Allie Chapter 7

Allie Chapter 7

A Chapter by Britiney Harper
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(Chapter 7) Unexpected

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Chapter 7

 

            It was another football Friday and the season was finally coming to an end. Previously Sammie never went to football games at her school but now she’d been to every game. To take up time during the school day there was a pep rally. She was not a peppy person and thought it was pretty pointless. Though it was sort of ironic that she hung out with cheerleaders but disliked most things about them. Today all the classes after lunch were cancelled so that the whole school could attend this stupid waste of time. Even if she cared about school spirit this was a little much but St. Ivy loved their football team. She played soccer and of course soccer wasn’t as important as football but the school liked all sports. In the past she would skip pep rallies with Allie, now Allie was a cheerleader and that changed everything.

            Before she could get into the gym and find a seat someone grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. It was Evan and he gestured for her to follow him down the hall. Maybe it was her lucky day if her boyfriend wanted to skip the pep rally with her. Too bad she hadn’t thought of that before. He pulled her back to the other side of the school where it was deserted. They went inside an empty class room and once they were inside he kissed her. Having a boyfriend was a fairly new thing for her still. She was only 15 and he was her first boyfriend and her first kiss. There were a lot of firsts with Evan but she was still holding out on the big one.

            “I remembered that you said you hated pep rallies,” Evan said.

            “I hate skirts too,” she said and he laughed.

Somehow her cousin talked her into wearing a skirt. Though she actually didn’t mind this blue jean skirt that wasn’t too short, not that she would admit it. She was also wearing blue and black striped knee socks and a blue cami to match. This was her girly quote for the rest of the year. Evan pulled her to the back of the room and actually lifted her onto a table and started kissing her. Apparently somebody liked her outfit. It was weird since he was usually careful to ask if it was ok to touch her. Today was different, and she didn’t exactly feel panicky like she often did when in a sexual situation.

“You look good today Sam,” he told her.

His hand traveled up her thigh and under her skirt, and that was cause for a bit of panic. The last time they had done any messing around was after the first football game of the season. After that she completely lost her nerve, which might have had something to do with her cousin’s interrogation after it happened. And their friends had to ask half a million questions the next day.

“Evan,” she said pulling back. They didn’t make out either, she was certain she was the world’s worst girlfriend even though he didn’t complain.

“Sorry,” he said stepping away from her.

“I’m sorry your girlfriend sucks,” she told him. She stared at the floor instead of looking at him. Why was all this so hard for her? Everybody she knew was having sex, except for her.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” he said. He came back over and put her arms around her. “I really wasn’t planning to bring you here to attack you.”

“I know,” she whispered. “Evan, wouldn’t you prefer a girlfriend who you know will do stuff with you? We barely kiss; it’s just like before when we were just friends.”

“Uh well I want you and I can be patient,” he shrugged.

“But we have been together for 5 months and a week and we don’t do anything.”

“So? I can wait until you are ready it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Evan stop being so nice about it, I feel bad.”

“Why? Did your crazy a*s friends say something to you, again?”

“Not really, but all Allie talks about is how great sex is and that you like sex a lot. And she would know wouldn’t she?” Sammie hated that she knew that her cousin and her boyfriend use to have sex, she would have been better off ignorant.

“Stop thinking about that, it meant nothing. I love you Samantha and that is more important to me than sex,” he told her.

“How about we just do it? I’m sick of trying to wait for a right time, I just want it over with,” she said. Of course he stared at her like she was crazy, but thinking about all this stuff was making her crazy.

“Samantha, you don’t need to do this, we can wait,” he told her.

“I’m sick of waiting, so have sex with me,” she said.

Part of her was certain that she really wanted to do this and the rest of her was beyond terrified. But she waiting around was driving her insane and she was curious about why everybody liked sex so much. It was then that she made up her mind, she was scared but she wanted to do this. Maybe part of it was peer pressure; though her friends liked to tease her they all assured her that there was nothing wrong with waiting. Except that waiting was making her crazy. Curiosity was wining this fight and she was just a little too restless. Besides this was Evan, she loved him and trusted him and she’d known him her whole life.

“Are you sure about this?” Evan asked after a long silence, of course they both he knew he wanted to do it.

“Yes,” she nodded trying to show him that she was certain.

“Alright, if it’s what you want we could do it tonight,” he said.

“Ok,” she said. Of the two of them she wasn’t sure who was more nervous.

 

 

There was a balcony in the master bedroom of the third house they looked at. While standing out there Wildflower saw a little boy and girl playing out in the sand, and that was her sign. This was the house she wanted. All the houses around here were nice but this was the one for her. And the best part was that it was completely unfurnished so she could go buy whatever she wanted. She was pretty sure that she had become spoiled in the time she’d been with Nicolas, but she didn’t care. It wasn’t even possible for her to be able to spend all of his money anyway. This house had six bedrooms and three and a half bathrooms and it was three floors. There were skylights in the master bedroom which she loved and the tub in the master bath was perfect for two and the closet was huge. The other rooms were a pretty good size; all the kitchen appliances were basically brand new and never used. It wasn’t exactly on the beach but she could see the beach and walk to it. And there was a pool and a hot tub, there was a built in grill and a built in bar outside. It was a good place to host some parties.

“So what do you think of this one?” Nicolas asked when he stepped out on the balcony to join her.

“I want it,” she told him.

“You’re sure?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yes I am and you are going to take my furniture shopping today,” she said.

“Whatever my wife wants,” he said. Then he went back inside to talk to the realtor. Of course this had to be the easiest sell ever, it wasn’t even lunch time and the house was sold. Her cell phone rang, it was of course Brooke.

“Guess what,” Wildflower said into the phone.

“You bought me designer clothes?” Brooke asked sounding hopeful.

“Duh, but we’re buying a house,” she told her friend.

“I didn’t think you were going to let him buy you a house?”

“Yeah I got over that and I just found the perfect house.”

“I guess a diva like you needs a play house,” Brooke laughed. “I was calling because there is a nice gigantic billboard of you here.”

“Damn, I doubt Nick will like that anymore than he likes the one here. But I will not let that ruin my good mood,” she said pleasantly.

“So what did he say about your modeling?”

“Nothing really, he was surprisingly very calm about the whole thing. Maybe vacationing is good for his temper; I mean he said he doesn’t like it but its whatever. There will be no fighting to ruin my vacation.”

“Why do you need a beach house anyway?”

“Because Nick wanted to buy me one and he would have done it if I wanted to or not. Besides it gives us somewhere to runaway to.”

“Yes and we are going to as soon as possible,” Brooke said. “So um about Thanksgiving, Tammy and I went shopping with your mom and aunts and they are insane. Chris isn’t sure that Isaiah is going to want to come to dinner, he could hold a grudge forever apparently.”

“Oh yes he can, don’t worry I will talk to him. How are the kids?”

“Good, tonight is the game so we’re going.”

“Well I’ll call you later, Nick is taking me furniture shopping,” she said.

“Who are you? Before you never wanted to buy anything and now you get a house and you’re going to furnish it?”

“I think I’m high or something, there’s something in the air here. And well doesn’t everybody expect me to be a professional shopper and a stay at home mom with nannies? I just really like it here and I want to be able to spend time here.”

“If you say so, I’ll let you know how the game goes.”

“Thanks you are the best,” Wildflower told her best friend.

“Oh I know and you owe me.”

“Of course,” she replied and hung up the phone.

“Here are your keys,” Nicolas said dangling keys in front of her face.

“Just like that we have a house?” She asked surprised at the quickness of it.

“I gotta sign a few more papers later but it’s ours,” he said. She turned to kiss him. “Oh you will be paying me back for this for awhile.”

“I would love to start but we are going shopping now and later I can show you what I bought you when I went shopping yesterday,” she said suggestively.

“Then let’s go,” he said leading her back through the house. It was exciting to have a house that was hers and not his family’s precious mansion. Today was going to be fun.

 

*********************

“You are serious?” Tony asked and Evan nodded.

“She wants to,” Evan replied.

“But you don’t want to?” Tony asked staring at him.

“I didn’t say that but I’ve never been with a virgin before,” Evan admitted. Under normal circumstances he never really talked to anybody about his personal life, but this was anything but normal.

“Do you at least have condoms?”

“Obviously not, the last girl was with was…” He trailed off and Tony just shook his head.

“It was Allie, right? She told me about it,” he shrugged.

“And you don’t care?”

“Even if I did what would it change?”

They never talked about the fact that they both had sex with the same girl. The same nymphomaniac girl that lived in this house, but she was Tony’s problem now. Evan had always liked Allie as a friend and then they were friends with benefits. Part of him wished he’d been with someone else between his thing with Allie and his relationship with Sammie. But this family and this house was very dysfunctional. Maybe he was one of the worse of them, he did continuously had sex with Allie when he wanted to be with Sammie. Now he was going to be with Sammie like he wanted to and he was so unsure about it. How was he supposed to do this when he knew how far she went with a guy? He was the first guy she ever kissed and now he was supposed take her virginity.

“Ev, if I wanted to be pissed at every guy she’s been with then I’d be pissed a lot. Anyway I’ll get you some condoms,” Tony said.

“Thanks,” Evan sighed. “I guess I knew I would be her first but I never expected it to be now.”

“If it’s what she wants you can’t exactly tell her no,” Tony pointed out.

“I don’t even know if really she wants to, or if she just thinks she has to do it.”

“Stop stressing about it, if after fooling around a bit she still wants to then go for it. Just be gentle and patient with her. This is a big thing for a girl you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed again.

Evan paced his room, he had never been more nervous in his life. Sex never really meant much to him other than a good time. Now everything was so different, he actually had a girlfriend. Sammie wasn’t like other girls; she did what she wanted and was a bit of a tomboy. Lately she had been dressing girlier at the insistence of her friends. He liked her no matter what but he could admit he appreciated her new look. Other guys at school liked it too, but she didn’t notice that type pf thing. She was almost as tall as him with sort of an athletic build, her proportions were pretty generous. Today she’d looked pretty damn good in her little skirt. He was very attracted to her so this should have been easy. Maybe it would have been if it was any other girl but he loved Sammie and didn’t want this to be a bad experience for her.

“I’m thinking that I am going to need to be a little under the influence to get through tonight,” Evan said. His brother laughed.

“How much you wanna bet she feels the same?”

“That might help,” he sighed again. Tonight was going to be an interesting night and he hoped that Sammie didn’t end up hating him. Somehow he was going to make this special for her.

“Just make sure to put a chair in front of the door or something,” Tony told him.

“How is this even going to work?”

“Don’t come to the game, that way you have the house all to yourselves,” Tony suggested.

“That’s actually a good idea,” Evan nodded. “Doesn’t Allie know the combination to the liquor cabinet?”

“Of course she does,” Tony laughed. But Evan was seriously going to have to drink to get through this.

 

 

Christina had been trying to finish her homework before Ariela woke up. So she was sitting at the kitchen table on her laptop. Isaiah bought her a laptop in one of his rare nice moods. She loved him but he was difficult to live with sometimes. As soon as he came home they were going to Tony’s football game so she really wanted to finish. It surprised her when she got an instant message, from her sister. When she found out she was pregnant her father told her that she would have an abortion and never see Isaiah again. That was the only thing he would accept but she told him she wouldn’t do it. So he told her to get out, she packed her stuff and had Isaiah come get her. That was the last time she ever saw or heard from her family.

Her father was a tyrant and he always wanted things his way. Since her mother was weak pathetic and a push over, daddy dearest always got what he wanted. He threatened her siblings so that they wouldn’t try to talk to her. Basically she lost her family because of her daughter but in comparison she would rather have Ariela. And it wasn’t easy when she told Isaiah she was pregnant, in fact though they living in the same house and slept together, they barely spoke for the first few months. But she loved his family and though they had no idea the two of them had problems, they treated her like family. His mother wasn’t exactly happy about the situation but she welcomed her in to their home.

That was all almost three years ago. Some days it was hard because she missed her family. Like at Ariela’s 2nd birthday party or on holidays. Ariela didn’t now that she had other family out there because that family didn’t make an effort to know her. Isaiah told her often that she didn’t need them, because he loved both of them enough. And he was not the type of person that showed emotion at all, but at least he always loved them. So what was important was that her daughter had a family that would always love her no matter what. Why was her sister messaging her? In the past few years she sent so many unanswered e-mails and called her mother when she knew her father wasn’t home.

Love_MegE: Chrissy…Please talk to me.

Chrissy123: Why?

Love_MegE: Because we are sisters?

Chrissy123: Since when?

Love_MegE: You know how dad is!

Chrissy123: What do you want Megan?

Love_MegE: I want to see you.

Chrissy123: I’m sure your father wouldn’t like that.

Love_MegE: I heard that you got married.

Chrissy123: So?

Love_MegE: Please meet me for lunch tomorrow.

Chrissy123: What’s the point?

Love_MegE: I want to see you and my niece.

Chrissy123: It’s a bad idea.

Love_MegE: Please. Please. Please.

Chrissy123: Fine. Do you remember where we use to go?

Love_MegE: Yes. I will meet you there at noon tomorrow.

Chrissy123: I have to go. Isaiah is home.

Love_MegE: Ok I love you. Bye!

By the time Isaiah walked into the kitchen she closed down her computer. For some reason she felt guilty about talking to her sister. Isaiah kissed her and she smiled. Yup she felt like she was doing something wrong. He had been her family all this time and he thought it was for the best that Ariela didn’t know her family. Mostly it was because her parents never approved of him and never tried to hide it. Part of it was because he was older than her and they didn’t think very highly of his family. They didn’t think a grown man should still live at home and when she explained why he did it just got worse. And there was the fact that Isaiah wasn’t a friendly person.

She met him one night at a bar she went to with her college friends. At the time she was 19 and one of her friends wanted to go to this bar because they didn’t card. So she went and there he was playing pool with his brothers. Her friends thought the brothers were all attractive, which of course they were. Christina was definitely not bold enough to approach a guy, but he saw her. Their eyes met more than once and he came over to her and asked to buy her a drink. Somehow he convinced her to leave her friends to hang out with him and he promised to drive her back to her dorm. It had been daylight by the time she got back, most of the night they were ether talking or kissing. After that they were a couple and she fell for him pretty quickly. Six months into their relationship her parents start pressuring her to break up with him. Isaiah didn’t get why she let her parents control and that caused them to fight. Their relationship after that was on and off, mostly they just had sex. By then she was already basically apart of his family and she hung out with Wildflower and Brooke all the time. Then she found out she was pregnant six months into there on and off thing.

“You got a lot of homework?” Isaiah asked, he went to get a beer out the fridge.

“It’s mostly done,” she replied.

“Something wrong?” He asked staring at her.

“Uh no, can I borrow your car tomorrow?” She asked casually.

“For what?  Have to work,” he said.

“Just to you know get out of the house, take Ariela out,” she said.

“If you want to get up early and drive me to work then fine,” he shrugged.

“Ok, I’ll do that,” she said.

“Chris,” he said coming to sit at the table to study her expression. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” she lied.

“You know I know we aren’t always the best couple but at least I’d never lie to you,” he said.

“Megan wants to have lunch,” she confessed.

“That’s why you want the car? You want to see her?”

“She is my sister Isaiah.”

“Since when?”

“I know, but I see your family every day.”

“My family? The family that cared when your family threw you out, do you remember that? Did you forget all that time you spent crying because of them? Or when you saw your sister and she walked right by you like she didn’t know you? How bout when you had me drive you to see your mother and she wouldn’t open the door?”

“Thank you Isaiah for bringing up all of that,” she said with tears in her eyes.

“Christina, I love you and I don’t want to see you get hurt again,” he said.

“I know and I love you too, but let me do this,” she said.

“In my opinion you shouldn’t go and you really shouldn’t take our daughter but do what you need to,” he said. It surprised her that he was so uncharacteristically understand. And it really surprised her when he gestured for her to come sit on his lap, which she did.

“I have to do this, and I know I have a family that is crazy but loves me and I love them,” she paused to kiss him. “My husband worries too much.”

“That’s cause you’re a pain in the a*s and I always have to look out for you. Stop being so damn nice to people that’s how they take advantage of you,” he told her.

“What could Megan really gain by seeing me? She says she wants to see me and Ariela and that’s it. Besides I don’t think they can hurt me any more than they already have,” she sighed.

“Let’s hope not,” he said and he kissed her forehead. Since they got married Isaiah was a lot nicer at least to her. He was just in general a difficult person but she loved him and could deal with him. Now all she had to do was get through lunch with her sister, she said a silent prayer for it to go well.

 

 

“Do you know I’ve been waiting for this since I found out that you were in love with Evan?” Allie said excitedly to her cousin.

“Stop being so excited,” Sammie said.

“You should be excited, tomorrow we are going to celebrate,” Allie told her. She turned to look at Sammie lying on the bed, she didn’t look happy at all. “Sam, you wanted to do this right?”

“Yeah I guess,” she sighed. “I mean I told him I wanted to do it but I’m just kind of freaking out about it.”

“Don’t be, everything will be fine, Evan loves you and he won’t hurt you,” Allie paused. “If you don’t want to do it you don’t have to he will understand.”

“No, I want to,” Sammie said but she still sounded unsure.

“It’s really not so bad; I mean my first real time was with Aaron and I was nervous. Not that I want to remember that but at least it’s Evan and you know him better than anybody. Stop worrying it will definitely bring you closer together,” she assured her.

Allie had been shocked to find out that Sammie planned to have sex with Evan tonight. At first she felt like maybe this was her fault for talking about sex so much, like maybe she pressured her. But Sammie told her it was just something she wanted to do. So she was trying to be as supportive as possible, the two of them were in her room and had been since they got home from school. Soon she was leaving with Tony for the game and she was apparently leaving Sammie behind with Evan. She felt anxious for her cousin; Sammie was after all the sister she wished she had. They had been best friends their whole lives even though they were polar opposites. Before she could try to say anything else encouraging Tony came in her room. The way he looked at her was enough to make her forget her own name.

“Are you going to give me my jersey back?” He asked her. She’s been wearing his football jersey all day showing her school spirit.

“Here,” she said pulling it off and handing it to him. She didn’t miss the look he gave her, she was now only wearing short shorts and a tank top that was tight and showed her belly.

“You better not think you’re going out the house like that,” he said. He was practically drooling over her and she loved the attention.

“Why not?” She asked even though she knew.

“Because,” he whispered in her ear. “I won’t be able to focus on anything else and I should be the only one to see you like this.”  

“If you win the game I will reward you all night long,” she whispered in his ear.

“What if we lose?” He asked though since they hadn’t lost a game all season it was very unlikely.

“Then I’d have to spend all night cheering you up,” he replied.

“Damn,” he shook his head. “Get dressed we need to leave soon.”

“You don’t want a quickie?” She asked and he just kissed her instead of responding.

“Do either of you know I’m still in the room?” Sammie asked making a face at them. “Oh wait you wouldn’t care, since you have sex in school.”

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for Evan?” Tony asked her.

“You told him?” Sammie asked looking betrayed.

“No, I didn’t say anything,” Allie told her.

“Evan told me,” Tony said. “Shocking I know Evan told somebody something, I was coming to get him some condoms.”

“I hate my life,” Sammie said hiding her face under a pillow.

“It’s not that big of a deal Sam,” Tony said. “Besides I was the one who suggested that you two stay home.”

“Feel free to take condoms from my candy drawer,” Allie shrugged. She pulled off her tank top which distracted Tony, but she was putting on her cheer uniform.

“Come get dressed in my room,” he told her.

“Please go, you are both so disgusting,” Sammie told them.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk some more?” Allie asked and Sammie gave her a look that obviously meant no.

“I’m going to go throw up,” Sammie said. She got up from the bed and went into the bathroom and shut and locked the door.

“Is she going to be ok?” Tony asked looking concerned.

“Yes, it’s just you know a little scary for her,” Allie explained.

What she hoped was that this would be ok for Sammie. This whole thing was so un-Sammie-like and it worried her. But who was she to talk her out of it when she had been encouraging her? For some reason she didn’t have a good feeling about this but it was what Sammie wanted. So she was just going to have to be there for her afterwards. And maybe if she planned something with their friends it would be easier. She was going to put that plan into action after she gave Tony some pre-game loving.

 

Sammie wasn’t lying when she told Brooke she was staying home because she felt sick. All day she’d felt nauseous, even when she’d been making out with Evan at school. Tammy was out tonight with her boyfriend so Brooke offered to stay with her, but she declined saying Evan was going to. Because it was her and she was the least sexual person on the planet, Brooke didn’t think anything of it. Of course good girl Sammie would never get into any trouble. She would never have a liquor bottle stashed under her bed and she would not be having sex with her boyfriend. The only reason she accepted the nasty liquor was because even she knew it would numb her nerves a little. Even though she had only drank once and then never again, but that one time was when she was able to let loose a little with Evan.

Once everybody was gone Evan went down to lock up and put the security system on. She just laid in her bed waiting for him. What had she been thinking when she told him she wanted to have sex? In theory it wasn’t that big of a deal and people did it all of the time. In fact Evan did it with her cousin a bunch of times. But she was going to try not to compare herself to Allie. Allie was pretty and adored by everybody and she was a model and she was a cheerleader and homecoming queen. Basically Allie was everything Sammie wasn’t and that didn’t use to bother her. Maybe the fact that her cousin and boyfriend use to have sex did bother her. That was probably why she wanted to do this in her room and not Evan’s.

When he came into her room and closed the door behind him she felt her nerves get worse. If she kept reminding herself that she wanted this then maybe she could get through this. He didn’t say anything just came over to the bed and laid down beside her. Maybe she needed to drink first, she would have if he didn’t kiss her. This was like that night at that party when she let him touch her and take her clothes off. She just focused on kissing him so she wouldn’t have to think. And she just let him lead the way.

 

 

Delanoz was enjoying his time with Caroline; a week ago they got married. He didn’t get around to telling his family that but sooner or later he would. Her annoying sisters hadn’t been around, though she did tell him that his brother threatened them. It was actually more surprising that Nicolas didn’t just go for the kill but then again toying with them might be interesting. He had other things to do and at the top of the list was tormenting his father. Maybe his brother gave him the idea not to just strike at him, but to make him suffer. How he was going to enjoy making the old man suffer.

“Husband,” Caroline called coming into their bedroom. “Dinner is ready.”

“I’m coming,” he replied and followed her out.

Caroline was not like any of woman he’s ever known and he got to know a lot of women. She was so sweet and innocent that he sort of felt guilty for being with her. But he was selfish and self-centered and self-serving and he liked having her. Soon enough he expected her to give him child number 13, lucky 13. It was crazy for him to want another child which meant more child support money and extra money for private schools and whatever else. His children were his possessions and they were his legacy. The more kids he had the bigger his mark on the world would be. Caroline was young enough to be one of his kids, in fact his oldest was older than her. He wanted another boy; a man always loved his sons. And he in fact had five sons and maybe he needed more. His girls were still important to him but sons carried on your name. The next one was going to be a junior, he decided it then.

Before he could sit down to dinner with his wife someone rang the doorbell. So he went to get it, he was surprised to find his father on the other side of the door. The old man surprised him, he never though his father would be man enough to face him. There he stood, grey streaked her, wrinkled tan skin and permanent scowl. It would be a mistake to underestimate Emilio. This was the man that put him in jail just to be a spiteful b*****d. So what if Delanoz did whatever the hell he wanted he was a grown man and it wasn’t his father’s business. He never asked for anybody to clean up his messes or for his meddling father to have him under 24hour surveillance.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” His father asked then stepped inside pass him without invitation.

“What the hell do you want? Haven’t you done enough?” Delanoz asked annoyed.

“And what is it that I did? Do you mean the anonymous tip that somebody gave the police that lead to the discovery of a body that someone buried 14 years ago? I never gave your name,” Emilio said.

“You don’t care that Nicky and Jose are a part of this?”

“What are they a part of? There was no evidence that they knew anything about what you did. They were boys then and I would assume you would never betray your brothers. The brothers that have done so much for you in the past,” Emilio said with a smile. “So where is this girl that you brainwashed into thinking you love her? She’s just another body to add to the pile. I bet any day there will be women coming forward with complaints about your behavior.”

“I’m going to make you regret this,” Delanoz said. It seemed lie his body was moving on its own when he reached out and strangled his father.



© 2010 Britiney Harper


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This is a very well written chapter here. Full of detail and such vivid detail. I enjoyed this chapter. Suspense and drama in this.

Posted 14 Years Ago


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Added on January 12, 2010
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Britiney Harper
Britiney Harper

pittsburgh, PA



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...A Few Things... 1) Hi! I'm Britiney 2) I Love to Write 3) I love to read 4) I'm a nerd 5) i love my Family more than anything else 6) I've been writing since i was 8yrs old (but really b4 tha.. more..

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