Daily Life

What they doing in daily

-Aray

The alarm clock rings, its 6am. I sit up and turn the alarm off. I shrug my dark blue hair while stand and walk to the bathroom, still yawning. I wash my face then look at my reflection with my purple eyes. Huh… boring.. A mark appears on my chest. A pair of white feather wings. Am I really a light angel? I am deep in my tough when suddenly my phone rings.

“Yes?” I picked my phone up

“I though you’re still sleeping” answered someone “I bet you’re still at bed”

“You wrong, Dave” I’m sighing “I want to take a bath and I am at bathroom right now”

“Good then, you can be late. Why you always come late?” said Dave

“It’s whatever me! Well, now I have reason why I come late” I tease him

“Okay, I won’t got punishment because of you. Go take a bath then” he closes the phone

I throw my phone to the bed and then take a bath. I grab my special clothe and wear it. I open my wings, white feather wings, and fly from the window.

“Hi,” Dave walks to me “Are you ready for the duty?” he is my partner

“I can’t say no..” I shrug my hair. I’m lazy with those things..

“Don’t be too lazy.” I can hear his strict voice as usual

“I know…” we walk to observation room

            

Our job is watching humans. Giving them luck or punish, depends on what they do and what they have done. Recording they daily activities and leading them to their destiny. Unfortunately, I have no power to harm human. My main power is healing. I even can heal someone’s heart that fully wounded. Why I have this power? I even in pain because of this power and I cure human’s pain?!

            

At 6pm, my duty is over. It’s been really tiring and boring for me. Dave and I report to the main officer and then fly to our home. When I arrived home, I just lay to my bed. The mark at my chest appears and it feels burns a bit, I don’t know why.

-Theo

I take my dinner and look at the clock. Ah, its 6pm. Almost the time I gotta work. I finish my dinner and go to bathroom to take a bath. After taking bath, I brush my teeth and wash my face. I see my reflection on the mirror with my light brown eyes. Suddenly a mark appears on my chest, black feather wings. Night angel… I touch the mark, it burns a bit and disappear. I don’t understand with this mark. Like this is really a curse.

            

I wear my clothe and open my wings then fly from the window. Looking at silent night, feel the cold wind. Seeing humans right now so peaceful, they don’t know what will happen. We may come to bring nightmare.

“Ah, Theo” someone greets me

“Rodhi.. You always be early” I walk to him

“Of course. If I have duty, I will finish it really well and do no mistake” he smile in proud

“You’re the best in doing duties..” I smile to him “I’m glad being a rank one’s partner” oh, I lie.

“I’m glad to be your partner too” he walks to main officer “Let’s start our duty today”

            

We take a list from main officer. In the list, there’s much name we should meet the person. There’s note also that what our purpose to meet with the person. Whether we give nightmare, or kidnap, or even kill them.

            

At the very last name, I found the person and Rodhi do his job. He wakes the human and holds the human’s movement. The human scream loudly and Rodhi rips its neck. I even won’t see what happen. Slowly, the scream becomes really pitiful voice. I can’t hear the voice, I cover up my ears with my hands.

“Hey, you still not used to it?” he fly to me while smile teasingly

“…….” I don’t answer, I just look another way

“I just give pain to the human. Its body have no mark that I’ve been hurting it” he chuckles

“But, still…” I say in low voice. I fly back home “Our duty is finish, right? Then I go home.”

“Okay… Thanks for today work, Theo..” He flies away

            

I arrived home. My chest still really hurt because of what happen today. I still can hear such some pitiful voice. Give them pain, just giving myself pain also. The mark on my chest appears and it burns a bit.

Reviews

[Totoro-Sama]

1. while "I" stand and walk to the bathroom
2. I wash my face "and" then look at my reflection
3. I am deep in my tough when suddenly my phone rings. - "I am deep in thought when suddenly my phone rings"?
4. You miss a few periods. (Ignore me if it's intentional there)
5. I though"t" you’re still sleeping
6. “I bet you’re still "in" bed”
7. “I want to take a bath and I am "in" bathroom right now”
8. “Good then, you can be late. Why you always come late?” - Should it say "will be late"?
9. “It’s whatever me! Well, now I have reason why I come late” - No idea what that means?
10. “Okay, I won’t "get" punishment because of you. Go take a bath then”
11. I throw my phone "at" the bed
12. Giving them luck or punish - "Giving them luck or punishing them"? Be parallel.
13. Recording "their" daily activities and leading them to their destiny.
14. I have no power to harm human. - "I do not have the power to harm humans"?
15. I even can heal someone’s heart that fully wounded. - "I can even heal a fully wounded heart"?
16. Why I have this power? I even in pain because of this power and I cure human’s pain?! - " Why do I have this power? I am in pain because of it and I still have the right to cure the pain of human's?" ?
17. When I arrived home, I just lay "on" my bed.
18. The mark at my chest appears and it feels burns a bit, I don’t know why. - Remove "feels". Instead of comma, put a ";"

The first part is really interesting! I love laid-back guys like Aray!
Sorry if my corrections seem harsh.
I shall move on to the second part.

1. Ah, its 6pm. Almost the time I gotta work - "Almost time to work"?
2. I finish my dinner and go to "the" bathroom to take a bath. After taking "a" bath, I brush my teeth and wash my face.
3. Suddenly a mark appears on my chest, black feather wings. - instead of "," should be ":"
4. I touch the mark, it burns a bit"," and disappear"s".
5. I don’t understand with this mark. Like this is really a curse. - Remove "with" and "like"?
6. I wear my clothe"s", open my wings"," then fly from the window. - removed "and"
7. Looking at "a / the" silent night, feel the cold wind. - Pick "a" or "the"
8. Seeing humans right now so peaceful, they don’t know what will happen. - Could be "Seeing the humans right now, surrounded by tranquility ... they never know what could happen"?
9. “Rodhi.. You always be early” - You should be "You're"
10. “Of course. If I have duty, I will finish it"," and "make" no mistake” he smile proud"ly" - removed a few words and added some.
11. “You’re the best in doing duties..” I smile to him “I’m glad being a rank one’s partner” oh, I lie.
a) LOL. HE LIED! Sorry, I found that interesting.
b) "You're the best "at" doing duties"? Not sure about this one.
c) The last part could be : "I'm glad to be the partner of you, who is ranked number one"?
12. “I’m glad to be your partner too” - "too" could be "as well"?
13. In the list, there’s much name we should meet the person. - No idea what it means.
14. There’s note "explaining" our purpose "of meeting"; whether we give "a" nightmare, or "a" kidnap, or "a death"? Trying to remain parallel.
15. At the very last name, I found the person and Rodhi do his job. - Could be : "When we reached the last name, I found the person, and Rodhi did his job"
16. He wakes the human and "restrains him/her".
17. The human scream loudly and Rodhi rips its neck. I even won’t see what happen. - "The human screams loudly as Rodhi rips its neck. I cannot bear to see this happen"?
18. Slowly, the scream becomes "a" really pitiful voice.
19. he fly to me while smile teasingly - [ He "flied" to me while "he teasingly smiled"? ]
20. “I just give pain to the human. Its body have no mark that I’ve been hurting it” he chuckles - Could it be ... I may be off in meaning : "I just gave the human pain. I didn't leave a mark from the order"?
21. “Our duty is finish, right? Then I go home.” - "Our duty is finished right"? ; "I will go home".
22. My chest still really hurt because of what happen today. - "My chest still really hurts from what I saw"?
23. "I still can hear such some pitiful voice." - "I can still hear the pitiful voice"?
24. "Give them pain, just giving myself pain also." - "When I give them pain, I give myself pain as well"?

Phew. Okay. There is my full read! I hope that I didn't seem too harsh! These are just suggestions! You can fully ignore if you want! I LOVE the story! Keep writing! I will be here to read!

[Hibiki]

whooa.. my grammar still bad ><
There's no more reason to make my english teacher strict to me

[Totoro-Sama]

Hahahhaa. Sorry if I seemed so harsh xD
Some of them (my corrections) may just be opinionated ...
Sorry >.< I must have sounded so picky.

[Hibiki]

it's okay~~
Thank you to read it and very much to give me the correction~!
Thank you very much ^^

[Totoro-Sama]

Heehee. It's no problem.
Just know that I am very interested in your story.
I will stick around and continue to read and review .. if you would like me to xD

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

This is very interesting, I can't wait to read more of it. :-)

Kaze~ :-)

[Bluefire]

I love that the dark gloomy guy is the Light angel,
And the bright nice guy is the Night angel.
I see where you need to do some editing, and work on your English.
It also could use more detail.
Anywho, I like the story a lot!