The fault in our stars (translation below)

The fault in our stars (translation below)

A Poem by 外人 (Gaijin)

Implodam-se todas as malditas estrelas
Que insistem em declarar entre nos 
Uma guerra que não quero combater.

De que vale-me meu infeliz zodiaco
Se de teu coração fecha-me a entrada?
Deixe que com um devoto beijo
Despoje-me do signo que te é tão hostil.

Conceda-me o brilho dos teus olhos
E de outras estrelas não necessitarei.
Acolhe-me em teus braços e
No teu corpo desenharei
O meu novo mapa astral.

Mais benefica é pra mim a tua voz
Que qualquer alinhamento planetario,
Mais querido o teu carinho
Que qualquer astrologico milagre.
Implodam-se todas as estrelas pois
Es tu meu signo, lua e ascendente.

(English translation)
May all those cursed stars, that
Insist in declaring between us
A war I don't want to fight, implode.

What is my miserable zodiac worth
If it closes me the entry to your heart?
Let me with a devoted kiss
Undress me of this sign that is so hostile to you.

Give me the brightness of your eyes
And I won't need any other star.
Welcome me in your arms and
On your body I will draw
My new astrological chart.

More beneficial is to me your voice
Than any planetary alignment,
Dearer your affection
Than any astrological miracle.
May all the stars implode as
It's you my sign, moon and ascendant.    

© 2017 外人 (Gaijin)


Author's Note

外人 (Gaijin)
I have recently fallen in love. Apparently my zodiac sign and hers are completely incompatible. Unfortunately she believes in the stars. Here is my view on the matter ...

My Review

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Featured Review

I'm not good at critiquing poetical things, but I will say simply that I love your work here. I also agree with your message here. Why should a star sign determine if two people end up together? What difference does the month of your birth make? Love is more important than zodiac signs if you ask me.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much ! A poetry critique is nice but a good empathic feedback is way better so thanks f.. read more



Reviews

This is an adorable love story, both your poem & the author's note reveal. The strongest part is the way you pick the "stars" analogy & then stick to it, using a whole sky full of astrological terms thru-out. This is so playful & loving -- it shows instead of telling. One of my favorite lines:
"On your body I will draw my new astrological chart" -- & I'm jealous of your bilingual talents! May the stars always be aligned for you two. (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much ! :D
I'm afraid, though, the stars are completely hostile to us. Apparentl.. read more
Thanks for sending me this read request. I really enjoyed reading this poem, especially after reading the Author's Note.

You have expressed yourself very creatively in what is a very unfortunate situation. I hope everything works out for you two.

Yari

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much ! I hope the same and I have hope. It would just be helpful if I didn’t feel lik.. read more
I'm not good at critiquing poetical things, but I will say simply that I love your work here. I also agree with your message here. Why should a star sign determine if two people end up together? What difference does the month of your birth make? Love is more important than zodiac signs if you ask me.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much ! A poetry critique is nice but a good empathic feedback is way better so thanks f.. read more
This is amazing to read. You are VERY good. :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

2 Years Ago

Thank you very much indeed ! :)
I really don't know how You could turn Your problem into a really wonderful poem! I could feel Your imploring so tenderly and clearly, Your gentle yearning and soft wanting, I think You really did great work in such an interesting theme, and I don't think it was easy writing it, BTW, was it Spanish, the language above?

All I can do is wish You both the very very best!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your kind words, my friend !! :D I’m afraid that my best poems come out of s.. read more
Light🌟

2 Years Ago

Oh! I so understand!! but I'm so sure one day the amount of Your happiness will shine into words, an.. read more
That is the English translation...?!?! I can barely handle ONE language... This is simply astounding... Your handle on turn of phrase and relatability is superb... My miserable zodiac sign is worth... A beautiful write...

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much !!!! Yep, I swear it’s a translation, I originally conceived this in Portuguese .. read more
Silente-Write

2 Years Ago

Welp... Essentially... I mean that the words you use, and your stylistic approach at presenting it.... read more
Silente-Write

2 Years Ago

Bang-up job, mate... I do not think I will be writing anything in dual language anytime soon, hah..... read more
I liked the use of the two languages. I liked the positive energy of your words and the hope for love blessing.
"Welcome me in your arms and
On your body I will draw
My new astrological chart."
The above lines. Amazing and perfect. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote


Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

2 Years Ago

Thank you, my friend, for your kind review :D I really appreciate !
Coyote Poetry

2 Years Ago

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.

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Added on October 31, 2017
Last Updated on October 31, 2017

Author

外人 (Gaijin)
外人 (Gaijin)

London, United Kingdom



About
Why do I call myself 外人? 外人 is a foreigner, an outsider, therefore we're all, no matter what, 外人. We all live as foreigners in-between two worlds: The wor.. more..

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