Allie Chapter 22

Allie (Chapter 22) Choices

Chapter 22

 

            Allie was sitting out by the pool staring at the water. It was Tuesday afternoon and she was hoping she could keep her promise. Her adopt-a-parents deserved time away, for them she needed to sane. Over the weekend she was fine, she’d gone to the movies with Tony on Friday and went bikini shopping with Sammie at the mall on Saturday. Or it was more like she forced Sammie into it a little and Angel was too happy to take them. At least Sammie was warming up to her crazy mother again. It was hard when your mother was a huge disappointment.

Markus had completely freaked her out the other day and she was trying to figure out what to think. That was why she distracted herself attempting to do “normal” things. Early yesterday morning the parents were gone and she wasn’t home alone. Christina and Isaiah were staying until Saturday when they were all going to Brazil. Though right now Isaiah was at work and Christina was finishing up finals at school. Tammy was out grocery shopping and had asked if she wanted to tag along but she didn’t feel like it.

            “If you don’t have to go to school why are you up early?” Angel asked when she came down. She was the only other person home, which was why Tammy was reluctant to leave.

            “Habit,” Allie replied. The reason she was staring at the pool she hoped wasn’t because she wanted to get in it. Getting in there was a pretty bad idea.

            “Don’t you have homework or something to do?” Angel asked, that was a very unexpected question.

            “No, I already did it all and turned it in,” she said.

            “You use to be the fun kid, now you’re all book smart,” Angel laughed.

            “Fun is overrated and subjective,” she said.

            “God, you’ve grown up so much,” Angel said. She went over to sit on the side of the pool with just her feet in. “So what’s got you down today? Missing your new mommy?”

            “I’m neither happy nor sad, I don’t feel any type of way. Why are you here shouldn’t you be out there chasing Ricky down?”

            “That will be a bit of a slow process, I’m considering a Brazilian vacation soon.”

            “Sydney is going with him you know.”

            “Not for him, both of my children will be there. I know that seems like something I wouldn’t do but you have no idea about the guilt I feel where they are concerned.”

            “You’re planning to go and just watch not notice Sydney plastering herself to the love of your life?” Allie asked skeptically.

            “Yes, I will spend time with my daughter, since we both know Jordan doesn’t want to see me. Sooner or later I will get back my children and Ricky, I just have to be patient,” Angel said.

            “Why did he break up with you anyway?” Allie asked because she was curious and nobody ever told her specific details.

            “We couldn’t have sex anymore; I think it was just stress. But you what he’s like he felt ashamed and embarrassed so he just gave up. I knew he was struggling but I thought eventually we could be together again. There was a little messing around we did but he was never really completely into it. That time was confusing for him so I understood and I knew we would end up together eventually. And we will,” Angel told her. She laid back on the cement and looked up at Allie. “How did you end up with little Tony? Do you realize how much he’s like Ricky?”

            “We hang out, we kissed and ever since the day we kissed we’ve been together,” she shrugged. “What do you mean he’s like Ricky? Because he’s driven, focused, honest, smart and completely loyal?”

            “Well yes, but if I had to pick another brother that I would guess could be gay. I’d pick him. There’s just something about that boy, but it could just be because he reminds me so much of Ricky.”

            “I can assure you that Tony isn’t gay.”

            “Why? Because you have sex? I have sex with Ricky; his current fling is having sex with him.”

            “Tony isn’t gay, I know him,” Allie said a little defensive.

            “Calm down, I’m just saying he reminds me of Ricky not that he’s on the down low,” Angel said. “Once I get my Ricky back everything will be amazing.”

            “You’re a little delusional, he’s in love with Sydney and even if he’s not he’s too loyal to ditch her for you. Besides from what I hear the two of them are at it like rabbits,” she said.

            There was a reason that Tony was like Ricky, because Ricky raised him. Shouldn’t that have been obvious? So what if there was that one time kiss that happened with Tony. That didn’t mean he was gay and he would never lie to her, especially about that. And hadn’t he said he liked her before that day when they kissed? When she really thought about it in her unfogged mind there was a night that stood out. Her mother had pissed her off and senator pedophile was being really annoying. She was planning on staying with Sammie but Sammie wanted to stay with Wildflower. So that was where they went, if she remembered it right that was the day she’d stabbed him.

For her and Sammie to spend the night with Wildflower they had to put the two mattresses that were Wildflower’s bed side by side. That night she needed to get some air and try to clear her head. There was a lot of rage after what had happened that day. Before she went completely crazy she was trying to get control over her emotions. Tony had been outside and she’d been happy to see him. She didn’t tell him she’d stabbed her stepfather, she didn’t want him to think she was crazy. The exact conversation she couldn’t remember but he had made her feel better. They feel asleep together on the couch and if she was remembering right he said something. When he thought she was asleep he’d stroked her hair and whispered that she was beautiful and that he would love her if he could.

The next morning she never got to ask him about it because his mother freaked out when she saw them together. For once she wasn’t doing anything wrong and she was getting yelled at. Marguerite didn’t want her staying over anymore “corrupting” her boys. Tony was different after that; she should have known how he felt. But then she’d gone home to her mother threatening her for stabbing the loser. She’d even told her stupid mother it was because he was trying to touch her but Katrina said it was a lie. He told stupid gullible Katrina that it was her that was coming on to him. Pissed at her mother she spent the next few days drinking herself into oblivion. By the time Wildflower found her after her binge drinking landed her in the hospital.

Remembering thing wasn’t really that good, she needed to forget. Especially what Markus told her. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since then. How were you supposed to respond when your brother told you he’d started his own family and they were now dead? Or well they went missing and were presumed dead, not that it was better. It wasn’t even that situation that was the biggest issue for her, no she was still selfish. If whatever happened didn’t he would never have come home to her. He had completely forgotten her and only came when he had nothing else. That hurt a lot but she couldn’t exactly admit it. Yeah it was horrible for his girlfriend and kid to be dead but she didn’t matter to him. Just like she didn’t matter to her mother or father or all the guys she’d been with. Men were disappointing and they always hurt you no matter who they were. Father, brother, or rapist step-father, all the same they just hurt you in different ways.

Tony would never disappoint her, no he went out of his way to make her happy. Yesterday he sent her flowers and came home from school at lunch just to kiss her. Maybe it was stupid and corny but she appreciated his gestures of love. He wouldn’t talk to her about what was going to happen after he graduated. All he would say was that they were going to be together. She was selfish and she did need him and it would kill her to be away from him. But she couldn’t let him give up his drams and his goals for her. No matter if she liked it or not he had to go, without her. He’d looked into apartments and cyber schooling and about a million other things. She had gone through the history on his computer, he didn’t know that though. At some point they had to discuss this but he obviously didn’t want to upset her. Nobody did these days and she was a little tired of being the “fragile” one.

“If some other girl stole Tony away from you, wouldn’t you do anything to have him back?” Angel asked her.

“Yes, but Ricky was gay for what 14 years or so? A few moths ago he found bisexuality by accident and he’s fallen for the one that led him there. Don’t you think he deserves to be happy? I think Sydney is a little crazy but if that’s what he wants you should respect that. He’s not like staying with her to spite you, things are just different now. There has to be another guy out there for you,” Allie said.

“No, there isn’t, he is it for me. If he didn’t still love me, I would let it go, but he does. I told him to tell me he doesn’t love me and I would forget it. What did he do? Told me he loves me and he kissed me,” Angel told her.

“Only in this family could you have a gay guy caught in a love triangle with two women,” she shook her head.

“Indeed, but you will see I will have him back,” Angel said. She combed her fingers through her chocolate brown hair and smiled to herself. A plotting Angel was a dangerous Angel.

“If you say so,” Allie replied. There was reason to argue, love made you crazy. Didn’t she know that for certain? She just hoped that her love for Tony and his for her didn’t ruin his future.

 

 

Caroline was alone for once, it was a very rare thing. Delanoz threatened her that if she should try to leave he would kill her. When he said it with that murderous look in his eyes she knew he meant it. So she washed the dishes from breakfast and tried not to cry. Going into the fourth week of her imprisonment she was starting to believe she was going to die here. At least that vile Angel hadn’t been back. After she left with a check, Caroline was punished. She couldn’t sit and keep watching them so she’d gone into the kitchen halfway through. Once Angel was gone Delanoz hit her and yelled at her for “undermining his authority” and forced her to have sex. Part of her had hoped that nasty Angel didn’t have an STD. Not that it really mattered she was going to die here.

There were no weapons of any kind around. Unless she broke a plate, that had promise. If she was stronger she would stab him with a fork. But she was weak and sick from being pregnant and her constant punishments. He wouldn’t even let her go to a doctor to see about the baby. His excuse was that she still needed to be trained. If he treated women like this so often how was it that none of them killed him yet? How did he even get away with all this? Maybe it was just that those women were so happy to get rid of him they stayed quiet to keep him away.

A tap on the window startled her. Unless she was dreaming or hallucinating her sisters were out there. The shock took a little bit of time to wear off. How could this be? Sadie and Tina shouldn’t even be anywhere near this house when Nicolas wanted to kill them. But they were there with Heather signaling for her to go to the backdoor. There were bars over the windows and the doors were locked. Delanoz kept the key with him at all times, taking it when he was sleep was not an option. She’d tried and learned to regret it quickly.

From what she could see from the window Tina had a hammer and a screw driver. And she started trying to get the lock of the door. Finally she had some hope and her sisters were going to save her. The tears that came this time she didn’t try to stop. When Tina got the lock off and they could finally open the door she was so happy. She hugged the first sister that came near her. Of course they wouldn’t abandon her no matter what. Before she could get out the door she was yanked backwards by her hair. She was on the floor suddenly with a headache and Delanoz standing over her. So close and yet so very far, there was no hope. He wouldn’t just kill her; he would kill her sisters too. At least death would get her the freedom she was desperate for.

 

 

Wildflower was in love with her new home. It would have been amazing to make this her permanent home but she couldn’t. In the summer they were definitely going to split time between this house and her beach house. Her family was going to love this. Waking up in paradise for real was way better than her dreamed honeymoon. The only downside she could see so far was the extremely long flight. Though she did experience her first time having sex on a plane, which was new and amazing. For the first time in a long time she was completely at peace. She woke up in bed alone so she got up to search for her husband. When she found him in the kitchen she was surprised to see him making a tray of food.

“Did you make breakfast?” She asked him and he laughed.

“Not at all, we need to grocery shop, I bought this. Our new cars arrived today so I thought I’d go grab you some food,” he explained.

During the flight he informed her that he bought two new SUVs to keep here at the house. Because he didn’t see a point to “renting a car other people used”, when he could just buy one. He got two since they would as usual have a house full. This Villa was a lot more than she expected. There were three guest houses and a house for staff. He did hire a caretaker and there was staff, but none of them were here at the moment. This would be a completely self-sufficient normal people vacation. Her family was normal and didn’t get waited on if it was his mother or Katrina they would die before doing things themselves. Just four more days before the family arrived.

The main house was amazing, as was everything else about this place. In the main house there were two bedrooms and a master suite. The suite came with a bedroom with a balcony and a to-die-for view, its own sitting area, a huge bathroom and its own office. So it of course took up the whole second floor. The top floor was a massive lounge area with everything you could need to entertain including its own bar. There was a projector and wall sized screen so you could have a movie party.

On the first floor there were two bedrooms that had their own bathrooms, a very big sitting room, dinning room, kitchen laundry room and a nice size powder room. Outside there was a pool that wrapped around the back half of the house, an outdoor dinning area and a barbeque area. There was a lot of grass and space and a garden and citrus orchard. Each of the guest houses were three bedrooms and were spaced out nicely. In a separate building there was a gym with a sauna, bathroom and its own showers. It was almost like having their own little resort.

“Do we have to go back home? We haven’t even gone anywhere yet and I’m ready to stay forever,” she sighed.

“We’ll see,” he replied. “You should eat then we can do whatever you want to.”

“That idea has promise, let’s go outside,” she said smiling.

They had breakfast outside; it was so quiet and peaceful. Nothing at all to worry about except maybe figuring what to do with their first full day here. The beach was close enough to walk to so they could go there. It had been pretty late when they arrived yesterday so they went to sleep as soon as they got to the house. All of this was hers, it was amazing. Yes she had her beach house and they had a mansion that they lived in, but this place was heaven. And the fact that it would fit all of them was a miracle. Carmen was renting a place nearby closer to the beach they would be in on Sunday. Wildflower really wanted to explore and swim and practice her language skills. She just wanted to do any and everything.

After breakfast she went to get a shower and soon after her husband joined her. Which turned into sex in the shower and in the bed and then they both fell asleep. Later in the afternoon she woke up alone again. She looked outside and found that her husband was swimming. Since he was busy she quickly took a shower and got dressed. Not that she was apposed to having sex with her husband, but she wanted to leave the house. Before going downstairs she called home to check in, all was well apparently. Nicolas was still swimming when she came down and she did watch him for a moment.

“Come swim,” he said coming over to the edge.

“No, I want to go out and we need food,” she said.

“Fine,” he replied and got out.

“There will be plenty of time to swim later,” she said handing him a towel. “Can I point out that we have a pool at home that you never swim in?”

“When I’m home I’m usually busy, we are on vacation,” he shrugged. “You showered already I take it?”

“Yes, I’m not having sex with you again Mr. Capriani,” she told him.

“We’ll see,” he said and went into the house.

Three weeks wasn’t going to be enough for her, she could already tell. But she really couldn’t relocate here, her family was too important to her to move away from them.  Besides her mother would just die if she did. Thinking of her mother she called her. If she didn’t periodically check in with her mother she would start worrying. She wished her Brazilian grandmother was still alive; she had always wanted to bring them here. And now Wildflower got to bring her siblings here. Last year at this time she wouldn’t have believed any of this was possible. Some days she still didn’t believe any of it, she was waiting to wake up from the dream.

 

 

Sammie had a suitcase open on the floor in her room and she was throwing clothes at it. Going to Brazil was exciting but being on a plane with Evan was the last thing on Earth she wanted to do. They were not speaking or more like he kept trying to talk to her but she didn’t respond. It was hard when they went to the same school, road in the same car and lived in the same house. What did she really have left to say to him? She knew she wasn’t the best girlfriend and that he would probably get bored with her. But he kissed Sydney after he had been talking to her on the phone. After they talked about sex, obviously since she wasn’t going to do anything with him he moved on.

            So why did he keep begging her not to leave with Jordan? What was the point? Was it because Sydney didn’t want him? Sydney was pretty and girlie and everything Sammie was not. The choice was pretty obvious and she felt stupid. This was why she didn’t date, what was the point? Evan had been one of her best friends and now everything was a huge mess. It wasn’t her fault if she didn’t want to have sex with him. He knew her all of her life he should have known that sex was a little much for her. And she had spent the night with him making out and making up. While she was thinking things would be fine between them he was keeping a secret. She wondered if he would have told her had Sydney not been there.

            What was worse then the fact that he did it? Everybody knew and since everybody was the family they shared it made things impossible. If she seriously believed her mother wouldn’t just run off one day she would have really left with her. She did believe her mother wanted to try but Angel was not good at the follow-through. Sammie couldn’t put her faith in her mother because every time she did she got hurt. Still she loved her flake of a mother because she couldn’t not love her.

Maybe Jordan took up all the hate so she had to still love her. And still believe that maybe, just maybe next time will be the time she changes. It was stupid and she knew it would be problematic as was everything with her mother, but she was happy she was coming too. At least if she focused on her crazy mother she didn’t have to waste her vacation thinking of Evan. Even crazy her mother was at least fun, even if their views on fun differed at times. Jordan wasn’t going to be happy when he found out their mother was coming. Not that they were even staying in the came place, but she wasn’t going to be the one to tell him. If she did there was no way he would get on a plane. A knock on her door made her turn; she wasn’t expecting to see Ricky.

“Your mother packs like that too,” he said. Referring of course to the mess that was her suitcase, nothing was folded at all.

“I have an excuse, I have one hand its hard to fold,” she replied.

“You could always pout at someone until they do it for you,” he said. She smiled because she didn’t things like that when she was little.

“I think I’ve grown out of that,” she said. He came in and sat on her bed and she went to join him.

“We should talk,” he said.

“Did Evan send you? You can tell him I’m not talking to him no matter what,” she said.

“Now Samantha when have you ever known me to take sides? Your anger is validated, but that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about,” hew said. For a moment she stared at him and then it dawned on her.

“Are you going to tell me that you’re thinking of getting back together with my mom?” She asked and he laughed.

“You would like that, huh?”

“Well a little, but then you would have to put up with her and that’s only ok for short periods of time.”

“I thought I would come ask you how you feel about her being back here,” he said seriously.

“Honestly I don’t know, at first she was just being annoying and now she seems serious about all this. Today she actually went to a job interview, she hasn’t worked in years. I know she wants me to live with her but I can’t do that,” she admitted.

Sammie could remember when she was little and her mother was slightly less erratic. But very obsessed with Ricky, she always had been. And Angel would tell her children that he should have been their father. Unlike their father he knew them and cared about them. She could count on one hand without using all of her fingers the times her father spent time with her and Jordan. And that included all of the almost 16 years of their lives. Ricky however had always been around, he loved them the way her father should have.

Maybe her mother was right about that it would have been better if he was her father. Then Evan really would be her uncle, but that meant they would have never been together. Thus her life would be so much easier and her mother wouldn’t have ever been flaky and borderline neglectful. It was funny how one small thing could change everything. She couldn’t deny that she would have liked it better that way. What child didn’t want two parents who loved them and would always be there for them? Having a father that didn’t care about you at all was a little traumatizing. Especially if you saw your father hit your mother for no good reason on several occasions. No wonder she was so screwed up, she like her mother had secretly wished for something that wasn’t meant to be.

“Maybe this will be it for her,” Ricky said. He looked like he wanted to say something else but before he could her mother came in.

“Hey,” Angel said staring at them. “I was going to help you with your packing Sam, but I could come back.”

“When did you learn how to fold clothes?” Ricky asked.

“Can and don’t feel like it are two different things,” she replied. “So you know I’m coming on this trip but not to bother you. Sam and I are going to spend time together.”

“Good for you, Sydney isn’t coming anyway,” he shrugged.

“Why not? I would think she would love to go on vacation with you,” she said. It was shocking when she actually went to pick up clothes and start folding them.

“Her parents want her home,” he said then got up. He bent to kiss Sammie’s cheek and whispered: “If she drives you too crazy I’ll always rescue you.”

“I know,” Sammie whispered smiling. Some kids wished their divorced parents would get back together, her wish was impossible. Until this moment she hadn’t realized that she was still wishing for this.

 

 

Jasmine had really tried to calm her worries about her marriage but it was hard to do so when your husband got a visit from his stalker. A stalker that was also his cousin’s pregnant wife. She should have been happily packing to go to Brazil with her husband and new family, but no. Cheyenne showed up at her door and wanted to “talk”. What was the point unless she was still having sex with Jose? He swore that he was completely faithful and told her that she needed to quit asking. But what why was he suddenly working late? Maybe he was right and she was making herself crazy for no reason. That would have made more sense if Cheyenne wasn’t here.

“Is your husband throwing you out?” Jasmine asked when she answered the door.

“This could still be Jose’s baby,” Cheyenne replied.

“DNA doesn’t lie,” Jasmine replied.

“The test couldn’t rule him out as he father,” Cheyenne said.

“You aren’t coming back into my house and keep your skank a*s away from my husband. Jose has one child,” she said.

“How long do you think it will last this time? He always comes back to me and if I divorce Liam I can have Jose. From what I hear if he throws you out then I’ll get your son too,” Cheyenne said pleasantly.

“You’re pathetic and so lucky you’re pregnant because I would hurt you otherwise. Go home to your husband s**t while you still have one,” Jasmine said and shut the door.

The only reason Cheyenne dropped by was to spread doubt. If Jasmine kept being paranoid Jose was going to break it off with her and she knew it. Since there were no secrets between Caprianis any of them could know about her agreement. Rosa and Katrina were gossipy just like the rest of the family and would spread it around. Cheyenne knew Jose was a serial cheater; everybody did, so she knew how to play this. Too bad for Chey the bleach went to her brain because Jasmine wasn’t a loser. If she wanted something badly enough she got it. Didn’t she have Jose?

Jasmine was never insecure before like this and she really needed to stop. Jose was a cheater in the past like in the past she was technically gold-diggerish. The past was the past and there was no reason to worry. Cheyenne was no threat to anyone but herself. At least if you were going to cheat on your husband you should be discreet about it. That crazy chick was anything but discreet and would one day get karmic retribution for her evil bitchiness. No, Jasmine didn’t have to worry about other women trying to steal her husband. She just had to worry about herself and not push him towards other women. A simple task, yet it would be hard. Trust was hard for her, very hard. This might have been easier if Jose wasn’t such a player, who was very hard to resist.

By the time Jose came home she had finished packing for the three of them. She cleaned, made dinner and Joseph was napping, she was motivated today. Though since Holly went home she was a little lonely with just Joseph. Maybe after the New  Year Holly could move in with them permanently. She did want to be friendly with her new family but it would a little weird. Was she supposed to show up at the mansion and invade Wildflower’s little inner circle? In this family she was an outcast and she was surprised they were even invited on this trip. It wasn’t that Wildflower or her family had ever been anything but nice to her, they just didn’t know each other that well. Jasmine definitely needed to put in my effort, and she would.

How could she not if she was spending two weeks with these people in a foreign country? As far as she knew only Wildflower actually spoke the language. The real problem was that Wildflower though nice and friendly was close to Carmen. And Carmen did not like Jasmine and often didn’t try to hide it. Knowing Carmen and being the gossipy Capriani that she was she would turn everybody against Jasmine. Being in this family was basically going to be like going back to high school. Jasmine went to a boarding school for gifted students from 6^th grade to 12^th grade. The girls at her school were pretty catty at times, but she never let anyone put her down. So she couldn’t let these bratty spoiled Caprianis do it either.

“You finished packing?” Jose asked when he came in to find her zipping the last suitcase.

“Yup,” she replied. “Can you please tell your stalker not to show up at my house again?” She asked and he stared at her for a minute.

“Cheyenne was here? What did she say now?” He asked with a heavy sigh and laid down on the bed.

“That you are leaving me and taking Joseph to be with her,” she told him.

“Guess I should have listened the first time you told me to stay away from her,” he replied.

“What? Are you admitting I was right about something?” She asked feigning shock, his response was to get up grab her and throw her on the bed.

“Wife you are wearing too many clothes,” he said. This was how it was supposed to be. He was yanking her clothes off like he was hungry for her. Yes It was time to grow up and quit being so insecure about everything. Jose had no reason to cheat on her, she gave him everything.

 

 

Nicolas was watching his wife walk along the beach with the waves crashing around her ankles. She looked perfect and angelic with her white sundress with the sun getting close to setting behind her. These few days they spent alone she was different, happy even. Maybe it was this place or just being away from home but she was looking a lot better. Her long curly hair was hanging down her back and she seemed to glow. He sat there in the sand just watching her, happy that she finally looked peaceful. It took coming to another country to make her happy again, maybe they did need top move here.

“You ready to go?” He asked when she came over and sat in his lap.

“No, not yet,” she said leaning her head against him.

“Is something wrong?” He asked after studying her expression.

“Nick, do you really want this baby?” She asked and he never expected her to ask something like that.

“Are you crazy? Why would you ask me that?” His response was a little angrier that he would have liked but she caught him off guard.

“Because every time we talk about him you get this look and I don’t get it. I am pregnant because you wanted children, or did I misread that? If you didn’t want this then I really wish you would have told me at some point,” she said. That happiness he’d just seen in her was gone now, his fault again.

“This is our son and I wanted this more than you can ever know. Don’t ever doubt that, I love you and I love him,” he told her.

“Then tell me what it is,” she said there were tears in her eyes. Obviously she was just really good at hiding her emotions now.

“It’s not you or him; it’s what I’ve done to you. Because I wanted something I pushed you into this and you’ve been miserable. Know why I was jealous to see you with that guy? Not because I think you will cheat on me but because you looked happy with him. You aren’t happy and you haven’t been for a very long time,” he said.

“I love you and I agreed to everything you didn’t really have to push hard. This was what I wanted too,” she said.

“Is it? You’re young and have never truly had freedom and it’s not right. I can tell I’m losing you and you resent me for this,” he said.

For awhile she was silent and he wasn’t sure how to interpret that. Everything was fine the last few days and he ruined it. No matter what he couldn’t stop failing at this marriage. What was he supposed to do without her? She literally was everything to him, his world revolved around her. All he ever truly wanted was right here and he could potentially lose her. This trip was supposed to fix things not make them worse. And what could be worse than her thinking that he didn’t want their child?

“If I didn’t want to marry you or have a baby with you then I would never have done any of it. I’ve been a wreck lately and I know it but it’s not because I didn’t want to get married. You aren’t losing me and I only resent you when you get all crazy jealous. Why would I ever want to raise our son without you? I couldn’t leave you Nick, I married you and I made a commitment on a forever basis. Marriage is a very serious thing for me; I just want to know if you’re really in this. Do I complain that I’m missing out on something? I chose to live this life with you,” she told him.

“Did you really choose it? My longing for a family blinded me to everything else and I feel I forced you into what I wanted.”
            “Nicolas, I love you ok? We are married and we are having a son, that’s all that really matters. And maybe I am depressed and I did have a few doubts and worried a lot but it’s ok. I don’t regret marrying you.”

“Who was he really?” He asked because sometimes his mouth spoke on its own.

“Who was who?” She asked staring at him then it obviously came to her. “Are you serious right now? I think I’m ready to go now.” When she tried to get up he wouldn’t let her go.

“I know you hate me right now but I can’t help but wonder about that,” he said. The day she fin ally decided to leave him she would definitely be validated in it, he was crazy.

“What do you want me to say? Eric was a friend; he’s been friends with Jay like forever. We use to hang out,” she said annoyed.

“You had sex with him though, right?” He asked because he knew he was right.

“If you really want to go down this road then fine, yes I had sex with him. He was the first I ever had sex with and the last before I met you. Does it make you happy to know that? There’s no point to talking about this. One minute you act like I’m trying to divorce you and the next you want to know every guy I had sex with? And I thought my mom was the only bipolar one,” she said.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “No matter what I say or do I’m still screwing up with you. This is hard for me I feel like I’m failing you.”

“Nick, I’m fine and we are fine or we were before this conversation. Stop worrying about nothing, if you don’t then yeah we will have problems,” she told him.

At the moment he pretty much hated himself and he felt awful. When had he become insecure? Never in his life was he insecure about anything. So why now? Maybe it was because he never wanted anything this badly. Nothing was ever this important to him. And maybe he really was crazy, he was driving them both crazy. It was probably mostly just the guilt he felt that was making him behave the way he was. Guilt over what happened before, during and after their wedding and about a million other things. This trip was supposed to make things better, he was making them worse. He was a control freak and he wasn’t use to just going with the flow. His life was meticulously planned out, until she came to turn it upside down. You could plan for a lot of things but he was learning that love and family didn’t work on a set plan.

“Can you forgive me? I’ve been crazy and stupid,” he admitted. “But I don’t want you to ever think that I don’t love you or our son. I suppose I’m just expecting this to fall apart because I’m not good at relationships. Can we forget this?”

“That might be for the best,” she nodded.

“I think I got too use to being alone, so the fact that you are still with me is a little hard to believe. And I wanted so bad to have a family and there you were, the key to everything.”

“So did you really think when you saw me that I was wife and mother material? She asked watching him like it mattered.

“Yes, it wasn’t so much about physical attraction as something else maybe something cosmic. Not that I ever would believe such a thing but I can’t explain it otherwise,” he told her.

“It was meant to be,” she said lacing her fingers through his.

“Indeed it was,” he said and he kissed her. Now all he had to do was make sure he didn’t screw this up.

 

 

Allie was still packing, they were leaving tonight but she had packed and unpacked a million times. This was it for her; it was her nerves that had her crazed like this. By the time Tony came home from school she was finished and on the verge of unpacking again. He stopped her and pulled her away from her closet and over to her bed. These days it was like he was in her head and knew what she was going to do before she did it. He however could not know the reason for her nerves. It wasn’t just everyday crazed-Allie-ness. There was a reason and he wasn’t going to like it but she’d been thinking about it all week. How could she sleep with him every night taking comfort from that small task, when she was ruining his life?

“If it’s not in the suitcase then you don’t need it,” he told her.

“Or I could just buy a new one of whatever,” she replied. He kissed her like he did everyday when he came home. “Tony, we need to talk and you can’t avoid me this time.”

“Uh oh, what is it you want to talk about?” He asked looking at her suspiciously.

“When August comes you are leaving for school and you can’t take me with you. And you definitely can’t stay here,” she told him firmly.

“Allie,” he started but she kissed him to cut him off.

“Tony I love you and I will survive for awhile if I know I can have you back. But I can’t live with myself if I ruin your life. There is no choice and don’t argue with me, you are going and that’s the end of it,” she said. It surprised her when he laughed.

“I don’t mind staying with you or for you to come with me,” he said.

“Yes I know but I don’t want to become your burden. Either I will regain my independence or I won’t but I can’t do this to you. I love you too much and I would be a distraction to you. And you don’t have to worry I will be right here at home with our family. There’s no more alone for me and I will wait until I can join you. By August I wont be too crazy so I could drive to see you,” she said.

Ever since she realized what she’d caused she’d been thinking of this. Tony was afraid for her and he was right to be. She’d been behaving more erratically than she had in a very long time. But this time she had something to look forward to and something to live for. And she was safe in her uncle’s fortress; the world couldn’t hurt her here. Soon she would go back to school and try to be a normal 17 year old. That shouldn’t be hard, right? It should have come naturally but she wasn’t normal. Nothing about her was ever normal even before everything in her life went to hell.

Now she was headed towards the future and she wanted to look forward to it. No more fear or worry, she had to just live. The funny thing was what inspired her most was Angel. That had to be the most shocking thing ever. But Angel loved a man she couldn’t have her whole life and let that love ruin her life and every relationship she ever had. Especially the relationship she had with her children. Though she was obviously committed to changing and if Angel could then so could Allie.

The past was not going to ruin her future. She’d been letting it do that for way too long. Now she was choosing to move on and let go. None of it really mattered anymore. It was the now that mattered most and would get her to the future. A future where she could be Tony’s wife and not just someone for him to take care of. As of this moment nothing else mattered except for Tony and their family and their future together. She wasn’t going to be anybody’s burden anymore and she wasn’t going to let the people that hurt her win. For way too long she had been but from this moment on it was going to be different. And she kissed him again so he couldn’t try to change her mind, this was for the best. For their future together and soon they would be in paradise in more ways than one.

Reviews

[deeps]

Suspenseful and full of dramaI enjoyed this chapter.
This is a very well written chapter.
I love the powerful imagery you display.
This is wonderfully written.