Rivers & Waterways....  🦆 🐠 🛶

Rivers & Waterways.... 🦆 🐠 🛶

A Poem by Carola
"

i'm a greenie & love the untouched environment best of all.

"

© 2020 Carola


Author's Note

Carola
I've been writing this epic poem on & off for months now .....& finally gave birth to it !!
Is it too long do you think ?

Ps. In case someone wants to know, the photo is of the Murray River at Heading's Cliff near Renmark and Paringa, South Australia. click on the photo to enlarge.
photo credit : ILYA GENKIN. WWW.GENKIN.ORG

My Review

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Featured Review

Don’t you cut a thing... I kept thinking, as I was reading through, ah, there. That’s what writing is supposed,to be about. The joy of literature. Not Twitter. Not sound bites. The free rein of storytelling in which the narrator is touching their heart to yours.

I might make a couple of minor suggestions.

L9. compels should be compel
L12 It’s should read Its

But beyond that, I would leave it as is.

I’ve seen the Yarra River, you know, had tea alongside it. I’ve seen that side of the South China Sea and the Tasmanian Sea, with its tiny penguins. Your wildlife is handsome, and uniquely Australian.

Now I’m padding off to bed thinking of Oz. :):)

Night!

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Carola

5 Years Ago

having some problems posting.
i will make those amendments you suggested, thank you for revi.. read more



Reviews

Wow, there is awesome. I think that it is still ok for the length of the poem. I really amazed it

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

(1) Definitely NOT too long! This is a great in-depth dive into all the details & never being a bit repetitive, but evolving your message to mix it up . . . first, overview, then living things, then personalizing to your own locale, then making a statement about your beliefs/caring. This evolution of message is parallel to the way you used a gradient in the background -- brilliant! I would call this poetic prose, since it's more conversational than poetic. But in the middle section where you do living things, this is definitely poetic. This is my favorite part becuz it's such strong SHOW instead of tell. My least favorite part -- the first couple stanzas becuz it feels a little too pedantic, a little bit like a geology professor waxing poetic *wink! wink!* Great to be reading you again! Please never hesitate to guide me to something you want me to read, becuz with 100 read requests, I'm bound to get confused in the coming weeks! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Carola

4 Years Ago

thank you so much margie for your expansive explanation. i had never thought about the poem's struc.. read more
barleygirl

4 Years Ago

Here's how I get myself out of pedantic mode (still recovering after 30+ years of technical writing).. read more
The longtime efforts you've put into this clearly shows. Your keen eyes have seen a plethora of goings on in and around these various bodies of water, and now you share it all through inspired, written word. I share your fascination, and spent much of my youth fishing and exploring the many creeks, lakes, ponds and rivers around my obscure little speck on the globe. Later on, I became a sailor and breathed salt air from the Aegean to the South China sea, and everything between. Not that astrology has any validity, but I'm a Pisces. I much enjoyed reading this.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Carola

4 Years Ago

thanks for stopping by to read this epic poem.
not everyone likes these long ones, but just .. read more
Samuel Dickens

4 Years Ago

It's really not that long.
This is an epic narrative Carola. I can tell you love water and everything in it, as much as I do. You are definitely a lover of nature. This is a feast of descriptive writing, and you took me to many places. You gave me some spectacular imagery. You have enough material in this epic write for at least three poems but the call is yours. Long or shorter, it is the detail that I enjoyed so much. A wonderful read.

Chris

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Carola

5 Years Ago

you mean break up the poem ? or write new smaller poems, that thought has never even occurred to me... read more
Chris Shaw

5 Years Ago

Hi Carola, no I didn't mean breaking up this poem. The poem is written. What I meant is that you hav.. read more
Don’t you cut a thing... I kept thinking, as I was reading through, ah, there. That’s what writing is supposed,to be about. The joy of literature. Not Twitter. Not sound bites. The free rein of storytelling in which the narrator is touching their heart to yours.

I might make a couple of minor suggestions.

L9. compels should be compel
L12 It’s should read Its

But beyond that, I would leave it as is.

I’ve seen the Yarra River, you know, had tea alongside it. I’ve seen that side of the South China Sea and the Tasmanian Sea, with its tiny penguins. Your wildlife is handsome, and uniquely Australian.

Now I’m padding off to bed thinking of Oz. :):)

Night!

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Carola

5 Years Ago

having some problems posting.
i will make those amendments you suggested, thank you for revi.. read more
A wonderful poem shared dear Carola. I hope we learn. We share the wind, we share the water and we share the earth. I hope we learn ASAP. Thank you for sharing the powerful and worthwhile poetry.
Coyote

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Carola

5 Years Ago

thanks for stopping by to read & comment coyote 🙂
Coyote Poetry

5 Years Ago

I liked this poem and you are welcome Carola.

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