Reunion

Bestfriends find themselves working together again.

Wind howled across the desolate street. The few leaves that remained on the ground from falls descent were quick to blow else ware. None of the homes standing showed any signs of habitants. They had all fled or had been taken.

 

A shadow of a lone figure kissed the darkened pavement. Etched out by the sole working street lamp above. The figure was short and slim, perhaps five foot five at most. As the wind buffeted and kicked at the shroud of the full length duster, the gleam of a sword could be seen at the figures hip. It’s scabbard a short pull through made of black leather. Black, the same color as the rest of the person’s clothing.

 

Ash looked down as her black leather boot squished upon the remains of an oak leaf. Her eyes came up and flicked right. She felt the whoosh of moving air a split second before the hissing scream. Her duster slid open with fluid precision as her motion carried her around.  The sword unsheathing and slicing the air as the demon dove from the shadows of the closest abandoned homes.

 

She stood motionless, her arm out stretched, blade glistening with the blood of a demon spawned imp. She heard the small fiend tumble onto the ground a few yards away. Spinning on the tow of her boot, she turned toward the fallen imp. Casually, she moved with even steps to where it lay. As she walked, she brought the bloodied sword smoothly across the palm of her sparkling black glove. The blood of the imp hissed and vanished from the metal. The blade was back at her hip as Ash’s boots came to stop a foot away from the dying demon.

 

Ash looked down. The imp’s breathing ragged and weak. It’s lower torso completely missing and it’s entrails wiggled and sloshed onto the pavement. It’s eyes quivered as it saw the girl standing over him.

 

"I’m not very good eat’n." Ash spoke simply, before she turned and began walking down the deserted lane. She heard the imps last out pour of breath and watched shadows dance across the empty houses as Hell fire reclaimed the corpse. She walked calmly through the next several blocks, then stopped and looked north up the on ramp to the old freeway. It’s concrete cracked and broken with the passage of time.

 

Ash didn’t like this town. To her it was boring. Columbus, Ohio had been one of the first to be ravaged by the Dark Lords minions. Most of the inhabitants had been taken or slaughtered within the first few days of the attack. The demons had then moved on to better hunting grounds. Yet, the Guild had wanted it patrolled. Ash had been the hunter they chose to use.

 

Moving again the young Hunter slipped quietly around the concrete pylons that held up the old interstate. She saw the blur of motion in the corner of her eye. In a blur, Ash’s sword slipped free of it’s sheath and came around.

 

A loud ring of metal on metal echoed into the silence of the night. Ash’s sword now touching a matching sword being held by a petite girl, dressed similarly, another Hunter. Their eyes glared at each other for a moment. A second later both quickly re-sheathed their swords and grinned at each other.

 

Ash let out a quiet laugh as she gave the shorter girl a warm embrace.

 

"Hey! Knock it off with the cuddly stuff." The shorter girl quipped, slipping free from the embrace. "You know I hate that."

 

"Oh whatever Angel! Besides, I haven’t seen you in months!" Ash smiled. "I thought the Guild had you hunting the Graylings up in Detroit."

 

Angel shrugged off handedly and grinned. "Well, they did. But the Graylings didn’t want to come out and play. If you know what I mean." The dark laughter from the second hunter drifted through the streets. Angel glanced around the block a few times then stepped close the Ash, letting her hand take a light hold of her upper arm. "Ash.. Do you smell that?"

 

Both girls sniffed the air and Ash replied, "Darkats!"

 

"Come on. Let’s get going. Maybe we can get a few before the sun rises." Angel’s eyes brightening with enthusiasm of a challenge.

 

"Ok, let’s go." Ash nodded.

 

Angel and Ash sprinted almost silently, heading west, following the scent of the large cat like demons. While Ash was the taller of the two and had longer strides, Angel was a faster runner. Together they knew that they were a good match in speed. While they ran, Ash realized she had missed the almost chaotic nature of her best friend. She was glad they were together again.

 

The two demon hunters came to a crouch behind the burnt out wreckage of an old school bus. Careful not to step on the shards of broken bones at their feet, remains of whom ever had been riding on the bus, Angel and Ash peered through the twisted and heat damaged metal.

 

"Four of them!" Angel whispered excitedly.

 

"We’re going to need to break them apart. We can’t handle all four at once."

 

"Why not?" Angel gave a low chuckle while glancing back at Ash.

 

Before Ash could respond, Angel slipped around her and began almost casually walking towards the Darkats. She could see Angels eyes gleaming as much as the razor sharp claws of the Demons gleamed in the moonlight.

 

Ash sighed and followed, "Hey. Wait for me."

 

Angel giggled. "Wuss!"

 

Ash cracked a smile, "B***h!"

 

Both hunters laughed. Then unsheathing their swords, they sprinted towards where the Darkats were clawing open the graves of the local cemetery and eating the rotted flesh.

 

"Let the dance of death begin!" Angel shouted with an eager laugh with Ash right behind her.

Reviews

[Rory CJ Frankson]

Very discriptive and the dialog was delicious ;) You have a really good start on this book and the setting is leaving us wanting more, good leads to the reader to be a page turner. The banter between your characters I really liked and Heroes, should always have well thought out one liners. Look forward to you futher chapters Ash. Write On / Right On!
Romon in Review... Good writing! Peace

[HorrorMaster]

nice chapter so far

[Radad Ibn Nasir]

This has a great deal of potential. I will not critique but i will pay attention as the story comes along, which is saying more then I need!! great work so far!

[The Analog Kid]

The prose is pretty decent. Focus more on the friendship between the two. Also, I agree with Jacoby on a few points.

[Jacoby de Alton]

Paragraph One-

"[...] else ware [...]" needs to be changed to 'elsewhere'.

"They had all fled or had been taken." Not really an error, but it just sounds simple to me, perhaps the second had could be removed as with 'They had all fled, or were taken."

Paragraph Two-

"A shadow of a lone figure kissed the darkened pavement." The "A" should be 'The', and the use of kissed just detracts from the brewing of a dark scene. If I were to suggest anything, it would be "The shadow of a lone figure was sprawled across the darkened pavement."

"Etched out by the sole working street lamp above." Sentence fragment. In conjunction with the prior sentence I say it could be formed as such: 'Etched out by the sole working street lamp above, The shadow of a lone figure was sprawled across the darkened pavement.'

"It’s scabbard [...]" "It's" should be changed to 'Its", It's is It is, Its is a sign of possession.

"Black, the same color as the rest of the person’s clothing." This seems a little pointless, it could have easily stated before that the person's clothing was black, perhaps when talking about the duster rather than the sword.

Paragraph Three-

"Ash looked down as her black leather boot squished upon [...]" Firstly, the restatement of her black clothes, coat, boots, etc is unneeded. Secondly, "squished" is another word which detracts from the grim mood being set thus far.

"Her duster slid open with fluid precision as her motion carried her around. The sword unsheathing and slicing the air as the demon dove from the shadows of the closest abandoned homes." These seem like they can be compiled into a neater format, such as: 'Her duster whipped open, her hand grasping the sword and drawing it with ease through a daemon as it dove from the nearest abandoned home.'

Paragraph Four-

"[...] demon spawned imp." As an imp is a demon, saying it was spawned by demons seems a little unneeded. Or perhaps you were meaning to refer to it as a sub-class of demons as a whole, in which case it would be demon-spawn.

"Spinning on the tow [...]" Toe.

"Casually, she moved with even steps to where it lay. As she walked, she brought the bloodied sword smoothly across the palm of her sparkling black glove." Once again, sentences which could be spliced together to better the flow of reading. In favor of saving time however, I won't make direct suggestions.

"The blade was back at her hip as Ash’s boots came to stop a foot away from the dying demon." This could be reworded a bit, such as: 'Ash returned the blade to her hip [...]'.

Paragraph Five-

"Ash looked down. The imp’s breathing ragged and weak." The start of this could be spliced as an opening interjection.

As to the wounds inflicted on it, being sliced in half and all, perhaps the imp could be doing a little more than breathing ragged and weak...

Paragraph Six-

"She heard the imps last out pour of breath [...}" This could use a bit more like "[...] the imps final wretched gasp [...]"

"It’s concrete cracked and broken with the passage of time." Its, not It's.

Paragraph Seven-

"Ash didn’t like this town. To her it was boring." This needs to be fused, it seems a little unbalanced, since it could be said that she didn't like it because it bored her. And after that, it seems a little odd that the character would call the first fallen cities boring.

"Most of the inhabitants had been taken or slaughtered within the first few days of the attack." As a parallel to this was made in the first paragraph, it needs to be phrased differently here.

"Ash had been the hunter they chose to use." This seems a little simple, it could be tied into the previous sentence or done away with altogether as the former one implies that she was directed to the city.

Paragraph Eight-

"[...] again the young Hunter [...]" In this paragraph Hunter is capital, giving it a proper noun meaning, but in paragraph seven, it isn't.

Paragraph Nine-

"Ash’s sword now touching a matching sword" This is a little clumsy, it could be refined by calling it a sword-lock.

"Their eyes glared at each other for a moment. A second later both quickly re-sheathed their swords and grinned at each other." Another clumsy pairing of sentences which would work better fused into one.

However friendly two people may be, it seems a little odd to just wait around in the middle of a street in a demon infested hell-hole to chat.

Paragraph Seventeen-

"[...] sprinted almost silently [...] Honestly, with all the power you've granted your characters, running silently shouldn't be that much of a stretch. And if you really want the noise, use one word rather than almost.

Overall- I can't say that I enjoy the story, but that's just me. It reminds me of too many bad animes with cute schoolgirls who laugh as they rip some poor bloke apart. Still, my personal issues aside, it was better written than some stories I have read, A 70% is if anything.

[Nothing Personal]

As the name of your title suggests, it seems that the book would be on values of friendship & comradeship between the two protagonists. The description of post apocalyptic world could have been more elaborate but it has been pretty good otherwise. I sense an inspiration from the Harry Potter books to a slight degree but it looks like this could be a very nice fantasy adventure. The last dialogue was catchy and almost screen material. Good job there ! Overall it is a pretty good start. Will be looking out how it goes

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good chapter. The story was strong. I like battle and the ending. Last line is very good.
"Let the dance of death begin!" Angel shouted with an eager laugh with Ash right behind her"
In battle best not to fear death. Best to face her without fear. A very strong chapter.
Coyote

[Ashley.M.E]

I really like it. I didn't know the personalities were so, so easy to tell. Your detail is amazing and I love the way you write.