Chapter 8 Is This...Love?

Saturday 5th May

I stood, dumbfounded on my front doorstep with my mouth slowly drooping. My chest casually caving in on itself, my lungs being compressed and head wheeling from Cameron's simple words.

 I heard you can sing and we could collaborate in the School's Got Talent awards.

Them words still trickling through my mind, while the lamp beyond my yard glowed like a halo for Cameron. His eyes shadowed, but visible to tell me there was some sort of glint in them.
          "Lucy...?" An open question that I knew myself, only Lucy would've told him after me mentioning the Talent Awards thing.
          "Yeah." He smiled more, like a child with his hand stuck in the cookie jar. Wait, that conversation was like fifteen minutes ago, how could he have gotten here that quick? I mean, I know Lucy was constantly texting him and I don't know where he lives, but he certainly doesn't live around the corner from me. "When Lucy told me, I was gladly happy with helping you." He ducked his hands into his pockets and hung his head impishly like a little boy.
           I felt a sliver of pure happiness, from years of misery, I felt wanted. Needed. I felt warm and fuzzy, I felt complete in a way. Why was it I felt like this because of Cameron? He made my heart beat so fast I could feel the pulse like lightning against my goosebumped skin. I wanted to sing in front of him right then and there, like taking his hands and making our warmth blend like ice to slush.
           I don't know what love feels like...But I had a feeling if felt something like this. All warm and touching, scary but safe. But I was worried about falling incase Cameron wasn't intended on catching me, and I'll crash.
           I can't look back now, I'm already hooked, I'm spellbound.
"Dawn?" He asked, dipping his head so he was level with my eyes. I seen his eyes shimmer like gold and I felt a shudder through my body and I hugged myself, snapping out of my crazy mind for once.
           "Huh?" I whimpered, trying not to look so interested in his eyes. It didn't work, I kept looking like i was transfixed.
           "You're all stiff and staring as if you've seen something." He chuckled, taking his hands out of his pockets and quickly rubbing my fleshy arms that was ridden of the little bumps. Sparks rang of in my head, I forgot about everything when I was with him. And his smile cast something on me, made me lightheaded. "And you're cold." He concentrated on warming my arms, and I loved it.
            A smiling Lucy flashed in my thoughts, suddenly, drowning out the emotion of what Cameron caused me. I felt remorse, conceded. I shouldn't be doing this, especially since Lucy really liked him. But, wouldn't Lucy understand from what I've been through?
           "Dawn!" Cameron whispered harshly, gripping my shoulders. I looked at him wide-eyed, mouth agape. "You're doing it again." He smiled softly. I really over thought things.
           "Sorry." I staggered, brushing my hand of my cold door handle. I felt breathless, uneven. "I'm going in now, goodnight." I pressed, opening the door with my back turned and not really wanting to go. I wanted to stay, I wanted to bask in Cameron's prescence that made me feel pure joy.
           "Oh, I'm sorry, have I done some-" He began, and I felt bad. Because it was my fault. It's my fault I'm in this mess, that I'm falling for him. I very much liked the person my bestfriend does. It isn't right.
           "No!" I gasped. "No no no no no no no..." I whispered with each word. "I'm just-cold, chilly, yeah and I'm tired, a lot of school work." I smiled chirpily, wanting to get out of this scenario.

I turned and went inside, the warmth wrapping me up like a blanket, I savoured it. I turned back to Cameron, his eyes looked hollow as he smiled at me, a smile that didn't reach his eyes.
          "Okay, see ya." He folded his hands in his pockets again, ducking his head. When he turned away, I was shut out. I was disconnected, I hated it, I felt alone all over again. It crushed me. I felt the wanting, and I just stepped on it like a bug. When I shut the door slowly, I felt a surge of guilt wash over me. On brisk impulse, I opened the door again with force, nearly bashing my cheekbone off of the door itself. Air rushed into my lungs.                           "Cameron!" I gushed, feeling foolish, then his eyes landed on me. I smiled broadly, and he returned it. Quickly, he turns and comes over in a cool stride, and I breathe hiI turned and went inside, the warmth wrapping me up like a blanket, I savoured it. I turned back to Cameron, his eyes looked hollow as he smiled at me, a smile that didn't reach his eyes.
          "Okay, see ya." He folded his hands in his pockets again, ducking his head. When he turned away, I was shut out. I was disconnected, I hated it, I felt alone all over again. It crushed me. I felt the wanting, and I just stepped on it like a bug. When I shut the door slowly, I felt a surge of guilt wash over me. On brisk impulse, I opened the door again with force, nearly bashing my cheekbone off of the door itself. Air rushed into my lungs.                         
           "Cameron!" I gushed, feeling foolish, then his eyes landed on me. I smiled broadly, and he returned it. Quickly, he turns and comes over in a cool stride, and I breathe him in like a fresh breeze.

“Yes?” He said with a smile. He leaned against the door frame, close to me.

            Then I thought, s**t, I have nothing to say!

The only thing that popped to my mind quick enough came out my mouth the second it brewed in my mind.

            “I would like you to help me for the Talent show.” Just as I said it, I regretted it.

But the moment his face lit up but kept a calm face my heart beat faster, and then slow down. It’s never been like that before.

           “Really?” He leaned forward, his hair dipping to the side. “Thank you so much!” He gushed at me, intruding my space by gently pushing past the door to not make a sound, then enveloping me into a cushiony hug. With that, I delved in it. The feel of his arms around me made me feel safe and protected. Then, it ended as fast as it happened.

            “I won’t let you down, Dawn.” He promised me. Ruffling my hair before making it to the end of my yard then waving bye and he was gone down the street.

            My heart steadily getting back on track, and I finally shut the door. An unwanted fly quietly flew around my head, swatting it; I ended up turning 190 degrees into Callum.

            Like a wave, I died down quickly. My heart lurched and I had to clear my throat to not make a startled squeaking noise. I peered at his face, his normally soft features looked edgy and clean cut. His eyes slick as he squinted at me, his muscled arms folded across his chest made him look like an extra from Mortal Kombat.

“You’re entering a Talent contest?” He asked the question more to himself, and then gestured to the door. “And he’s going to help you? No, Dawn, you can’t do this to yourself. You can’t face the stage; it’s your biggest fear.”

            “The best way to conquer your fear is to face it head on.” I said with my head held high, I believed I heard that somewhere, not exactly remembering where I heard it from.

            “But him helping you, seriously, Dawn?” He exclaimed. His cool blue eyes looked sharp as blades, and I didn’t want to get on his bad side, even though I was on it already.

            “I can choose whoever I want to help me; you’re not the boss of me, Callum.” I said sternly before turning to walk into the living room for some chilling hot chocolate.

            “I don’t like him, Dawn.” Callum followed me into the kitchen, leaning brokenly against the door frame. “I don’t trust him.”

            “P-lease, you don't even know him.” I tufted painfully. “He’s a mate of Michael’s.”

“He doesn’t seem gay.”

            “That’s ‘cause he isn’t, doofus.” I retorted.

“Does Lucy like him?” Callum was on the right tracks; he’d known Luce for a long time and knew what kind of meat she was after. She was even into my brother at one time which was nervously awkward.

            “I dunno.” I walked to the cupboard where the tub of hot chocolate waited for me to spoon some into a mug, biting my lip from a little lie.

            “Liar liar, pants on fire.” He snorted.

“Pfft, what are you, ten?” I asked doubtfully, and he just shrugged it off. Callum followed my moves around the kitchen.

I boiled the kettle and heard shuffling upstairs. I knew it was mother, like a witch, she is. Sneaking around her own home is quite baffling, but keeps her sane, unlike her children. I poured the water into the mug and watched the powder soak up the water, going frothy then still. The warmth hitting me in the face, how it felt when Cameron was near me...But it felt the warmth on the inside.

            “If Lucy likes him, then you’re in trouble.” Callum waved off and came closer to me. “I know you, and this ain’t a walk in the picnic, Dawn-“ Callum had gotten on my last nerve and I blew it. He kept expecting me to follow his rules. Why? Because he’s the only man in the house?

“Callum, you’re not dad, so back off!” I snapped, and I wished I hadn’t. When I seen the flash of hurt through his eyes, it killed me a little inside. Reopening the gash in my heart from the past, slicing it fresh. “Callum, I’m-“

            “Don’t.” He silenced me with a cold, single word. I shut up and my bottom lip hung out. Callum turned his back and stormed out, leaving me feeling cold inside, when I had just drank a hot liquid, I still felt cold.

            “I’m sorry, Callum.” I whimpered, putting my hot mug on the bench without looking was a mistake.

            The mug smashed to the floor and splattered hot water onto my bare legs, stinging like a live flame was hovering on my flesh. The shattering sound rang throughout the house, and Callum still continued to walk out the room, not even looking back to see if I were alright.

“S**t!” I shouted, jumping on the spot and heard my mother’s thunderous chase down the stairs and into the kitchen, looking back at Callum.

            “Why is he mad, and what have you done, Dawn?” My mother’s voice grew louder and all I could think of was Callum. I had hurt him real bad by mentioning ‘dad.’ A blast from the past had hit us both hard, causing hurt and anger to Callum and giving me guilt.

            “We argued, and he pissed me off and I said, ‘you’re not my dad’ to him.” I repeated to her what had just happened and grabbed a kitchen towel nearby and dabber my already blistering legs. My ankles would look like raw ham after this.

            “Get upstairs and run your legs under the cold tap in the bathtub or use the shower head.” She grabbed the dust pan and shovel from a corner and began to gently sweep the broken mug.

I felt guilty on both rounds, making Callum feel like s**t and having my mother clean my mess. I really needed to sort myself out.

“And for the love of God, don’t call him that again, brings back to many bad memories, Dawn.” She grunted as she bent to shovel the broken shards.

            I ran upstairs carefully, mainly on my leg that wasn’t as burnt as much.

I used the shower head to cool my leg off, ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ at the replenishing feeling. Then I heard a sob distinctively. I shut the shower off and loomed out into the hall, knowing all too well it was Callum crying and sobbing in his room.

            My heartstring literally broke, I felt like a bottom-feeder, a dweller, a rock. I felt disgusting and wanted him to know how much that I didn’t mean it. At the time, it was just an impulse from his constant nagging.

            I drifted outside of his door, his sobs louder and louder. I gently knocked with my knuckles, each knock feeling hollower in my chest,

            “Callum?” I said gently, a thick coating of bitterness was woven in my voice. “Callum, please speak to me.” I tried his door, it was unlocked, but I was too scared to open in case he lashed out at me. He’d done it before when his girlfriend broke up with him and he wallowed away in his room crying for days, I had gone in to check on him, and he’d shouted at me and threw me out his room.

            “Get lost, Dawn.” He said soundlessly, his sobs taking hold of his voice.

“Callum, please.” Regrettably, I opened his door. His room neat and tidy looked spacious and cosy. But from a crying Callum at the end of his well made bed looked haunting, uninviting.

            “I’m so sorry.” I loomed closer to Callum’s hunched body at the end of his bed, his back convulsing from his cries. Unlike me, I hated crying. I thought it was too weak, so I harmed myself. I haven’t done it in a while, since there’s no reason to cry. But having Callum like this makes me want to kick myself in the face really hard.

            I laid a hand on his tense back and rubbed softly. “I’m sorry, Cal.” I said wobbly, my own throat shaking. I knew I was going to cry, I was on the verge.

            Then, I slumped on the floor, nuzzling my way into Callum’s fortress and hugged him. He didn’t hug back, but at least he wasn’t fighting back. I felt rotten for making him feel like this, now I felt rotten for showing such weakness in front of my brother...But I believed he felt just as sick.

            “I’m sorry.” And a revelation, he patted my back.

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[ALittleBitOfEverything]

I know there's a pretty obvious mistake on the 2nd paragraph where she says 'no no no no', its cause when ever i write, it won't let me, so im sorry about that