was in so much pain? And then he was talking so hurriedly, I barely caught what he’d said before he hung up. He better be prepared to answer some questions when I see him, I thought to myself.

            Forty-five minutes later, I went into the kitchen and grabbed an old picnic basket. I filled two portable coffee mugs with hot chocolate and stuck them into the basket, including a pack of marshmallows and a box of matches. Then I grabbed an old quilt, got into my jacket, pulled my mittens on and went out to my car.

            By the time I reached the baseball field, it was eight o’clock. I pulled into the parking lot and turned up the heat, preparing to wait for Ethan. I wasn’t even sure if he would show. His weird behavior made him seem unpredictable.

            I had been waiting for about five minutes when there was an urgent rap on the passenger window. I jumped, startled, and my heart had practically stopped. But it was only Ethan.

            I pressed the button to unlock the doors, and he hopped inside the car. I could instantly feel the heat radiating off him.

“You’re sweltering!” I exclaimed. “What were you doing?”

            He looked away for a second, then said, “Yeah, I was running. But I’m always really warm. Like I told you, I don’t get cold easily.”

            “Jeez, with you in the car, I don’t even need to have the heat on,” I said, laughing.

            He laughed too. “So where are we going?”

            “You’ll see,” I said, using the same words he’d used on me only two weeks before.

            He rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. I decided not to ask him what was going on while we were on the phone�"at least until we got to where we were going.

            After I parked the car, I grabbed the basket from the trunk and made Ethan carry the quilt. We walked across the grass and found the perfect spot against a tree. It had a great view of the entire lake, yet it wasn’t on the sand�"which was preferable.

            I set down the basket and Ethan laid out the blanket. We sat down and wrapped the blanket around ourselves to keep warm, but with Ethan beside me it wasn’t all that necessary, as he seemed to be warming me up without even touching me.

The pale white moon reflected off the lake and lit up our faces. I stared at Ethan for a minute, making sure he didn’t notice. He really was handsome�"especially in the glow of the moon. It illuminated his bright green eyes, giving him an almost wild look. It was scary, yet enthralling. I had to force myself to look away.

            “The New Gibbous,” I said, pointing at the moon. “Right before a Full Moon.”

            “Right you are,” Ethan replied, sounding unenthusiastic.

            Just then, I remembered the marshmallows. I jumped up and began gathering large rocks, bringing them back to the tree and forming them into a circle. Ethan caught on with what I was doing and started helping me. We grabbed twigs and a few pieces of crumpled up newspaper that had been sitting nearby.

            I got out the box of matches and lit one. I set the piece of newspaper on fire and dropped it into our little fire pit, letting it catch. I grabbed a long stick, preparing to use it as a spear for the marshmallows.

            We sat back down together and I pulled out the marshmallows and hot chocolate. Ethan sipped his hot chocolate gratefully and helped me slide marshmallows onto the stick.

            “So what happened to you earlier?” I asked. “On the phone.”

            “What do you mean?” he asked, and I could tell he knew what I was talking about.

            I gave him a look, then took a sip of my hot chocolate. “You know… We were talking and then you were like groaning�"sounded like you were in pain or something. And then you just hung up, so quickly.”

            “Oh, that.” He paused for quick second. “I wasn’t feeling good earlier, like I said.”

            “Well are you okay?” I asked, concerned.

            “Yeah, I’m fine now.” He stared into the blazing fire, and I watched as the flames bounced in the reflection of his eyes.

            When I looked back to the flames, my marshmallows were on fire. I yanked the stick out of the fire and began blowing on them, over and over, until the flames went out. Ethan was laughing at me.

            “Yeah, yeah.” I gave him a dirty look, which only made him laugh harder. I decided to ignore him and began sucking the burnt shell off my sticky marshmallow.

            We sat in comfortable silence, sharing the burnt marshmallows and sipping our hot chocolate.

            Eventually, he broke the silence by asking, “What are you thinking right now?”

            “I’m thinking that this is really nice, and�"” I hesitated for a minute. “�"and I never did anything like this, ever, with Brent.”

            “Well, then… I feel special,” he said, smiling at me.

I felt my stomach flip in reaction to his adorable smile. And�"butterflies. I had butterflies. What am I, ten? I thought to myself. He’s just a guy! What am I getting all worked up over?! Could it have been is amazing smile? Maybe his gentle eyes that somehow managed to seem fierce at the same time? They brighten whenever he smiles at me. I could feel myself melting inside.  There was this war going on inside me, and I was not happy about it.

Again, I tore my eyes away from his face. “What are you thinking about?”

            “Oh, you know. I guess just about how much time we’ve been spending together and how I really like you. I’m glad you’re Ray’s sister.”

            I felt the heat rise to my face, and I hoped he wouldn’t notice I was blushing. “Yeah, he’s a good guy,” I agreed, trying to get off the topic of… well, me.

            “He’s my best friend,” Ethan said admiringly. “He’s like the brother I never had.”

            I smiled at his sweet words. He’s nothing like Brent, I told myself for the hundredth time. Brent didn’t display emotions the way Ethan did�"I wasn’t even sure if Brent was capable of having those emotions. He was as cold as a lifeless soul.

            “You’re an only child?” I asked.

            He nodded. “Yep. And since my parents are divorced and I live with my dad, things get pretty lonely at home.” I realized that this was the first personal thing he’d told me about himself, and I felt it a great accomplishment�"one I guessed very few people could say they’d achieved.

            “I know how you feel. With Ray never home and my mom always working…”

            Ethan stared into my eyes and spoke softly. “Yeah, Ray told me about your dad. That must’ve been really hard on you. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

            “Thanks,” I whispered, not able to look away from his intense gaze�"which had distracted me so much, it’d hardly fazed me that we were talking about my dad.

            Our faces were so close; I could feel his sweet-smelling breath on my lips. I stared deep into his eyes and felt something in me fall away�"my unwillingness? My doubt? My defenses? I didn’t know, but I knew then that something was different between us.

            Just as I was sure he was leaning in to kiss me, he turned his head and leaned back against the tree. He squeezed his eyes shut and began taking long, deep breaths�"just like he had on the phone.

            “Ethan?” I said, worry streaking my voice. “Are you alright?”

            “Just give me a sec,” he got out, but it sounded like it took a lot of effort.

            I tried to think of what to do as I just sat there, leaning into him with my hand on his arm.

            “Here, come with me,” I offered, slowly helping him up. I led him to the water’s edge and splashed his face with the ice cold water. I watched his body shudder as a chill rolled through him.

            “Better?” I asked hopefully.

            He took in one last deep breath, and a relieved smile showed on his face. “Better. Thank you, Heidi.”

            I led him back to the blanket and we sat down again. I carefully touched the blanket to his face, wiping it dry. His eyes closed at the gentle touch. I stopped for a moment, stunned by how serene and peaceful his face seemed. I was tempted to touch my lips to his, to see what his reaction would be�"to see what mine would be. But I resisted, and leaned back against the tree.

            “Are you okay, Ethan? You don’t seem well.”

            “I should be fine by tomorrow. I’m just having these… on and off moments.”

            Just then, Ethan reached out and put his arm around me. I was shocked at first, but discovered it was comforting. It was the way he pulled me close to him�"not just resting his arm over my shoulders like he owned me, but actually wrapping his arm around me and letting me lean into him. I didn’t know what it meant�"to him or to me. All I knew was that I liked it. And I didn’t want the night to end.