You Said You Had My Back

I guess this is set about 20 years in the future. I wasn't really planning on that originally, but it makes more sense for what the story became.

"I'm not crazy!"

     The shrill scream echoed through the cold, metallic-feeling room. The only other sounds were water dripping from the high ceiling and an occasional chainsaw buzz.

     A sudden chill shook my body. I curled up into as much of a ball as I could without making the bruises covering my body hurt as another cold draft slithered through a vent that I couldn't see. I couldn't see anything, except my own body. It was so dark....

     What will they do to me? I thought as I heard another chainsaw. After the sound had faded and then stopped, it was eerily quiet. I fought the urge to vomit that was creeping up my throat. They probably just killed Russell. Now I have no hope of surviving. They want to know where we hid the drugs. I can't tell them that, since we never dealt with any drugs! I wanted to scream it, but that wouldn't stop them from killing me. Oh, God, Tyrell was right. We never should've gotten mixed up in that business Too late now.

     A man, or a creature that somewhat resembled a man appeared in the room. He walked in through a door that was hidden in the wall. Maybe if I noticed it sooner I could've gotten away. No, it probably led to some sort of killing-room. I'd just be dead sooner. 

     The man, wearing a suit that was a little bit sleeker than a spacesuit, grabbed my arm with crushing force. He pulled me to my feet. I could barely stand. The restraints were tight around my ankles, and I doubted that I could walk. There were also restraints around my wrists, and it was impossible to balance. 

"You gonna take off the restraints?!" I said in a surprisingly raspy voice.

     The man grunted, sounding like a dog, and started to remove the cold metal restraints from my ankles, then from my wrists. I shook my arms and legs a little bit, trying to get rid of the stiffness that came from sitting on a cement floor for three days. I was almost getting used to  it. It wasn't too bad when I thought about it. I had lots of privacy, and it was better than dying.

    Grabbing my arm once more, the man opened the hidden door. We were in a narrow hallway, illuminated by dim orbs hanging from the ceiling. There were no doors or passages on the sides of the hall. All I could see was a group of other men, with the same 'spacesuits' on, gathered at the end of the hallway. I could feel the panic seizing my mind and body as I realized that these were the men that were going to kill me. My mind raced, trying to think of a solution. Maybe the man leading me down this extremely long hallway had a kind heart. It was worth a shot to try to explain my situation to him.

"Listen, I know it's not your job, but can you please listen to me? Please. You don't have to agree with me, just listen. Somebody needs to know my story before I die. I don't wan-"

"Talk."

"Well, my friend, Russell, I think he just died here, like I'm about to. But anyways, he was the leader in all of this. He decided to ask a favor of those guys, then WE got framed for the drug thing. We never dealt with any drugs, just some money. Not even that much, and it wasn't even illegal. Please, don't kill me. Just, maybe, put me in jail for a little while. I didn't do that much wrong. We were framed. Please understand." 

     I realized that what I said probably didn't make much sense, but it was all that I had time for. We were about 60 yards from the men at the end of the hallway. They were looking at me. They looked hungry. I had to look away. I turned my head to the side so I could see the reaction of the man leading me. He still hadn't said anything, His face was blank, with no emotion, and no sign of what he was going to do next.

"Follow me, quick!" 

     I stood motionless in shock for a few moments, then ran through a doorway that the man just opened. How many hidden doorways were in this place? 

"Where are we?" I asked, looking around at the large, warm room with wooden walls. 

"I don't know. But what matters is that we're not at the end of that hallway."

"Won't they come after us? They saw us leave."

"We can fight them off, for awhile. I know my way around here."

     The man began to take off his spacesuit. Underneath it was a belt holding at least 10 different powerful-looking guns and weapons. He took one of them off, which looked like a laser gun. He tossed the suit and the belt with the rest of the weapons into a corner.

"Should I take a weapon, too?"

"No. It'll slow us down. I'm already trained. I can protect us."

     The man took off the silver helmet that all of the other men had been wearing. Inside, there was a microphone. He ripped the wire out of it. Then, he cracked the helmet opened on the wall, separating it into two layers. In between the layers was a small rectangle of wires and metal. He removed it and stomped on it.

"GPS. If I left it in, they'd know where we were hiding and they'd be here already.", he said, just as I was about to ask what the rectangle was.

     For the first time I looked at the man's face. He had a scraggly dark brown beard, and a few wrinkles. He looked very father-like. He was probably old enough to be my father, about 60 years old. I felt like I already knew him very well, but something was missing.

"What's your name?" I asked shyly.

     He sighed and turned to face me slowly. "It's better you don't know. I'll probably be dead by morning, and we shouldn't get attached to each other. I'm the man that's trying to save your life. That's who I am."

"Thank you. So much. You don't even know how thankful I am." I said, thinking of the possibility of returning home to my family. Not my friends, though. Most of them were dead now.

"Let's get going. We have to move fast." 

     I followed him out of another hidden door, opposite from the one we entered through. 

     We were outside. There was still lots of cement and metal, and there wasn't a plant in sight, but we were out of that horrible building. It was that easy. This won't be easy, I reminded myself.

"C'mon!", the man that was trying to save my life shouted. He kept looking over his shoulder nervously. 

     I ran to catch up with him. The cement floor was uneven, and I almost tripped. The adrenaline coursing through my veins helped me keep my balance and stamina. We were walking so fast that we were basically running. 

     The landscape was barren. We hurried past intimidating metal fences and towering cement barriers. Everything was grey, even the sky. 

     Suddenly, I heard footsteps behind me. I didn't want to turn around. They can just kill me. I don't want to see them.

     Nothing happened for a few minutes. No gunshots, no yelling. I built up the courage to turn around. 

"What are you doing?", the man yelled. "RUN!" 

     I started running and turning around at the same time. I felt like my heart stopped beating as I saw three men with their spacesuits on, pointing huge guns at us. My heart will stop beating soon enough. 

     I looked straight ahead and ran faster than I ever had. I saw the man running in front of me. Then, the worst thing I had ever witnessed in my life happened, two feet in front of me. A bullet ripped through the man's back. His body twisted and fell into a terrible lump. His face was pulled into a grimace, then he was still. I hesitated, then kept running.

     Hot pain spread through my upper back. I felt heavy blood pouring out of the wound. This is it, I thought. I'm dead. I collapsed, face-first onto the cool, hard ground. My eyes were closed, but I saw a bright orb of light, getting closer and closer. Heaven.

    I heard hurried footsteps near my head. The men who killed me. I wondered if they felt guilty at all. Then I felt the life slip away from me. I was gone.

Author's Note

I just realized I wrote this is past tense, which doesn't really make sense, but it's how I usually write. Is anything confusing? The main character is male, NOT female. Some reviewers were saying 'her' and 'she', and I guess I should have cleared that up earlier.

Reviews

[M.A. Van Dyke]

"I'd just be dead sooner." Maybe I shouldn't have but I laughed at that sentence. I liked this story, it was serious, heartfelt and made me want to pay attention. I think, though, that it is little touches like the line I laughed at that really bring a story together, give it 'oomph', you've got that oomph!

[Veronica]

Awesome story, but I just can't believe how they both had died. Kinda sad, but I guess someone had to die in this....100/100!

[Gracie]

Creative story, very powerful. I don't think there was anything in this story I didn't like, you connected with your character, showing her emotions in such short time.

[Coyote Poetry]

You create a powerful short story. You put so much in so few words. From the chains being set free to the possibility of escape was written with great skill. I like the ending. I like the feel and emotion you create with your words. A outstanding story.
Coyote

[Kirbetsy]

Tyrell IS a funny name!!! I agree very much with Shayna on that. 3% that must be really frustrating.

[klp4]

A good story, random, but good. But it is slightly confusing how it jumps straight from him being expressionless to the saving her part.

[Ruth]

I like this a lot:) Beautiful actually!
An interesting topic to write about too hon, executed wonderfully!
xx

[Rosalyn Marie]

i like it :) if the main character didnt die at the end then this would be a cool like escape/ on the run story. sort of like maximum ride :) would you consider doing a follow up or making this into a longer book and set it from heaven or wherever you choose? that would be really cool :) this part could be a sort of epilouge...

[eighwoeifj]

Wasn't confusing at all. Nice story. Glad to read something other than romance that the girls in school always read. And it's nice to know my friends have imagination(: 100/100

[Alex Thomas]

I like it a lot. It has an interesting vibe about it. I think you mean "doubted" Other than that, a really interesting piece.