Serpentes (translation below)

Hope you like it :)

Serpentes hipocritas afogam

O ar em puro veneno

Sufocando-se a si mesmas

Com uma maldade irracional.

Picam-se com raiva e odio,

Deramando o sangue

Dos seus semelhantes.

Mal percebem, cegas de odio,

Que a desprotegida ratazana

Tornou-se um perigoso leao

Pronto ao mortal ataque.

TRANSLATION

Title: Snakes

Hypocrite snakes sink

The air in pure poison

Smothering themselves by themselves

With an irrational evilness.

They bite themselves with anger and hatred,

Dropping the blood

Of their fellow.

They don't even notice, blind by hatred,

That the unprotected mouse

Became a dangerous lion

Ready for the mortal attack.

Author's Note

This poem was written thinking of my high school mates, we are supposed to be a team, ready to help each other ! Still we are snakes ! Always fighting each other ! we don't notice that if we work as a team we can definitely win the battle, teachers are alone, we are in 20 ! It would be like a battle between 20 snakes and a single unprotected mouse, the result would be 20 happy snakes sharing a meal ! Still, since we fight each other all the time, the easy task becomes unbearable and the unprotected mouses which are our teachers become dangerous lions ready to kill us all !
Originally written in Portuguese,
please try to read it in the original, even though the translation is good, it doesn't save much of the original poem (starting from metrica which has been complitely destroyed with the translation).

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I liked the whole development of the verse...gets the point across --- your author's note does more to even out the understatement of the entirety of this work...reminds me of Marine Corps boot camp...we started with 126 and ended with 56...working as a team is difficult --- yet achieve able...not everyone will survive to the end...only those who are willing to give and take...for the outcome...

[Frieda P]

Excellent, brings me back to those days, but not much changes from high school believe me, those who are snakes, remain snakes, killer finish!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Excellent poetry my friend,in both languages.In life it is a constant struggle.People who are supposed to have your back are the ones who wait gleefully for your downfall :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for sharing the poem in both languages. You are lucky to be able to write poetry in more than one language. The poem told a tale with a bad ending. No weakness in the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Oh wow. This is awesome. I love the comparison of your high school classmates to snakes. ~mean as snakes~ I have used that simile many times before. There are a lot of snakes. I know of some in my grade too. They can't be nice worth anything and it's ridiculous to me. We all want that perfect idea of a "perfect" class and work together but what happens in reality is....bickering and fights. Friendships torn apart and disciplines written up. A lot of chaos for nothing pretty much. I am a neutral person. I don't fight and I don't stick to a particular side either. I like to stray away from drama. Snakes, in reality, frighten me a lot. I despise them so much. This was penned well. I only noticed one grammatically incorrect English error. "theirselves" isn't a word. It must be "themselves." Otherwise, excellent. :) like always.

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Thank you very much for your kind review !!
I apologize for the horrible mistake :( I was in such a hurry I just didn't notice it !

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Oh don't apologize. We all make mistakes, plus it is a minor mistake. Nothing to throw the whole poem off or anything. Excellent job once again. You're welcome. ;)