Never Say Die- Chapter 27

 

Chapter 27

 

 

            After three more days I didn't receive any other texts other than “I love you” each morning, I didn't respond, I just waited for him to come see me but I was getting frustrated with the daily message that told me what I already knew. I just wanted to know that we were going to be ok so why didn't he just come tell me what was on his mind?

            After five days the texts stopped and by seven days I was beside myself with worry; his conversation with my father had given me hope that he’d come to see me sometime soon. I was feeling well enough to move around fairly freely with much less pain.

            So on that seventh day, instead of resting, I pulled on an old pair of jeans and his U of Wharton hoodie sweatshirt that I'd borrowed while we were in Seattle and forgot to give back, pulled my hair into a rough ponytail, threw on a pair of sunglasses, got in my car and drove to the coffee shop.

            I had no idea what I was going to say if I saw him, part of me was angry at him for not coming to see me but another part told me that he needed to accept things in his own time. It was a battle against myself and I just wanted to end it.

            I pulled up to the curb, barely waiting to turn the car off before I was unbuckled and getting out of my seat. I looked through the window and there he was, in all of his beautiful manliness clearing and wiping down tables. His back was to me and I stood there for a minute just looking at him, not entirely sure I wasn't just dreaming.

            Just as I stepped out of my car to head toward the door I saw Veronica walk into the coffee shop, Rhys turned around at the sound of the door opening and I found that she was blocking my view of him and vice versa. She went up and tried to give him an awkward hug that he really didn't seem to want, so instead she tried to strike up a conversation that he was clearly not interested in.

            This surprised me because things between us all had been fairly normal since she’d met Armistead and there was nothing in her movements that suggested that she was reverting to her old ways. But he stood there looking at the ground, scratching his head the way he does when he's uncomfortable and I was screaming in my head, Look at me! Forget about her and just look at me!

            And suddenly he did, as he looked up and gazed in my direction, his eyes widened in surprise and you could almost see the mute button in his head as he tuned Veronica out completely, side stepped her in mid-sentence and walked toward the door. I went to stand in front of it as he burst through and then stopped short.

            “Saydie.” was all he said looking as if he wasn't sure I was real.

            “Hi Rhys.” was all I could think of to say.

            “What are you doing here?”

            “I...I um, I came to talk to you...” I trailed off wondering if I sounded like a stalker or something equally creepy.

            “But you haven't answered my texts, I sent you one every day for 5 days after Flan said you’d woken up and you never answered. I thought you didn't want to talk.” I stared at him for a moment not knowing what to say.

            “I thought you were letting me know that you still loved me even though you were working things out so I wanted to give you your space.”

            Suddenly he began to laugh, “You thought it was like a daily reminder?” he was shaking with laughter now and I was terribly confused.

            “I don't understand, it wasn't just a message to...” I trailed off again, he wasn't just telling me to give him time?

            “Saydie that was my way of trying to make up with you. You really didn't know that? I thought you'd changed your mind about being with me now that you're different or something.” I shook my head as tears stung my eyes and I smiled a little.

            “I really thought you just wanted more time.” I said a little embarrassed. “So you've made your decision then? You're good with whatever you've decided?” he nodded.

            “So what is it?” I asked, suddenly terrified of the answer.

            “I love you Saydie, I want to be with you no matter what.”

            “So you're sure that you're okay with what I am and the job I have to do?”

            He sighed heavily, not a good sign. “I don't know if I’m okay with it but I'm not okay with not being with you.”

            A sudden wave of sadness washed over me as I realized that I wasn't okay with his answer. The words that came out of my mouth next surprised me even more than they probably surprised him.

            “Having to tell you my secret was a really big thing for me Rhys, I've shared more with you than I've ever shared with anyone, even Flan. But if you can't be sure that you're okay with what I am then I can't be with you, I could change anything else about myself to help you deal but I can't change what I am. I don't want to ever be with anyone else but I want to be with you when you can fully accept all of me. Isn't that what love is all about?” I looked at him with eyes pleading for understanding.

            “Yeah I guess it is. Saydie I'm sorry, it’s just a lot to take in you know?” I nodded.

            “Yes I do know and it's also a lot to share and ask a person to accept no matter how much they love you or you them.” I lowered my voice, “It took more than two hundred years for love to find me and now that it has, I want it all or nothing. I hope you can understand that.” He nodded but said nothing, I wasn't sure that he'd quite absorbed what I was saying.

            I brought my fingers to his face and gently caressed his cheek, taking in every part of him in this moment, “I'll still be here if you find that you can accept me, until then I think its best that we not see each other for a while, anything else would just be too hard.” I said, fighting back tears while my heart shattered into little pieces in my chest.

            “Saydie, please don't go.” He begged quietly, moving to stand closer to me. “I can't live without you...” his words trailed off as I tried as hard as I could to keep my face expressionless.

He stared at me open-mouthed as I shook my head and then turned and walked back to my car.  Once I was safely in and behind the safety of the window tinting, I couldn't hold back the tears any longer and they streamed down my face as I quickly pulled out of the space and sped back home without looking back to see him standing there, watching me drive away like I'd just taken his heart with me.

 

            Flan met me at the door with arms wide open and I fell into them, no longer holding anything back and sobbing for everything I'd just walked away from, a new life, love, and Rhys himself.

            “You promised Flan! In Vegas you promised that we were meant to be together and that everything would be alright in the end.” I cried as my tears fell on her shirt, my legs gave out and she slid to the floor with me, we sat just inside the door, not making it any further into the house.

            “Then obviously it's not the end yet.” she said confidently as she stroked my hair and pulled my face up to look at her.

            “Just because it didn't go the way you expected it to today, doesn't mean that it never will. I know I'm right about this Saydie, he'll come around.” The hope I should have felt at her words never came, I wasn't sure how confident I was in her vision anymore, but instead of challenging it I just let her hold me while I cried myself out.

            It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all I thought, trying to unsuccessfully comfort myself with the words.

            The person who came up with that crap has never had a broken heart Flan thought back, surprising me.

            “I didn't realized I'd shared that.” I said aloud, looking up at her.

            “You didn't, I just wanted to make sure you weren't more upset than you're letting on.” she smiled down at me and I couldn't stop the smile that tugged at my lips. I was too upset about what had just happened to be bothered by her invasion of my mind.

            “I don't know what to do now, I just need him to accept all of me.” I said sadly wiping my tears with the back of my hand and reaching over to grab a tissue from a box on a nearby table before curling into a ball, wrapping my arms around my legs and leaning against the wall next to the door.

            “The same thing you've done your whole life, you wait.” she said with certainty.

And with that I decided that was the only thing to do. I would never love anyone else the way I loved him, if things were meant to work out then they would. I'd waited over two centuries for him to find me, waiting a few months or even years for him to make up his mind was no time at all compared to that, or was it? One way or another I was going to find out.

            “Never say die, right?” I looked up at her and smiled weakly through my tears as I took her hand in mine.

            “Never say die.” She replied.

At least we still had each other, no matter what happened.

After all, that’s what best friends are for and despite everything else that I’d lost, I was thankful that a friendship with Flan was the one thing I’d found.