With Pain Comes Success

I Wrote this when I was Fifteen as a short poem Read and Tell me what you think

Ambitions to succeed

With the determination of a hundred solider

Hindered by visions of death tears and pain 

That I've Encounter during the short years 

that I've walk the lonely earth

Visions of Pain 

That cannot be erased 

Only For The Success to poke Its 

Weary head through the concerete of my soul

Chanting with pain comes success

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems
Review please opinions and bare in mind I was fifteen thank you

Reviews

[BLACKCRUSH]

If you read my profile I really dont care about grammer its about art.

" Ambitions to succeed with determination of a hundred soldier, Hindered by death tears and pain "

I picked the first two lines because I feel that you are correct when you say that death , pain , and tears hinder people from achieving there dreams.

When you are nutured in a enviorment that does everthing it can to make sure cant succeed you are almost guarnteed to fail.



I think this was a great piece , you were writing about what was on your mind. I't had a great flow and tone. Nicely done.

[Revenge<3'sMe]

Wonderfully amazing. And this is true, with pain does come success, even if it takes forever. Pain is worth it, to make it to what you've wanted for a long time. I loved it. :)

[sheila russ]

Awesome I really like this poem, your words for this piece was chosen with such wisdom.

[KAREN]

You did a fine job my friend! Pain does bring success I hope!!

[Obbligato]

This poem take the deep need to succeed and puts into a form of which you can truly picture it. With the words and imagery used I can almost see the battle of the mind taking place. The inner need to succeed. Its like your fighting yourself. Trying to fend of the natural urges. Distractions, wasting time, laziness etc its all here but rolled into the metaphors that you've created. The past being a depicted as a hindrance to the future. This Poem shows the need to succeed via any means. I wonder if this person is willing to do anything for that success. Its almost like their past has been so dire that they are prepared to do anything to reach what they see as success, like they have become numb to the world and see their goal as the only thing worth living for. Does that also mean that they will do that regardless of what others do? Regardless of people standing in their way? Would this person kill to get what they want? Or is this just someone in the height or their rage and frustration, making promises to themselves that they wont fail, only for all these emotions to calm down at a later date. This is what many people go through everyday. Will they make it? Will they reach their goal? This poem catches that feeling well. Only thing that I would ask you after you've written this is how will you get to where your going?

[SilentLullabies]

I love the imagery in your poem ^-^

[I-smile]

I wonder what inspired you to write this..
well nonetheless, nicely written despite the age.
=)

[PaperHearts]

Wow! I really liked this write. There was so much inspiration and strength in this piece that I admired, as well as a real sense of maturity and wisdom that I thought was quite rare for a 15 year old. I liked the wording of this poem, and the imagery that you created through that, in particular the part about the one hundred soldiers. There were a few errors here and there in terms of grammar, but other than that, this was a pretty solid write. Nice work,
~PaperHearts

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

This was masterfully wrote! Well done!

[Chipgirl]

wow real powerful word and emotions shown here well done

[Goofy Llama]

omg that is amazing!!! and so true and i felt a connection.