rising the dark

tell me what you think

let the dark inside me rise
let it consume my empty soul
every drop of my blood thrives
to leave my wreched body and flow
birds of pray through skys they fly
killing every living hope
from day they stay waiting for night
to spread their knife-like wings and soar
to peirce my heart with lustful beaks
and dig it out with sharpened claws
to steal away their heavy meal
and leave me here to die alone
so let the dark inside me rise
let it stand, let it control
for all that's good in me has died
and the secret i had
is now unfold

Author's Note

read it out laud, it sounds better XD, and look away from my spelling mistakes please. thanks

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

YOU reading it aloud would be a 100 times better, Aurora!! : ) First? The shape!! ....not you. The poem, of course. ; ) I Love the shape in which you have designed something to the effect of a blood drop. Very cool. To try and find what fits in those kinds of dimensions, takes an effort you only find out about if you KNOW the author or hear from her/his lips what she intended from the start..... This overwhelming release of wanting to become the prey you see yourself as in the beginning is beautiful and actual. You sound determined to be convinced that you are in this state of being beaten down by life, itself, and you are not!! I want to watch you fly as if your soul were that of a crow's to freely fly above me, but you are stuck to the ground in this mental muck of a mind that chooses to not set you free, Aurora. xoxo It drove me nuts!! lol Then this line.. "killing every living hope". It looks like in the form of what could be seen as a "choking" point, where it tapers in on the length of the line, but also looks fantastic being the middle of the poem, and a supposed turning point. I thought you were about to rescue yourself at this point, but you didn't!! It doesn't feel fair and I Love it at the same time. : ) Those last two lines I deliberately read as slow as possible and at one point, returning to the top of the top, I read it aloud, and it STILL has this presence about it that is vulnerable, creepy angry, and you make it feel beautiful to .... "trust you" that you know exactly what you are feeling. I didn't want to trust you because I wanted to save you... Thank You for that. : ) Thank You for driving me freakin' nuts AND involving me so much!!

xoxoxoox -Your Mark ....my goodness, you can get dark!! xo

[Salar Majak]

lol you are very welcome Mark ;)
i can get dark? says the one who calls himself on youtube ''the dark Mark'' ;)
i love this review, it made me shout, i don't know why lol, it's beautiful and haunting, i have a secret to tell you though, i didn't intent for the poem to look like that, it just did XD but now i love it even more, this one is my favorite and i can't get it out of my head
thanks Mark
xoxoxo
Aurora

[Frieda P]

Dark and piercing, this one hurts...secrets are killers, they drain us of hope, you tell the story well, really enjoyed this read Sal.

[Salar Majak]

i'm really glad that you get it :)
i love how you can understand every poem!!
thanks!

[Frieda P]

Perhaps we share much of the same pain....My pleasure Sal! :-)

[Christopher Booyakasha]

Whoa! You really are good this is Goooooood! This sounds like it could be in a movie. You are a talented writer. Why were you worried about that (haiku?) ??

[Salar Majak]

:D thanks sooo much!!!
and XD it is my first, that is why i was worried, thanks a lot though, i'm glad you like it!

[Christopher Booyakasha]

No problem.

[Siren]

very well penned. i felt something rising in me as I read it---my need to release the darkness inside my own soul. great job, friend! really like this.

[Salar Majak]

really? thank you lot!!! i'm glad you like it

[Siren]

always welcome (:

[WingsToFly]

wonderful write. Amazing flow. Well done

[Salar Majak]

thank you i'm glad you lik it

[Daniel Eckert]

A great rhythm, vivid imagery, all the way around a great piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[Salar Majak]

Thank you alot :)

[Imagine Blade]

Stunning. Perfectly stunning.
I took your advice of reading it out loud.
But since it's already late, I read it in a soft hushed voice which kind of made it sound even darker and eerie. A bit Gothic, but that's just me.

Take it from me Aurora, this is beautiful.
It's overwhelming. It's powerful.

I just had to share this. ^_^

[Salar Majak]

thank you thank you thank you:) i'm sooo glad

[Sid]

Wow, a beautifully dark poem. The emotions expressed in this piece are quite overwhelming and everyone can relate to that pain. I really like how the poem ends.
so let the dark inside me rise
let it stand, let it control
for all that's good in me has died
great powerful lines these. great write!!

[Salar Majak]

thanks alot :), i'm glad you like it

[Salar Majak]

wow yeah, never thought of it like that XD,
thanks :)

[quinfinn]

whether intended or not your poem is almost heart shaped in type, interesting. you have cleverly put together this painful picture of how it feels to have your heart ripped to bits, and i felt every jab , scratch and tear. well done, poet.