My Dick Wrote a Poem

My Dick Wrote a Poem

A Poem by Brjden (Bridge-Den) Crewe

So here's to my boss. I love you, you're my best friend, you're the master. So take the pen and give the people you're story......



"To deny our own impulses,

is to deny the very thing that makes us human!"                                              

                - Mouse from the movie "The Matrix"



My Dick Wrote a Poem


by Obie Wang Kenobi



How am I hanging?........ 

              LOW & LAZY

And this constant isolation is driving me crazy!

I know it's for my own safety

But I need a new mate or at least get "Handelle"

up there to come play with me!


BUT WAIT......

Im starting to feel warm

and my anatomy swells

I sense the damp air of estrogen,

I know the scent well!






P***Y I SMELL?!??!


I can tell because my reproductive gel 

Starts to leak like a bottomless pail


Wait!....What did she say?

Make her say it again!

It sounded like she said

"Bridgey, why dont you come on in."


And I feel my veins

send blood UP from my testes

and directly to my brain


We BOTH go into her place and I catch a case of vertigo

Knowing soon after the show, he'd be rounding 3rd base

And I literally can't wait, she had her stupid 2nd date!

So I message Dummy, I mean Bridgey, to speed up the pace!!


My telekinesis screams

“Tell her whatever

         she wants to hear!”

Get her a beer or two, or six until her nudity appears!

Recite a love poem or something  in the warmth of  her ear! 

Just do whatever you have to do to bring her attention down here!!


Now I'm starting feeling tight, and I'm tripled in height!

And my head's "rim" inflates like the wheels on a bike


his pants ain't see through

Although I stained em up a bit, I need to get a preview!


So I try to bust through them....

                & push my head high

Then I feel Bridgey's hand

         lay me down on his thigh

What the hell, Bridgey?

I hope you aint forgot who's the boss!

I'm Michael Jackson, youre Tito!

The testies are Diana Ross!


I control you!

And I rule us with an Iron Fist!!!

I'm the star, the brains,

and the dick in this dictatorship!

So quit, f*****g around

and lets get to f*****g her now

Cause I'm f*****g tired of nights with just some Jergens and a towel!



I feel us go to sit down and hear incoherent sounds, but I assume “Dummy” is going into his whole. "passive aggressive, cool, I'm not gonna act like I really want to have sex with you, thus luring YOU into making the first move by talking smooth and slightly ignoring you which makes you want us even more, brooding divorcee tortured artistic soul, seductive”  thing now


So then I try to stand,

but his pants got me tucked in and

I'm too stiff to worm my way back to.........wait......wait.......


the zipper's moving!.........Oh Yes!!!


Someone takes me out of these pants,

but I can't see s**t!!



I feel an unfamiliar hand softly petting my skin

And it feels so good, that I start leaking again!

Her hand, is so soft and especially small

but for all  I care,



I hear her say "Lay back", and so Bridgey abides

Though I, with all my pride stand very hard and high


I feel her lip's kiss,

and her tongue give me a lick

I'm now the rope in a "Tug of War" between her lips and Dummys pelvis



I'm....wet as fish, but bathed within her kiss for 10 minutes or so, now I need to simply finish, so pass the Kleenex or get that rubber outfit so I can “go” & leave you two silly, love birds alone


Oh good! The rubber outfit; this'll just take a minute

But something's pulling at my feet telling me not to give it


All of a sudden,

      now I'm in it!

Its the washing machine!!!!!

Now we're jumping like a bungeed, underwater trampoline!


Up , Down, Up & Down!......It feels so good!

Round, round, round & round,

                            it feels like it should

Like a tight, pillow-like room....and I really wanna shoot

Five minutes later, I do "IT",

                 And Bridgey takes off the suit


I'm breathing hard now and shrinking,

                 and I need dry off

I feel satisfied and tired so I'm about to sign off

I ain't with all the talk, so this is where it will end



I said, "Thanks, and go tell a friend!"




© 2013 Brjden (Bridge-Den) Crewe

Author's Note

Brjden (Bridge-Den) Crewe
This poem in no way represents the thoughts, feelings, and agreements with Bridgey Crewe and all of his affiliates. I never took this piece that seriously until the response to it. Then I started revising and I'm(or we) are going to try and make it as poetically intelligent as possible without losing the humor of it. I really wanted to convey the "control" aspect of his personality. Somewhat of a Napoleon complex, yet they do control most men both directly and indirectly.....
Tons of revisions are to be made, so just have fun with it right now.......

My Review

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Featured Review

LMAO... this was partially inspired by SuperBad? I was JUST watching that this weekend as well. You're totally my soulmate.
How I love thee, let me count the ways...
Anywho, getting back on task:
I can not stop laughing.
This was truly a unique piece. The perspective is insanely funny to me.
Girls couldn't really write a piece such as this, you think? Yeah, well, probably just not this girl. LOL.
And you wonder why I call you brilliant. It's simply because you are. I have a firm belief that this could have been so vulgar, but it's not, it's just insanely funny. A Day in the Life...
(the washing machine -- priceless!)

Posted 15 Years Ago

2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


Wow Wee!! I am so glad I stopped by to take a peek. And what a peek that was. I couldnt stop laughing or smiling or dreaming or fantasing or or or..oh what certainly was a refreshingly comical writing.

Posted 13 Years Ago

Brjden (Bridge-Den) Crewe

11 Years Ago

Thank you! I really appreciate it! Nice meeting you as well!
this was VERY entertaining... loved it and I love this part...

"Tell her whatever

she wants to hear!"

Get her a beer or two, or six until her nudity appears!

Recite a love poem or something in the warmth of her ear!

Just do whatever you have to do to bring her attention down here!!

Posted 14 Years Ago

You have just made me pee my lil pink pants! you are by far Bridgey my baby...the cooles f****n guy on the internet. I loveeeeeeee the way you let freedom of speach ring in our ears.....another brilliant poem ...x0x0x0x0x

Posted 14 Years Ago

lol .... i cant help but giggle alittle ... from reading the title the first thought that came to mind was damn maybe is alitte 2 mature for me lmao but like aways u simply surprise me ... im luvin it ...

So I try to bust through them..../& push my head high/Then I feel Bridgey's hand/lay me down on his thigh/
What the hell, Bridgey?/I hope you ain't forgot who's the boss!/I'm Michael Jackson, you're Tito!

priceless ....

Posted 15 Years Ago

you my friend are a nut.... this was sooo crazy.. I loved every second..

"the washing machine"!!??!?

ha ha ha

Posted 15 Years Ago

man, I loved it
you truly are blessed with a unique talent
not all writers can bring about such vivid perspectives at a whim
and I love that you write pieces that range from the deep to the shallow end of the pool
sincerely! well written Bridge
I am a big big fan of your work

Posted 15 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

What can I say? It's a roller coaster ride filled with moments of...
Did he just say...
Oh my God.
What the f**k...
Oh gross.
Holy s**t..
Oh NOW I see..

You get the idea. Have a good one, man.

Posted 15 Years Ago

LMAO, so THIS is what Mr. Winky is thinking the entire time? See....I KNEW you guys were COMPLETELY separate from the controller, LMAO! I love your writing, this is so funny. Made me chuckle. Thanks for sharing doll!

Posted 15 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ahem, there is more to this trap we are all in than sex mate. I like your wit and vigour but I, erm, want something more than f*****g poetry! I know you've got more... I think you should put this one to one side mate. I know you can do this any performance how many poems like this cld you get away with? One or two, max.

Posted 15 Years Ago

1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

I read this about five times I thought that I had did a review for it all ready but I guess I didn't. i find that poem to be very injoyable read that's why I have read it so many times. When I'm looking for inspiration this is one of those I pull up to read becuase of the way the poet came at the subject matter. But I don't belive "that it was written on the behalf of a best freind" .....LOL.... GREAT WRITE :)

Posted 15 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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51 Reviews
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on January 24, 2009
Last Updated on April 28, 2013


Brjden (Bridge-Den) Crewe
Brjden (Bridge-Den) Crewe

Windy to Sin City

My name is Brjden Crewe from Chicago, living in Vegas now part time. I'm officially bi-coastal(somewhat). I do freelance music and movies reviews for a few nameless magazines and I regularly recite sp.. more..