This Time

This Time

A Poem by Sbernie18

This time, let your words do your singing.

Let your voice move the air.

Let the trees do their growing,

And watch as all the leaves fall.

 

In the distant hall,

We’ll still call your name,

And beg that you go,

And come back someday.

 

This time don’t try, only watch.

We all have to learn someday.

Take a seat inside your void.

Your hopes can wait.

They won’t be late.

But don’t forget, your dreams can hide.

 

It’s your turn now,

All of this is yours.

Don’t try and don’t forget,

Don’t misinterpret me,

And I’ll be waiting for you.

 

There she goes; and gorgeous as always.

Nothing’s changed when dreams are tamed,

And caged and beat and forced to escape.

To find freedom with you.

 

You have to try.

Try to run away.

And meet me where, you’ll always go.

I’ll find you there, and then we’ll hide,

Inside our dreams.

That can finally be free.

© 2011 Sbernie18


Author's Note

Sbernie18
ignore basic punctuation.

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Featured Review

What I enjoyed:

1) "Take a seat inside your void." Love the tone of that line.
2) "Nothing’s changed when dreams are tamed," I enjoy the sound of this line.
3) "To find freedom with you." I enjoy how this stops the reader in a good way to contemplate.

What could change:

1) "This time, let your words do your singing." My gut is telling me that "do" here could be improved upon. Maybe a different phrase entirely would increase its awesomeness.
2) "We all have to learn someday." My gut is telling me that this line has something more to add to it, or that it could be shaped into something stronger.
3)" Don’t misinterpret me," For some reason, it seems like this line is out of place.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

well. it's very good. I liked it. it was very good. it was cachy. Good job...

Posted 8 Years Ago


What I enjoyed:

1) "Take a seat inside your void." Love the tone of that line.
2) "Nothing’s changed when dreams are tamed," I enjoy the sound of this line.
3) "To find freedom with you." I enjoy how this stops the reader in a good way to contemplate.

What could change:

1) "This time, let your words do your singing." My gut is telling me that "do" here could be improved upon. Maybe a different phrase entirely would increase its awesomeness.
2) "We all have to learn someday." My gut is telling me that this line has something more to add to it, or that it could be shaped into something stronger.
3)" Don’t misinterpret me," For some reason, it seems like this line is out of place.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thanks a lot! I've been meaning to put up some new stuff

Posted 8 Years Ago


This is really interesting and beautiful. I liked it a lot. Keep writing! :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Fun poem

Nothing’s changed when dreams are tamed,
And caged and beat and forced to escape.
To find freedom with you.




Posted 8 Years Ago


Very nice read! Simple words, lot of meaning and beautifully strung in a nice flow.

Posted 8 Years Ago


I really liked this poem! It was a nice read! You wrote it very well and most of the time unless they tell me to show them punctuation mistakes I won't type them into the box. Anyway, a very nice poem. I enjoyed reading it. Good job and keep on writing!

Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on August 2, 2011
Last Updated on August 2, 2011

Author

Sbernie18
Sbernie18

Syracuse, NY



About
Hey, I'm from Syracuse. I write poetry, lyrics, a few short stories and longer stuff. I try to be as active as possible and review what I can. I love reading new poems and stories everyday so send me .. more..

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