A Savior's Tale

A Savior's Tale

A Poem by Lorrie

You were told of my coming
yet you did not believe
I came in the night
a star to guide thee.
Three wisemen came
bearing gifts for me
An angry king ordered
his men to destroy me.
To Egypt we did flee
a new place to live for me
Doing my Father's work was I 
talking to men who
were listening to me.
I grew strong and lean
baptized by John
in the Jordan River you see,
only then did the Holy Ghost
descend upon me.
I walked and I taught
a fisher of men you see
one, two, three
in all twelve followed me.
I spoke in parables
performed miracles to see
I bled from every pore
in the garden of Gethsemane.
Betrayed by a kiss
by a friend to me.
I was crucified
Now do you believe?

© 2009 Lorrie


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I really like the fact that you used God and I like your use of situations that he was in. One suggestion would be to find words other than me for your alternating poetry so that it can draw the reader in. I started focusing more on the "me" rather than the other lines of the poetry because I was anticipating it. I can definitely see a rhythm pattern, but I would try to make it a little more cohesive. All in all, awesme job :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.



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Reviews

Wonderful work

Posted 8 Years Ago


I really like the fact that you used God and I like your use of situations that he was in. One suggestion would be to find words other than me for your alternating poetry so that it can draw the reader in. I started focusing more on the "me" rather than the other lines of the poetry because I was anticipating it. I can definitely see a rhythm pattern, but I would try to make it a little more cohesive. All in all, awesme job :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Iz
Lor, I absolutely love this poem. I still get goosebumps reading it. I honestly believe you need to publish your poetry.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i have to say very well done indeed keep it up hun :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 29, 2009
Last Updated on June 19, 2009

Author

Lorrie
Lorrie

Paragould, AR



About
I am happily married to a wonderful man. I have a daughter who is a fantastic artist and a son who is graduating high school this year. I am an avid lover of chihuahuas and share my home with two of t.. more..

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