Safe Under the Covers

This is just a little something that I had to do for my english class around Halloween. My teacher loved it, so why not share it with y'all?

Tonight’s like every other night.  You lay there, in the dark and silence, alone, with no company other than you thoughts.  You shift and roll throughout your bed, just you and your thoughts.  You ponder, you plan, and fantasize: anything to distract you from the ringing silence, silence that surrounds you.  

You hear a creak, a common sound on such a still night, but you still recoil when the sound reaches your ears.  You hear this same exact sound every night. But the sheer unexpectedness sets off a trigger in your head, as paranoia begins to take over.  The things that once illuminated your thoughts, have now darkened.  What was once pleasure and success has now turned into demons and killers.  

The silence that your mind was distracting you from has now become the focus.  You lay there, silent, listening to any obscure sound, hoping that the silence doesn't leave.  Every little noise adds to your paranoia, and the silence lingers as you await the next unexpected occurrence.  You're too scared to open your eyes, afraid of seeing what your mind can conjure.  You lay there in fear.  

You might have developed nyctophobia,....or is it just your paranoia?

The fear builds in your mind as you try to find a quick escape from whatever it creates.  You revert to your childhood solution, hiding under the covers.  You pull the covers over your head, and lay in silence.  You hear noises, but they don't seem as scary.  You figure they don't see you, that you're safe.  The heat builds up under your blanket, but you put up with it, simply for the comfort it supplies.  You begin to calm down and relax, and revert back to your usual logical self.  

It's just you and your thoughts again, alone, under the blankets.  You think of how silly it was to get so scare over a silly, little noise.  Eyes closed, you lift the blanket off your face as the built up heat is released.  You breathe a sigh of relief, and roll over, only to hear a deep, grating voice whisper, “Oh, there you are,” as the sounds of footsteps creeps towards your bed.

Reviews

[Ioanna Engarhos]

As I was reading this I got chills. Amazing. I loved the repetition you used with the character being alone with their thoughts. It put me on edge and at the same time comforted me, until the very end. I wonder, could be a possibility that the thoughts is what speaks to the character at the end? After all, children get scared over things in their head, not real life. That was just my angle of it. Really good :)

[Alao Taiwo]

For me; Keywords or keyphrases are: "Tonight is just like every other nights", demons and killers, nyctophobia

Statement of problem; it could be a " face of war, the hunting face of innocence or whatever that means... blah blah blah"

Justification
???
Recommendation
Mentoring or mentorship, Adventure

[Coyote Poetry]

A very nice tale shared my friend. I liked the thoughts leading to the logical ending. Thank you for sharing the amazing tale. I liked this one.
Coyote

[Geodan]

I love the unexpected twist at the end. Great work.

[barleygirl]

I love this fun journey from scared to calm, with a nice twist at the end! Good job of using simply the everyday aspects of being alone in the dark, rather than fabricating drama . . . your simple approach is intense & believable. I was transfixed while reading from start to finish. I love learning new words & this one sent me to google: nyctophobia! Toward the end of paragraph 2, this sentence felt a little repetitive with the word "thoughts" being used as a circular description: "The thoughts that once illuminated your thoughts" . . . but other than that, everything else is in your usual strong writing style! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Cherrie Palmer]

To fun, I am a firm believer that a scary story should read as if it were a fireside tale. Great job.

[Paul Bell]

Like it.
In the night when silence sounds.
Walk the ghosts of battlegrounds.
Amazing how your mind works, when quiet squeaks suddenly manifest into the mad axe murderer.
Only saved when the voice shouts. Stop reading those horror stories.

[Wonderland Asylum]

This actually did not manifest from any stories that I've read, I just wrote the words that came to my mind.

[Paul Bell]

Did the axe murderer know this.

[Wonderland Asylum]

Lol, maybe he did, maybe he didn't,(looks around suspiciously)

[emmajoy]

My goodness, you've tip-tilted your tale in a way, set sail the story before it begins. Tis an increasing drum roll that slowly echoes into calm before - A brilliant concept, precise phrasing, hints and clues, colour and shadow.. as a 'gothic' tale should be. Will be hiding within seconds tonight!

[Karen Redburn]

You have captured that feeling of irrational fear that has gripped us all at one time or another. Nicely done. Finishing this piece off not with peace, but with that haha this is just the beginning effect, brilliant! I love a good scary story and you've done well with this one!