Cinder-Fellow

Can Cinder-fellow find his true love?

I sit here cleaning,
and watching my life pass me by
week after week, day after day
I'm here, waiting for a breakthrough

Evil has taken over my heart,
no love can enter because of my step dad and stepbrothers;
I once knew love,
I knew love like leaves know trees,
always being there...
I knew it all until my brother took over
and captured my one true love

Until a wise old man came into the castle
and saw me in my drunken misery,
he said

"Why isn't a young man like you going to the ball?"

"Because I am not allowed to go."

After those words I was in a custom made suit
then a carrot turned into a carriage,
and three blind mice turned into horseman
I looked for the man to thank him,
but he was no where to be found
as we were leaving a faint voice called out to me and said:

"Be back at midnight young son"

I said "I will" as the carriage progressed forward...

I walked into the room... everything was in its place...
the music,
the guests,
everything...everything except the one true beauty sitting by herself,
so I walked over to her and said

"Can I have this dance?"

She said yes, and I led her to the floor,
it was as if the earth stood still
as we danced the night away,

She led me to the fountain outside the building
and unmasked me...
I couldn't believe it... it was her!
my first true love here with me
we kissed and it was just as good as the first,
we ran off at midnight back to my room in my castle
so things could remain as magical as the night had been

Author's Note

I'm not sure why I'm changing classics. Thanks for your reviews! :)

Reviews

[DeadToTheWorld]

Many people have tried to flip the coin on many classics....to see the other side of a persons view...it takes skill to do such things especially when the piece of writing is well known....this was a perfect write to have been fliped around...not many people are as good....you did a splendid job...

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I felt that having a male so isolated and bound up made it powerful
because the prince is usually the one to save the day. Sweet work.
I like how you inverted the archetypes here.

[CagedBIRDsings]

An intresting twist to the original Cinderella story but I have to say, I prefer your version. Creative and Wonderfully written...I am definately shelving this one

[Jibin]

Hopeful ending , i love this....
:)

[felioness]

...aah i luv happy endings and i am a sucker for fairy tales! well done1

[dreaming dame]

Man. lol I really like it! new. but still alike. :)

[Kat24]

hi,
this is really good. Kat24

[Kenneth Sibbett]

This was really good. Putting dialog in a poem to me is very hard to do, and you did it great!

[Dahlia Phoenix]

Nice way to put it. Always having women play the role who suffer and endure the difficulties. Why not men too? We are the same no matter what they want to say.

[Kathryn]

It's fantastic! I really love how you flipped the story of that first dance to have a happy ending, rather than the same-old clock strikes twelve carry on. Beautifully done :)

[Sunni Davis]

Very nice twist on a classic story. My favorite line was "I once knew love/I knew love like leaves know trees. Great visuals!