Chapter 4: Dating as a Single Parent

You're a parent; you've got two options, single or taken.
This is for single parents looking to get back out in the dating life.
Advice. But more common sense than anything.

So, you're a parent. Your baby is still living at home, he or she is under the age of 10, and I'm going to assume you are a younger parent, say early 20s, to mid 30s. Things, didn't work out with the child's other parent. Which, is okay. Things happen. Some times you see the train coming at you, other times the train hits you while you've got your back turned. Maybe, it's your fault, maybe not. Just remember to stay CIVIL with your child(rens) other parent(s). Even if it's their fault to the reason you and them split. Your child is listening and watching from the moment he or she is born, they are going to see how you act and put it toward life. Your actions, have an effect now. If it's your fault, you and them split, that is even more reason to remain civil with them. Don't take their baby away from them too. Make it as easy as possible for the other person and in return, they will (hopefully) try to do the same. Let's jump straight into this.

Q: When is a good time to jump back into dating after having a kid?

A: Honestly, get you're life together first. Don't assume because you have a kid, that you NEED to get with someone. Don't tell yourself, "My child needs a "Male" or "Female""role model in their life", as an excuse to go out and start dating. Because the more people you bring around your child(ren), the more confused they are going to be with all these different strangers around them. You can love that kid, enough for two parents, if you are having troubles affording child care, two words, "Child Support". And please, use that money to take care of your kid, not your personal habits. If you want to avoid all that legal stuff, set up a joint bank account so he or she can deposit money into for y'alls kid. Ask for receipt copies, and be ready to give them. Even if things didn't work out between the two of you, don't be uncivil toward one another. No matter what you might think, you are both hurting. Because you might NEVER know who you are really dating, I'd wait until your kid is at least five years of age before introducing them to one another.

Q: What do you mean by, "Get my life together?"

A: I mean, if you are living at home with your parents, no car, no job, and no future plans, in my book, you've already royally screwed up as a parent. You are basically a kid yourself, and you went out and had a baby? What the serious f**k is wrong with you? Be the parent, you wanted your parents to be. But, lets look at the positives for a second, you're living at home with your parents, you've got baby sitters to watch your kids while you go out and work. WORK. Not party with your friends. You're a parent, time to start acting like it. In life, you should always be NUMBER 1, when you have a kid, you should always become NUMBER 2. Their life, their well being, their happiness, should out weight your needs. Getting a job, even a part time, flipping burgers, pushing carts, cashiering, bagging, is better than no job. And the money you make, can be used for making y'alls life better. If you have a kid and then things happen where you lose your job, your place, etc, you can always bounce back and there is no shame in moving back in with your parents to make that happen. But- it's being supported by your parents without any ambition to actually start taking care of yourself or your kid that really bothers me.

If you are reading this and are thinking, "F**k that, I'm going to do what I want, my parents are FREE baby sitters while I go out and get trashed", Get the f**k off my blog you piece of trash. I hope that kid gets taken away from you and you aren't allowed to see him or her ever again. If you can't afford to take care of yourself, don't try to bring another person into this world to starve while you live off other people.

Q: What should I look for in a partner?

A: Someone who is kind, and interested in being a parent. Of course, dropping that, "Hey, are you going to be a good parent to my kid" bomb, on the first date, might not go so well. But, let that person know on the first date that, you're a parent, and that your kid(s) mean the world to you. Your kid(s) will come first in every situation. And one day, not today, if everything works out well between the two of you, they might get the chance to meet your baby and they better make sure they are ready for that. If you go into dating without thinking about, "Will this person make a good parent for my kid", you might not be a very good parent yourself. If they have no interest in kids, they are not the right person. Don't fool yourself into thinking, "They are going to take care of your kid with LOVE and COMPASSION because they are with you" , no, they didn't want kids for a reason, remember that. Don't fool someone into thinking, they can have you without the responsibility of being a parent.

Q: You made a comment in a answer above, "I'd wait until your kid is at least five years of age before introducing them to one another", WHY?

A: Because there are some sick people in this world. Don't lie to yourself and say, "That would never happen to my kid", because you'd be surprised how many times it happens and how often it goes unnoticed because the kid was too young to understand what is happening. At five, your kid should be talking and understanding when someone is doing something that isn't right to them. You can ask your kid, "What Happened?!" and they should be able to give you a good enough answer to understand. And you might be thinking, "What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you even assume someone would do something like that to a kid?", Because, I was a sexually abused victim at a very young age by a family member. I've become fearful of letting people watch my kid, family and friends alike. And the last thing I'd ever wish on anyone, is to have something like that happen to their kid. There are ways to avoid this from happening to your kid, and the first step is not marking anyone off your list.

Q: Is it hard to find someone who wants to date a single parent?

A: God no. Are you joking? There are people ALL OVER who want to date a single parent. But as I said, make sure you've taken the steps to make sure they are good enough to be a parent to your kid(s). They can make you feel like a million bucks but if they aren't willing to do the same for your kid, they are not worth it. You can find people online, outside, social groups, etc. Take your pick.

Q: Can you be a parent before 20?

A: Of course, but I hope, you're paying your own bills and not living off of your parents couch. Because, lets be serious, you've just got free from the responsibilities of school, you're not even old enough to drink yet and you want to have a baby? If it's your choice, I'd suggest waiting until you are at least in your mid 20s- early 30s to start repopulating the world. Maybe before then, go to collage, get a degree or two, start making some serious bank and then look into making a little miracle with someone special. Of course, if you are reading this, there is a chance that it's already too late. Laughs out Loud. And that is okay, that just means, you'll have to work a lot hard to make that perfect world happen for you.

Q: What if I'm a new parent but older than 36?

A: This, is still for you. If you are a parent, and single, age really isn't going to matter. And don't be fooled, if you or the lady you are banging is still having a period, she can get pregnant! I've met a woman who was 45 and got pregnant for the first time in her life! Thankfully, she was in a really good point in her life when she got pregnant, job, house, everything and then had a kid but she and even the dad was HUGELY surprised. Sadly, it was just meant to be a one night stand between the two of them with no strings attached. But, the kid that was a result of that one night stand was an amazingly smart and very sweet kid. But, moral of the story, always wrap your Willie.

Got a Question? In box me any time. Thanks.