Out in the Open

Out in the Open

A Chapter by Victor Cartel

Just a list of all my flaws as a person, and how I'd like to fix them in the end

"Out in the Open"
by Ashira Cartel
Dedicated to the people of my past, be they in my present or in my future as well

A list of flaws, faults, and wrongs,
by myself, of myself, for me to look back on:

I am a bit vain, and just coming to terms with that,
since just under a year ago I had a spat
with someone in the lunch line who wouldn't shut up
about how amazing he was - so big, strong, and buff.
I called him "egotistical" and scoffed him off...
turns out I was just denying how, I myself, acted a lot.
So though I'm not conceited, I sure act like I am,
and if someone says I'm not it is definitely a sham.

On top of that I'm prone to making mistakes,
and sure everyone makes mistakes!
The way I'm different is that I learn from others,
but it's me by myself I just act like a mother.
"What I say is best, and what I say goes,
because Mommy doesn't make mistakes - no, no, no!"
I really hate this about myself, I really, really do,
but it's something I can't seem to shake off...poo.

I'm misanthropic at worst, angst-y at best,
but overall I put everyone to the test.
I'm overly analytical, and I think things through too much.
I really need to stop thinking as such.
It makes me come across negative, and at worst I seem pathetic
And "life getting to me" and "depression" or "it's just too hectic"
isn't a reason, it's an excuse, that I've got to stop using,
or at the very least I've got to stop abusing.

I like to hear myself talk, but that comes with being vain.
So I'll attempt to close my mouth with little disdain.
And to top it off, I'll even admit defeat, when I'm wrong, and my pain.

"History repeats itself" - not this time!
I'll fall, get back up, and try once again 'til I die.
I won't let my past become my future,
since "over and over" isn't always in good nature.

On top of that, I'll leave the past behind, though I won't forget it,
I'll just leave it alone rather than get caught up in it.

There's certainly more mistakes I've made, that there's more to be said and done,
but I'm going to start with small steps, one by one by one.

© 2012 Victor Cartel

Author's Note

Victor Cartel
...but if I had to choose who was me in the photo, it'd definitely be Fluffy >.> Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged! :D

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Added on June 6, 2012
Last Updated on June 6, 2012
Tags: poetry, monologue, list


Victor Cartel
Victor Cartel

Westminster, CO

Check the about me page on my website, Ashira's Notebook, for an extensive survey about myself. more..

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