Chapter 1 : A Letter To My Daughter

Some secrets are meant to be secrets but some are not.....

My dear Jane,

                   Do you remember those bedtime stories I used to tell you? Even though you might not believed it, I would not force you to, but I am telling you that those are based on my experience through life. Even though I haven't told you what really happened but, If I had the chance to take you back in time to show you, I would as I know that through action, you will believed it. I am 62 years old now and I am bedridden. Laying on the hospital bed, i missed the agility that I had when I was in my 20's and 30's. I used to be a very tough and persevere person. I wanted to tell you from the beginning but I had to bite my tongue and wait for the right time. It was too young for you to understand it. From cradle to grave, I had been a righteous and a very passionate person. I was like a shag on a rock before i met your mother, she was the person that shed lights on my darkness and guide me towards the right path. I was fortunate to have your mother and...you, now it is the time for me to show you and guide you. Therefore, i decided to tell you the stories that i used to tell you when you were young, but this time........it was about some untold secrets. It will be your choice to either believed in it or to turn a deaf ear. I want you to be strong and persevere even if you are back to the wall. I want you to explore all avenue and put your heart and your soul to it, and not give it up on it.

Author's Note

First chapter of this book that i am writing. Point out and tell me what i should change and correct about this chapter (as well as the rest) and i will improve it. I want to learned and improve my writing to satisfied the readers. Thank You!

Reviews

[T. Adams]

I like the idea that you're presenting. The idea that the past of this characters life has served as inconcievable antidotes for his daughter. Maybe hint at what the stories were about. I was interested, but as a reader wasn't too intrigued. Also maybe instead of saying, "I am 62 years old now and i am bedridden" describe your current surroundings. Something like, "As I lay in my appointed hospital bed I think of how I long to stretch my legs. I miss the agility my 20's and 30's held, time has passed too quickly." Just some thought, hope it helps.

[BryanCX]

Thank you for this review. This is my first writing as a story and i used to write short stories for my school and exams before. I didn't know much how exactly to write stories and make it so that the readers are intrigued and how really to use phrases or sentences to do that. Therefore i apologize for that, as well i am gaining something today. :)

[Xavier Lee]

An interesting piece, to be sure. However, you may want to work on your grammar usage, especially commas. I'm all too familiar with overusing comma, little suckers are way to easy to overhandle. I'm afraid I agree with David Ung with regards to the exposition. Though you told me everything you needed to say to get my (the reader's) attention, you made it a bit too concise and more than a bit too short. Still, a good hook and I can't wait to read more.

[BryanCX]

Thanks Xavier. I agreed on grammar issue and commas as i always get it wrong... While the exposition, i am still trying to improve it gradually throughout the story.

[David Ung]

It is quite interesting, but I find it too cliched and it has too much exposition, to the point it felt like a purple prose. For example "i can barely walk and climb up a flight of stairs" could be replaced with "I can barely walk and climb up the stairs." Remember to check capitalized and un-capitalized letters too. Other that that, it is very interesting and I would like to see how your character would progress on, or rather progress backwards. *Wink *wink.

[BryanCX]

Thanks mate for this comment, i will work on the mistake. Even though it was a small mistake, but i still appreciate you for your time to read this. wink*wink*

[David Ung]

why are you winking back at me? All I'm stating is the fact that it will rather progress backwards. LOL.