Chapter 3: Online/Long Distance Relationships

I might be adding more later-

Are you ready for a Long Distance Relationship?
Is a Long Distance Relationship, right for you?
Let's find it...

So, is it possible to find someone online and have a successful relationship with them? Yes.
But, it can be a painstaking trail of mistake and error until the right one.

In this, we are going to discuss different types of Relationships.

 Mainly long distance and online dating.

So, you get on your preferred online dating site and wait. Looking for someone in your area who is attractive, has a nice head on their shoulders, and is single (or not, no judgment here). Maybe days, weeks, months, and years later you find someone who matches your ideal dream person. But, there is a catch. They live nowhere near you. Disappointment sets in. But you figure, hey we could still be friends. Right? Time goes on and you find there is an even bigger connection there with them. Things seem perfect BUT you haven’t actually met this person; in person. 

And you are thinking about asking them out or the other way around. You need to slow down a little. And here is why.

Advice Part 1 �" BEFORE even jumping into a relationship title with someone, ask if they have any other social profiles and if it would be a problem if they added you (Facebook, Myspace, YouTube, Twitter, etc.), including other dating sites. Once you and him or her are together, neither of you are going to need a dating site, so ask if once things are official between the two of you, if it would be okay to delete the dating site accounts. This, in reality, really shouldn't be a problem. At this point, the dating site shouldn't be y’all only form of communication.

If they claim not to have a personal social site, I personally, wouldn’t bother seeking a relationship with that person. Sure, some people aren’t into the whole, “Social Sites” but, you are trying to find out things about them. Family, friends, etc. It’s not like you are going to start messaging their family or friends and asking them questions, but lord help you if it turns out you’ve been maxing on your distance cousin or something. To me, not having a personal social site for friends and family, says, “I’m just looking for a good time, nothing personal”, and if that isn’t your thing, I think you can do better.

Even if you get on webcam with them, every single day, that doesn’t excuse them not having a back ground. More so, when you are looking to extend the relationship into something more. So, just make sure you can find some if any information on them. Search their username, you’d be surprised how many people use the same username for different websites and even do a search on the email they provided you. Keep a clear head on your shoulders. And don’t ask for anything you aren’t willing to give yourself. [END]

So, you find some information on them, they’ve added you to their social sites and for the most part they seem like a really dissent person. The connection is getting stronger but like a thick fog, some concerns are starting to cloud your mind. You’ve got some common fears going on in your head. You don’t want to get hurt, you’re not looking for games, how can you trust this person?

Advice Part 2 �" When you are dating someone, you are putting yourself out there. You hope and pray you can trust them to be faithful to you. But, before you make things official, again, ask yourself, “Can I trust him/her?”. Don’t just say, “Of course I can” based off their personality and promises and then proceed to getting in deep with them. I mean, seriously, stop and think about it. 

Are you the jealous type? 

Do you need to know where they are at all times?

Do you need them to call you every now and again just to check in?

Are you worried about who their hanging out with?

If you can’t get a hold of them, do you get upset or panic easily?

These are some pretty basic questions to ask yourself before jumping into a long distant relationship. If you answered yes to any of this questions, I would NOT recommend you get into a long distance relationship. Because, while at first, your possible partner might think it’s cute, but, that is going to sour quickly. Then you will get annoying and if they are smart, they’ll drop you like it’s hot. More so, that is just stressful! Having that cloud in the back of your mind, the big “WHAT IF?”! Again, don’t ask for something, you aren’t willing to give back. [END]

Q: What if I am the really (or just slightly) jealous type, and I still want to be in a relationship with them, what would you recommend?

A: If you REALLY like someone so much, that you are willing to put them through the pain of having to deal with you when you are angry at them for your over controlling jealously, be my guest. But, don’t be surprised when they start doing it to you and then you get mad at them for being all crazy jealous. If you know you are crazy jealous, just stick to being friends with the person and start looking strictly for someone close to home. Explain this to them so at least there are no hard feelings.

Okay, so, you’ve done your homework on the person and you like what you’ve seen, you’re not super crazy jealous, and there is trust. Great, NOW, consider your place in their future. What are they doing for a career, are they in school, are they living at home with their parents, what are their wants and needs, etc.?

How much time are they going to have for you?

Advice Part 3 - This, in reality, is not a selfish question to ask. It’s only fair that they give you back the time you are putting in for the relationship. Communication and Schedule. If there is not a good balance between the two, you’ve got to ask yourself, “Is this just a physical attraction?” “What am I really looking for here?” It’s long distant, why should looks matter? It’s not like you are going to be touching and feeling on them in the next five minutes. In a long distant relationship, communication is key. Schedules, might not always meet up, but it’s not a relationship if you are only talking to one another once a week.

 

That is a sad connection that just tells me that you are just looking for attention from someone, anyone. If in a span of six months, the communication starts to die down, because of you or your partner being busy, that is okay. Just make the conversations worth something. Because there isn’t a physical connection there, an emotional one will be weaker. BUT you can always make it stronger by staying in close conversation. Do you have the time for someone else? Can you afford a phone or internet bill? [END]

REVIEW TIME!!

1. Are you ready for a LDR?
- Like any relationship it's not going to be an easy walk in the park. There are going to be problems, trust issues, arguments, etc. But if you stay strong, it can all be worth it. The goal in mind is to one day meet up and spend your life together.

2. Are you crazy jealous?
- LDR's may not be for you... Heaven forbid you can't get a hold of them and you start to freak out, wondering if they are okay. Only to find out that they were busy doing something and that was the reason they couldn't pick up the phone.

3. Do you have the time to be in a LDR?
- This is going to be like having a second job. Not just for you but for them. If you aren't the talkative type, LDR might not be the right type of relationship for you. Because, a LDR survives off communication.

4. Do you really know the person?
- If you are going to do this, you need to make sure you really know the other person. Life story- all of it. Because inviting them back to your place of even heading over there could be your last. Or heaven forbid everything they told you turns out to be a lie.

5. What are their/your future plans?
- Don't be a dummy. If they are talking about collage life- and how they have some huge ideas in mind, ask yourself, "where do you fit in to all that?" because down the road, it's only going to get harder. And if you are able to pull out in the beginning, why not? If you don't think you can handle it, don't bother.

What do you need to have a successful LDR?

Webcam - http://www.walmart.com/ip/V7-Vantage-Webcam-300-with-Built-In-Microphone/16419432
Mic - http://www.walmart.com/ip/V7-Stereo-Headset-Black/20434683
Programs - http://www.skype.com/en/
Land Line - I'd suggest a cheap land line.
And of course, BE YOURSELF!

How to know if you are being scammed??

1. They don't want to share any pictures with you OR They only have one picture of them and don't upload anymore.
2. They are SUPER good looking but refuse to get on webcam with you OR Keep making excuses to why they can't get on Webcam with you.
3. They keep changing their story OR There is ALWAYS something wrong with them as to why they can't get on the phone with you.

NEVER SEND THEM MONEY.

NEVER ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVES UNTIL YOU CAN CONFIRM THEY ARE OF CONSENT AGE.