Creating The Universe

One of my obsessions.

First, let me get something out of the way, as well as give an interesting bit of information concerning this chapter. The way I started this book on New Years Day of January �" it’s April 11 now, I tried to let my mother catch up on the corollary but I realized that if I did that I’d never get this damn thing written; That’s the reason why this chapter took so long to get done �" was that I got on My Notes on my iPad �" which the entirety of this book is being written, at least my part �" and made every chapters title and then say down to write it. 

This chapter doesn’t exist. I never planned to write it. I planned to write a single chapter called obsessions. And a second chapter I titled Malshaunt. My mother pointed out to me yesterday �" a Wednesday �" that those coincided. Which left me in a cluster f**k because I also realized that I, unlike most aspies, don’t have one obsession. I have many. Many more than I’d like to read about in one f*****g chapter, which would be many chapter lengths long. I wouldn’t want to read that chapter, I sure as hell won’t make you guys do it. So I made the chapter that doesn’t exist. And destroyed one that did. There are going to be a few nonexistent chapters. I’ll point them out to you briefly when they hit. 

That being said, I was in kind of a bind. I didn’t know this particular obsession was an obsession. It simply was. I had it pointed out to me yesterday that it was a constant obsession. I’ve been thinking about it every day. For ten years. I realized this and my mind kinda realized the significance of that. It was, and always will be, my longest and most potent of obsessions. And I can’t write this in short detail with a veritable f**k load �" larger than a s**t ton �" of other obsessions. So that’s why I made chapters that don’t exist. Which means this chapter will be (436 counting these and the actual numbers) more words than it was originally meant to be, because of this dumb-a*s intro. F**k my a*s and call me a fagot. This is why I don’t have nice things. I know the word count because I’m now using a better app by the way. So, without further ado and to keep from rambling on on a tear, I give you the first nonexistent chapter. My first obsession.

My first obsession spanning ten long years. The creation of a universe.

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I was 11 years old. I think. Maybe 10 or 9. F**k it, not relevant. I was around those ages roughly. When I was [irrelevant age here] years old, I created a story. Being [same one] years old at the time, it was a incredibly s****y story. One that revolved around my third grade mind. Third grade! That would be… Wow. I was 9. And it was 13 years, not 10. I’m not changing the brackets since I’m writing this as I would say it, and I just did the math at the point I remembered it was third grade. 

Anyway. I was 9 years old and I had this s**t stain of a story about how my school was taken over by dumpy robot teachers and I had to take pills that looked like my horrible Flintstones vitamins to creat talking dinosaurs in order to save the school. 

Told you it was s****y. But it was all I knew. I knew that environment. This story took shape for about… A month. Then I realized it was, well, s****y. So what did I do? Said f**k the robot teachers �" bad turn of phrase �" and make the school into a giant death trap! I’d learned my lesson on making s****y mistakes, this is awesome! for about three months. No, I’m not joking. I really held on for that amount of time. That was 666 words by the way. I point that out because it was a story from hell. (Not intentional)

Eventually, a figure took form in the shape of John. Well this f****r needed a rival right? Lets make one called Dark Thunder. And let’s make him save the world. My universe, as I see it as it is today, actually starts to take shape here. This continues for about a year. Then I realized it was still our world. I needed a medieval one (I’d been reading solely fantasy books at this point). Keep the characters, change the setting. I might go through with that story too, just to let you see the difference. 

This lasted awhile (yes, I’m really going to use that as a measurement), until I realized this was too vague. And John was a stupid f*****g name. Lets create Malshaunt. Not as he is today, not by a long shot. But it started to solidify. A new enemy. Black Thunder was a really stupid f*****g name. Lets name him Asmodius. Another part that lasted, also not in its present incarnation. But it was forming. Major changes started happening rapidly. No, you get no information. I’m a writer, I need to eat at some point. Either buy the books or torrent them. Yes I endorse this, lord knows I…. Have never done this, ever. Nope. 

Eventually I started to read more scifi books. So it took on a distopian future setting. Another sticker. I whirled it into what this story is today. All I can tell you without ruining the story. Sorry. That story of a 9 year olds fantasy turned into a galaxy wide tale. Not only that, I have created back stories for every single one of the main characters. Take it even farther. I created stories about things that happen during the story that effected it in some ways, but you never knew the full picture. It never got resolved, and you would be left pissed off at me for not pulling through with that arc. And I fully agree with you. I’d be pretty butt-hurt too. So I have made those into stories. Take it farther. How did the places become the retched mess they were at the time the main story takes place? More stories.

Now, before you tell me “Adam, this is f*****g ridicules”, refer back to the start. I have been obsessing over this, every day, for thirteen years. Not a single day has gone by without me thinking about how I could tweak It. Not a single f*****g day, for thirteen years. I haven’t put the room behind the door. I made f*****g Narnia. I created a universe. A complex, living, breathing, constant universe where all of this takes place. There are a few exceptions, but it all tied together. But I didn’t have a starting point. 

Until about 18 hours ago �" give or take �" when I took one last unrelated novel, and tied it in. I finally had my starting point. Now, in order to let my mother keep up with this, I will be writing both simultaneously. Because my obsession was now ready.

But something had happened during those thirteen years. Malshaunt quit being imaginary. He became a part of me. A constant friend that has followed me the vast majority of my life. He was, at some times, my only friend. Literally. He changed as I changed. I grew as a person, he became more and more real and solid. 

Now, I know he isn’t real. It hurts me to say that about my oldest and best friend, but I know he’s only real to me. Sometimes I forget about that. More than sometimes. I almost never realize he isn’t really out there, living my stories. Who knows. Maybe he is.

I didn't start my books. I never even tried. It pissed my mother off so royally too. But I’m glad it took 13 years. Not because I’m anal about every small detail �" I am �" but because I wasn't ready. I needed to get from that place, to this one. I came out January 19 of this year. I met an amazing man by the name of Trakana. We are dating right now. I don’t have the foggiest clue how it will turn out. But I like him different than the others. Somehow more… Real? I’m not sure how to put that. He helped me see I’m worth being around. Worth being heard. Another friend I've just made named Joel helped me further that. Bikram Dasgupta and Nikki, my oldest… Real friend that I've known since ninth grade and his girlfriend. Another one, one who has �" bless his heart, he will never know how grateful I am for this �" taken it upon himself to be my guardian angel, (Zach) my second oldest friend. They made me realize I’m not worthless, not broken. You expect your mother to tell you that. Not others.

So now my obsession has become another one. Writing my books. And that, dear readers, can’t be written in a mere chapter.