Tender Hearts

I feel like a first grader when it comes to writing about the heart, so feel free to slam me;

Tender Hearts

 

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A tiny tender heart pure and white,

So innocent and giving like dawn’s morning light

Every morning and late twilights twinkle

Lit up the world with smiles colored

like rainbows never-ending.

 

Flowers look upon her and gleam,

Prances ‘round daisys' and butterfly's wings,

Innocuous, intoxicating, exhilarating delight,

No one could compare to her parlor of dreams.

 

Amorous thief stole her bright shine,

Wiped his shiny shoes and said adieu,

Tears fell fast upon the earth and landslide

Took him asunder the hot burning earth,

 

Satan grinned for he excelled at his craft,

He asked why I am here, what did I do,

You split apart her heart and took her virtue,

Now she wears a veil, like you used to,

 

But she will dance again, unlike you.

The fires of love grows stronger every

Dawn and lights up the meadows with

Lilies that spawn laughter around the land,

 

You left her with blessings, and that I cannot stand!

So you will burn forever, searching for someone,

In the ashes of my darkness, I will give you my son,

Your filthy skin will melt like snow, for all eternity.

 

 So think twice young men, before you make a vow,

They are meant to be kept, so think carefully now.

Author's Note

Thanks to Ana, Will and Emily for help with my grammatical errors! Big Ooops! Will try to look much more carefully!

Reviews

[Sophy Freebirds]

ohh my!! Recently i was in dilemma whether to call my ex and wish him a new year... but now you have convinced me that i need to let him rot in hell for all i care!!
Talking seriously i like your power to weave such a lovely tale with a power of parable in it.. It gives the reader a delight . not only is the theme innocent but the style and usage of delicate phrases emphasize rhe purity. The flowers the fields the country setting give us a peaceful feeling.But the entry of Satan-Boom!! Makes the readers ready for a scary s**t! But it takes a turn and makes the devil pay.Thats really cool. :) i am happy i read you. *takecare*

~Sophy

[Confuser]

Sophy, it is for us to be kind; maybe not a good idea to call; but I wish you and everyone, happiness and peace. Thank you for reading; did this so quickly; you are a very good writer.

[Sophy Freebirds]

:-) i am humbled. thank you so much.Was a pleasure reading

[Confuser]

You are so kind. Thank you.

[Don't just B, but B ama..]

POWERFUL and well written, I love it. so many these days take love for granted or do not REALLY contemplate commitments before leaping from lust or short love.

[Emily]

Great write, builds up intensity very nicely. But the last line of the 6th stanza, should it be filthy skin instead of fifthly?

[Confuser]

Thank you Emily: I am embarassed that I made so many mistakes; I do need better reading glasses, but still...thank you so much.

[Emily]

It happens to all of us. You should see my typos on first drafts! :)

[Confuser]

Emily, from now on my fonts, before I post will be 20. I changed glasses with my husband too strong (reading), but that's not all; I'm not used to writing and should take my time; you are kind!

[Chris]

Themes are always such black and white - til they aren't. Life isn't a book, be it bible or Koran or encyclopedia. People justify everything - it's how they survive even the "good". Where does fault truly lay? Who really teaches personal responsibility, understanding, and perceptions to all children and equally? And who ensures the lessons are learned and applied? Who says "...no..." and who teaches the shades of gray?

Ever see your mother throw away the dandelions you gave her? "See" Santa Claus? Laugh at "awkwardness" in a sitcom? Try to learn the "rules" of a new schoolyard? Play the politics in your workplace? Hazed a newb with your "superior" knowledge? or all the myriad of other happenings continually being performed - daily, hourly ...minute-by-minute. I really wonder how many would truly survive a black and white world...

[Confuser]

I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you mean; and I suppose that's the point. To me this was a simple clique poem, something I don't like to do, but tried. Maybe, there is a shade of grey, somewhere in there, maybe not, please don't judge me on one poem. Wow, Thank you for reading, I think.

[Chris]

Dale, there was no "blame" or dinging nor judgement on you. I picked up immediately on the commonality of the "morality" style.

To me however - current events overtook this poem and the innocence empowered the deaths in France.

[Confuser]

I guess like when someone says (an adult) my heart is broken, and I say, hey my daughter is awaiting a heart transplant, so I don't want to hear it. Something like that? I suppose, I've felt like saying that, but I wouldn't. Hey, have a great day.

[Chris]

something like that... chuckling here. You have a sweet day as well.

[Confuser]

I will, but my daughter awaiting a heart transplant: w/o she will die, so I'm not chuckling. The world doesn't stop when terrible things happen. You can write about it much better than me. Now you have a great day.

[Chris]

Well - Reality is a harsh mistress and your surviving the stress of waiting is what you do as you can... I DO hope all goes well and am sorry that circumstance has even forced the need for such concerns to be in your and your family's lives. Sometimes the appearance of sarcasm brings sarcasm in return and I think you do know inside I don't give hurtful comments intendedly. Nuff said, be well and take care.

[Sadashivan Nair]

You left her burning that I can't stand. So you will burn...... Sooooooooooooooh it's avenging dirty guy. Like it

[bsheph06]

I like the poem, great imagery and a great warning to the heartbreakers out there.

[Onyia-Ali, Kingsley Chu..]

R words really move. The arrangement of stanzas was done well. The content is good and educative. Well done.

[Sami Khalil]

I love all your writes. No pun intended. They are great and touching even very informative about love and other subjects...:)............

[willweb]

Some make promises as a way to win, other's make promises they intend to keep. The message in this is understood and wonderfully offered. No slamming needed here and a 1st grader...not likely.

[Olumegbon]

You don't write like a first grader but a Phd holder, love your writing... Keep it up.

[Confuser]

Olumebon, thank you, but you are a wonderful writer. Poems of love are very difficult for me. Please read, on my friends list Richard Beevor, Pushkar, Rudi, so, so many great writers here.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Love is so strong. Even the devil can't destroy it. He can test us with terrible things, taking away what we cherish, but eventually if we don't lose love in our heart, we will prevail. The warning at the end is a sign that afterwards we are even stronger. Very deep, there's a bit of a poetical anger in it. Very good, Dale.
:) Rudi